Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success & Happiness

Really beautiful sentiment

MonoVCPHG said:
The key to our success, I believe, is that each person cares so much for the other person and thier well-being. Redpepper seemed more relaxed than I have ever seen her in this dynamic last night. There is no pulling to monopolize or even balance her attention amongst her Lovers. There is just enjoyment in her presence and appreciation for the happiness she gives all of us. Seeing her Lovers together as friends and enjoying time together gives her a radiance I can't describe!


Thank you Redpepper…you amaze and bless me with your love..despite the fact you scare me….I had to say it!:)
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Aww, this made me cry. I hope we get there. YOU are a lucky boy!:)
 
Today, Polynerdist and I went for a coffee after Redpepper and I got home from her night at my place. We left at two and returned at five.
While you might think that most of that time would be consumed by checking in if things were okay between us as her partners, and about her, it was not. Our discussions ranged from the live music I saw, all the way through to what it would take to focus the people of the world to work together. There was no break in the conversation. There were no dominant opinions. There was a flow of ideas and learning that moved back and forth between us.

I talk to him about things I don't with my co-workers or other friends, besides Redpepper. We seem to have our own special connection that enables us to understand each other's theories and ideas. We learn from each other. At the end of our talk we had to "come down" from all the ideas we shared. Our wheels were turning and our respect for each other was heightened. He is extremely intelligent and well-thought-out, which makes listening to him a pleasure.

On the way back for supper, we did a very quick, "How are you doing? How is your connection with Redpepper?" sort of thing that was almost a formality, as we both seem to be doing very well.

This coffee was not about two men who share the same the same lover. This was a coffee between two friends that are forming their own unique bond with each other. For what our family wants, this is a huge part of our success and happiness.
 
New friends

Things have taken on a very flowing and natural energy for me. New and amazing people have come into our life and friendships have moved from virtual to in-person.

The strangeness with Redpepper's parents has faded for me. Now they are willing to accept my help with daily things from time to time.

We have started making some great connections with like-minded people.

Our entire dynamic is becoming less "chosen family" and more just "family." There is a sense of calm and stability that is increasing, even as others come into Redpepper's and Polynerdist's lives.

There are not a lot of specific things to say, because it is more an awareness, a sense of unforced, unconstructed community and commitment. I'm not sure what it is, but is is very cool.

Sixteen months into it. Have patience, everyone, there is no room for rushing, IMO, depending on what you want to create, that is. To each their own.
 
MonoVCPHG said:
There's not a lot of specific things to say because it is more an awareness, a sense of unforced, un-constructed community and commitment. I'm not sure what it is, but it is very cool.

Sixteen months into it. Have patience everyone. There is no room for rushing, IMO, depending on what you want to create, that is. To each their own.
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Hope floats! I am going to cool my heels and stop pushing. Harumph! I hate when I am not right! ;)
 
Morningglory629 said:
Hope floats! I am going to cool my heels and stop pushing. Harumph! I hate when I am not right!;)
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There's a story of people filling up a fish tank that relates to your approach, MorningGlory. Polynerdist and I fill the tank slowly and assess the water after each bucket gently pours in. Redpepper dumps buckets like crazy and waits for the water to settle, once it's all in there.

Neither is a right or wrong approach, but both have the same intent, to fill the tank.
 
MonoVCPHG said:
There's a story of people filling up a fish tank that relates to your approach, MorningGlory. Polynerdist and I fill the tank slowly and assess the water after each bucket gently pours in. Redpepper dumps buckets like crazy and waits for the water to settle once it's all in there.

Neither is a right or wrong approach, but both have the same intent, to fill the tank.
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I love your analogies, Mono. You are an inspiration. Thank you so much for your upbeat attitude. I don't usually post on yours, but I love reading it.
 
ak2381 said:
I love your analogies, Mono. You are an inspiration. Thank you so much for your upbeat attitude. I don't usually post on yours, but I love reading it.
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Showing the positives is what this thread is all about. :) The analogy is actually the intellectual creation of Redpepper and Polynerdist. The communication and learning between all of us is constant and a positive thing in itself. Why do we communicate so much and make it a priority? Because we want to look after each other, all three of us. We're more than two couples, we are a genuine family with the intent to care for each other into the future. We don't think short term, we want sustainable family for us and their son.

We love each other, plain and simple.
 
I just wrote this on another another thread and had one of those moments of self-awareness and understanding... Cool.

"Compersion is real, and once you feel it you recognize it. It hinges on genuine concern for the people involved and acceptance for what they have, all of them. You can fake being nice to someone externally, but you can't fake compersion, because compersion is something that you feel internally. Once you feel it, it influences how you feel about your partner's partner. It makes you act out of concern for what they have. It is essentially an extension of your love through your partner into their partner. When you do that, there is only fulfillment and joy, not hurt and emptiness."
 
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Excellent quote, Mon.

Funny detail to note-- in Seattle, I was EXHAUSTED, driving along the highway, and ran across a sign that said, "blah blah blah Compression brakes blah blah blah blah."

BUT I READ:

"blah blah blah COMPERSION brakes blah blah blah blah"....

So for the last week, compersion has been a HUGE topic of discussion. :)

I love the quote, Mon. We need to get to that stage around here. That would be SO nice. SO relaxing... ;)
 
LovingRadiance said:
I love the quote Mon. We need to get to that stage around here. That would be SO nice. SO... relaxing... ;)
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You can get there, and I really sensed the desire to do so in Maca when we met. I am so looking forward to camping with you guys!

We all got together for some gardening today. There we were, all together, each focusing on our own little task to achieve something as a family. Redpepper had to run to facilitate a poly women's group she created and Polynerdist and I finished up.

We then went inside, where he sat in the dining room typing away on his computer, and I caught up on Redpepper's computer in the kitchen and had a coffee before heading home. We did our own thing. There was no need to talk or entertain one another, and yet the space was filled with our own special connection. There is an energy that fills the air when certain people are together. It's like going on a date and not feeling the need to fill the emptiness with speech because your energies are interacting. You can simply be in the same space and totally comfortable without saying a word, but actually you are speaking volumes... with your energy. Sometimes people's energies don't mix and that leads to that awkward silence we all know and the need to talk about anything, the weather, work, anything, just to fill the void that compatible energies would fill.

Polynerdist's and my energy seem to be quite compatible, at least I think so.

I feel completely grounded and confident in the relationship he and I have, as two men loving the same woman. We both seem to be holding the door, motioning the other to go first. "Others before ourselves" is a great way to treat each other.
 
Things are blooming

Yesterday Redpepper and I went to pick her son up at her parent's place before a family dinner and a movie night. Going into their house was very comfortable. We sat and put a puzzle together and then her dad asked me if I wanted to see pictures of a military parade I was recently in. We chatted and things just seemed to be more comfortable for everyone. I was a little nervous when Redpepper got real close to me around the puzzle but let that go and just enjoyed her presence.

I think her parents are grasping the type of commitment we all have. Last week I went to pick up the lawn mower at her parents' place to take care of the yard, but her mom said she was not finished with it. Her mom has been sick and her dad's back hasn't been good. Their grass was out of control so I offered to finish it. They were very appreciative and it felt good to do something for them as an extension of Redpepper's family.

After the puzzle was completed, Polynerdist and I made nachos for our night of shows with their son. During this time, Polynerdist brought up the fact that "Not everyone was doing this," meaning our relationship dynamic was not what most people are doing. It almost seemed like a shock, not because what we are doing is the right way or better, but because it feels so natural for us. We forget that we are not the norm sometimes LOL!

After their son was tucked in Derbylicious and her hubby stopped by and we sat out on the deck and chatted.

It was a nice image of what the future holds for our family and the people that are in our lives. It feels normal, natural and above all else, loving. :)
 
That sounds so wonderful, Mon!

Maca had to work today. It always sucks when he has to work on the weekend. At the same time, it was really nice to cuddle up in GG's arms this morning.
 
Good fights result in new awareness

Redpepper and I had a full day together lounging at the OH and then walking through a downtown street market. There was a great selection of handmade items and a ring caught my eye. It is steel with a track that a free moving chain sits in. It was very cool. I find myself more drawn to things like handmade wristbands lately. She asked if I would like it. I said yes. But I didn't want her to buy it for me.

I am adapting to a new level of fiscal restraint and responsibility for the first time in a very long time. I'm having issues with not being able to buy her anything she wants, or to do a lot of stuff that costs money. We actually had a fight over what was wrong with me and got to the bottom of my feeling "financially inadequate" to treat her the way I used to and want to now. It was a good fight, because it resulted in new awareness, although I hate disappointing her and said some things out of misdirected frustration.

So, she bought the ring for me. At first I put it on my right hand, for some reason. It didn't feel right energy-wise, and physically it felt misplaced and uncomfortable. I put it on my left hand, where it partially covers my original wedding tattoo ring. It nestled very comfortably there and it made me think about some things regarding commitment and symbols. I am honored to have a sign of her love and our relationship.

Thanks. Lilo. I love you. :)

P.S. I've got a lot to learn about communicating in a more timely manner, but luckily Redpepper and Polynerdist are great examples.
 
Seems everyone was down at the market today. We got bubble tea and wandered down there too for Mother's Day, although the only thing that caught my eye was some fuzzy puppets. Being that they were $35 each though, and both kids would have wanted one, I had to pass.

There were some pretty glass pendants that I saw in passing too. It's a good little market and I plan on going back before the summer is over.

-Derby
 
Derbylicious said:
Seems everyone was down at the market today. We got bubble tea and wandered down there too for mother's day. Although the only thing that caught my eye was some fuzzy puppets. Being that they were $35 each though and both kids would have wanted one I had to pass.

There were some pretty glass pendants that I saw in passing too. It's a good little market and I plan on going back before the summer is over.

-Derby
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I think we will be hitting it more often.

I'm putting a pic of you and Redpepper into my album on here, if that is okay. You were all sweaty and cute... I mean, tough and scary. ;)
 
:mad: I AM NOT CUTE :mad:

LOL Yes, of course it's okay if you put my picture up.
 
Mono, I saw the picture of the ring Redpepper bought you. Very cool!

Loved the pictures of your chosen family. You all look incredibly happy! It's nice to put faces to the names. Thanks for sharing!

Kat
 
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