Poly-Dating: How to meet like-minded people

ironhed85 said:
Jamie,

I have been stuck in the quagmire of the swinger scene for the last year with my girlfriend who is an ex-swinger. The relationships that have I formed within the scene have helped me better understand myself and realize that I have no business there. I have been trying to tune into the polyamoury scene as that is my true orientation but have found there are very few resources on the interenet for dating and organizations. I personally think that AFF, Ashleigh Madison, sexsearch.com, are a waste of time as the ratio of men to women is obscene.

I am sorry that I cannot offer any suggestions as to polyam dating sites, If you find anthing good that is regional, please let me know.

Regards,

Philip
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Quagmire can certainly describe the swinger scene, and seems to be a pretty accurate portrayal in the region where I hang my hat at the end of the day. We started opening our marriage via this lifestyle as a way of my wife exploring the bisexuality she had finally acknowledged has been in her mind since before we met in high school. Where that adventure has taken us, I never would have predicted, nor would I have expected to find what we have. But that's a topic for its own thread.

But I do have a question; one that I already have a pretty good idea on the answer, but will ask it anyway. Par for the course, I register on sites using a username that befits us both. When discussing topics in this realm, I'm thinking I should re-register under a name unique to me and let this username fall by the wayside. Thoughts?
 
nebillingscouple said:
I'm thinking I should re-register under a name unique to me and let this username fall by the wayside. Thoughts?
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I always prefer when people have their own username as it gets very confusing after awhile. This forum is like a unicorn. I kind of see it much like some poly relationships, they start with two and then they break into three, into a triad with a unicorn and the original couple ends up being far more independent that they were in a monogamous couple. Not only that one person falls in love with the other more and then a complication ensues that leads to a vee with that one person participating more with the new person. ;) This forum tends to turn from unicorn to an arm of a vee.
 
Just to fuel my "stop looking" argument... I've recently been feeling a little lonely, the distance of my husband's out-of-town job getting to me, and then being alone on Thanksgiving. I started thinking it'd be nice to meet some new people. Just put that thought out in the universe, then sit around and wash the car, rake some leaves, and watch TV. The next day, someone friended me on gay.com. Turns out we have a lot in common, live in the same neighbourhood, and she empathized with my description of "monogamy just doesn't make sense to me" ... even after I mentioned that I'm married, she still wants to go on a date!

I love the power of intention!
 
Ever watch the movie "The Secret"? It's all about putting your thoughts into the universe. ;) Just sayin.
 
TL4everu2 said:
Ever watch the movie "The Secret"? It's all about putting your thoughts into the universe. ;) Just sayin.
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"The Secret" is awesome, except that it teaches to use the power of intention to gain "stuff" like boats and houses to possess, rather than create more love in the world or compassion in our lives. It doesn't teach "power of intent" for what's good for all, but what is good for *me,* in essence, how to be selfish. It worries me because selfishness sometimes breeds loneliness as it can isolate us from others. In poly dating one needs to be considerate of all the others a person is involved with. The power of intent would be useful in terms of creating a happy and healthy tribe for all, rather than to benefit one person. "The Secret" would be a useful movie to watch if the perspective of it is kept in mind. Just my opinion, though. :)
 
How can we...?

Hi,

I am new here and was wondering if anyone can point me/us in the right direction. My BF and I want to find a woman to join our relationship. We are not looking to be with anyone outside of the relationship, but looking to build an exclusive triad.

We've tried a few poly sites but nothing has panned out. Since I am looking for a bi female, do we go to a lesbian bar? Will they tolerate my BF being there? The perfect way would be to meet someone, become friends and then find out they are bi, but that could take years.

We also tried Craigslist. I know, dangerous. But my BF is quite up on the scams and will always be with me to make sure we are safe. We saw a lot of MW4W ads there. Some even mention poly relationships, so I guess we're making progress. :)

Anyway, we live in the DC area (Northern VA) and any ideas anyone could give us would be great. :D
 
Do a search for the term "unicorn". There has been a lot of discussion on finding the mysterious bisexual, fully committed, single adult female.
 
Really, it seems like people are belittling the idea. I am bi and fully committed. So if my BF and I break up, I'm a unicorn?
 
jns4ever said:
It seems like people are belittling the idea. I am bi and fully committed. So if my BF and I break up, I'm a unicorn?
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Sorry, you read that wrong. A unicorn is the mythical third, a single bisexual woman who will commit to a couple, and be equally interested in both.
 
It seems to work best, when joining a new-to-you forum, to check the user's guide and read some threads first. Do a search, look at the stickies offered. See if you can find some information first. Your topic is a hugely discussed one here and even reading this thread could help.

Good luck and welcome. :)
 
polymatchmaker

I personally found it more appropriate than OKCupid. It's true its filter does not work as selectively as one might like, but it has a large number of people all interested in non-monogamous relationships, so that is helpful.
 
How do you meet people for poly dating?

The husband and I recently dabbled in a poly relationship and really liked it. Things didn't work out for our third (she was young and not interested in "settling down").

I just gotta ask: How do you meet people to join your twosome? We've tried online dating sites before, but not sure which are the best ones to use. Had some luck, but nothing worked out in the long run. Not sure how to meet people otherwise. Any words of advice or helpful suggestions? Thanks for you time!
 
phantazmagoria said:
How do you meet people to join your twosome?

We've tried online dating sites before, but not sure which are the best ones to use. Had some luck, but nothing worked out in the long run. Not sure how to meet people otherwise.
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Go and find your local community. Finding friends first seems to mean finding sustainability. You seem to be looking for that, so why not take a different approach and find like-minded people? What I have noticed in doing this is that I feel like belong and that is invaluable. Anything over and above for those in my community is icing on the cake. They have a lot of icing. :D
 
People are always asking "How do I meet someone?" Well... I have one for ya! I was at the grocery store this morning and was stopped by one of those people who does apps for credit cards, etc. I did the application and we started talking. We ended up talking for nearly an hour! In the middle of a busy grocery store!? I asked her out for coffee, she said yes & gave me her number & email!

Just goes to show that you never know where or when you will meet someone, but the opportunities are most definitely there!
 
I remain convicted that the best way to meet that "special someone" or "someones" is to simply be friendly every time you encounter people. If you say hello, good morning, good evening, etc., to everyone you meet, you will raise the chances of having a friendly conversation. And the more of those you have, the higher your chances of meeting someone.
 
So, to all you lurkers (as well as those of you who do post) out there who are wondering how to meet people for poly relationships:

STOP AND TALK TO PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO GET YOU TO SIGN UP FOR THINGS.

Other ideas besides credit-card promoters:

People handing out religious or political literature and propaganda

People asking for spare change outside the subway or bus station

Telemarketers and bill-collectors

It could be the start of a beautiful relationship. You'll never know if you don't go...

:cool:
 
LovingRadiance said:
I remain convicted that the best way to meet that "special someone" or "someones" is to simply be friendly every time you encounter people.

If you say hello, good morning, good evening etc to everyone you meet, you will raise the chances of having a friendly conversation and the more of those you have, the higher your chances of meeting someone.
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I wholeheartedly agree with this!
 
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