Sailing Solo

I am in an open relationship but contemplating cheating. How messed up is that? I am as close as you can get without actual stepping over the line, but Prof and I did discuss the definition of sex and he is very set that his definition is in agreement with that of Bill Clinton's. Doing this is not sex? No. Doing that is not sex? No. So under his definition of the rules I am not having sex, basically sex to him is PIV or PIA. I am not doing that.
I have been seeing someone in an open marriage. The wife and kids are away ( what is with this American thing of sending the wife and kids away for the WHOLE summer). She is with her boyfriend for part of it and he and I are both bored and looking for trouble and we are being quite successful in doing everything that does not contravene my stupidly agreed upon "no-sex till we get to talk " arrangement. It's a one week summer vacation fling kind of thing, but without the sex. I am enjoying it, I am having fun and struggling to understand why I have allowed Prof to exert such a control over my dating life, it has pretty much crept up on me ( apart from a number of forumites pointing it out :eek:) like the frog in the pot of boiling water. ( I know that is not a factual account of frog behavior, but you get my drift).
 
Atlantis said:
. . . I am having fun and struggling to understand why I have allowed Prof to exert such a control over my dating life . . .
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Yeah, why did you do that? :p

Well, at least you can do everything except PIV and PIA, that leaves a lot to do. Sounds like you're still having fun and not too frustrated.
 
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Yes! Why did I do that?:confused: I see the pattern though.

Dude said no to fooling around tonight, he said I need to sort what is going on with Prof and he is getting frustrated. Can't blame him. I am disappointed and annoyed at myself at getting into this position. A non-monogamous/single/open whatever and I have restrictions on who and how I interact with people. :mad: This is entirely self-inflicted too.
I cannot see the use in getting into the discussion by phone days before we leave much as I now really want too. I wanted some naked not-quite sexy time tonight.
 
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Hey NYC, I will give him a nickname if I see him again and yes, it is the same dude. I have no idea if he will still be interested in meeting again after the long vacation break.
I resisted calling/texting Prof last night for an in-depth discussion. I have a feeling he was on a date anyway :rolleyes: The one emoticon response to a text is usually a give away. I was fairly riled up too, not in a good place to hear any answer apart from the one I wanted. Putting things on the back burner is going to be more challenging than I anticipated.
Right now I am on hold with the airline, we have 3 different departure times listed :confused:
 
Much reflection on how I got into the situation with Prof. Conclusion: I feel like I owe him and can't do any drawing lines in the sand until after the holiday. I promised him when we started planning the trip in last July and then very strongly during the ticket booking and paying that I would not break up with him and would commit to the relationship until we had had the trip. Therefore, I have avoided any kind of discussions to the level of "My way or the highway."
I think we will have great fun travelling together and I am so very excited about spending 3 weeks with him. It can wait, but I do wonder how long I can be patient for.
 
Quick update:
The trip is going very well in most ways, lots of wonderful sites and fabulous food. There is not however, enough sex. I was gently informed yesterday that once a day is perfect for vacations after I suggested that I am very keen to get naked twice a day. I have been making frequent moves but have pretty much decided to give up trying for more than once a day.
Apparently I am more demanding in that department than other girlfriends or the ex wife who are content with/don't want more than, once every 2 days.
I find it a little sad. I don't want to be the person with the higher sex drive.
 
Things are close to ending for this part of the holiday, only 2 days left to go. Probably a good thing considering the amount of food being consumed. :eek:We are walking some fairly good distances each day but I don't think it is quite the equivalent calorie intake of ravioli with cream truffle sauce :D

Before I left I had a few texts with Mr New. I wasn't sure what direction to take and we parted after the last meeting in a very vague way. But he texted me the morning that I left and was enthusiastic to meet up when I got back. Prof has a number of work trips planned so I think I have the time. I certainly can fit in a few meet and greets.
 
We made it safely home. All-in-all it was an excellent trip. Prof did brilliantly with all the family and friends that turned up. We made it to all the places that we had on our list plus a few more. there was only one slight incident of snippiness and that was after 22 hours of travel and all the phones were dead and we had no working number for Roomie who was a little late in picking us up.
Prof is leaving tomorrow for a week and I know he has at least 2 more trips lined up plus another long one in November, basically he will not be around too much in the coming months. I told him on Weds that I was reactivating OKC and going to look at Tinder and I would not be discussing any other details until I decided there was something to discuss. He asked me a little later if the sex was not good and if that was why I was doing it ( dating again) . I threw the question right back at him. He didn't want to discuss it at that particular naked and about to fuck moment. Fine by me.

I sent New Guy a text the day after I returned and he responded promptly. He was leaving for a short family vacation and will be back next week, he said he would like to meet up.

I am heading out tonight for a free concert with a friend and then mostly a quiet weekend dealing with the rest of the unpacking and getting back to working out.
 
Good to hear from you - I missed your stories. Glad to hear you had a good time away!

Atlantis said:
He asked me a little later if the sex was not good and if that was why I was doing it ( dating again) . I threw the question right back at him. He didn't want to discuss it at that particular naked and about to fuck moment. Fine by me.
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Do you mean that you asked him if that's why he dates other women?

I wonder why he gets so weird about you dating when he has quite a number of other women he sees, doesn't he?
 
nycindie said:
Do you mean that you asked him if that's why he dates other women?
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Yes.
What I am getting from him is that there is no need for me to date other people. Like when I say I want someone to play tennis with he offers to play.
I did come out with the dating the thing shortly after we had sex so my timing was pretty off, but I didn't expect to see him again for over a week. He made another comment yesterday about me not needing to do A&B because he liked things how they were. I was doing C&D specifically for him and he knows it, and I made it clear that I was changing things back to A&B because I am anticipating meeting new people and having sex.

I thought I was reading too much into his words and actions but I don't think he wants me to date. He doesn't want to present as being unsupportive or not ok with it, he says the right Poly/open things but I am fairly sure that the underlying ego issue is that he should be more than enough.

I was trying to make the point to him that one partner doesn't have to be inadequate at sex or some activity to enjoy or desire sex with someone else. Or maybe I am crap and that is why he has other partners! I really don't give a toss as to his reasons for dating other people, that is his business and my reasons are my business.

nycindie said:
I wonder why he gets so weird about you dating when he has quite a number of other women he sees, doesn't he?
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I just checked the list he has about 10 active partners plus a few that he had just started dating back in early July. I haven't asked for an update since then.

I thought I was reading too much into his words and actions but I don't think he wants me to date, he is a bit weird about it. He doesn't want to present as being unsupportive or not ok with it, he says the right Poly/open things but I am fairly sure that the underlying ego issue is that he should be more than enough.

Kip (who has emailed and IM messaged in the past 2 days) was the same. Anyone I showed interest in was "a muppet" and not good enough but paid lip service to being happy for me to date. The message content is that he misses me and asks if I having good sex with anyone? I haven't replied.

And quite frankly the sex is not good enough, duration, intensity or frequency. I brought up the subject a few times on vacation. I seem to want it more than him, we don't do XYZ anymore, I miss BDSM play; I think we have had 3 sessions this year, maybe only 2 and I am not going to ask anymore. He did offer on Weds night at jet-lag thirty in the morning to have a session :rolleyes: One of those situations where someone offers because they know you will refuse, but hey! I did offer!

New Guy ( not ready to give him a name yet ) is currently on vacation. He texted promptly when I said I was back and would like to meet next week.

OKC is a bit crap so far, some people from ridiculously far away, and Kip.
I did write a couple of short replies to 2 guys who wrote pleasant first messages but were far away. I won't do that again. One of them offered to relocate :eek: Hilarious.
 
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New Guy is heading off for a week and suggested we get together in September. I think that will make it 6-7 weeks since I saw him I think syncing schedules will be challenging but my free time is about to get smacked on the head again so once every couple of months might be all I can do.
I have signed up for 2 more years of classes :( These will involve hopefully infrequent bum on seat in evening classes and another portfolio. I really did not want to, but was offered a major subsidy if I started it this year. I could have made a stink and said no, but the higher ups were very pleased with the idea and I didn't feel it would be in my best interests long term to refuse. It will not be as intense as what I just did, I hope, but still feel like I need a year off before giving up fun books and tv again.
Things with Prof are fine. I had a bit of a weirdness for a few days, well a week, and I think I mostly needed the space to separate and reestablish the work routine, but also I missed him and the amount of stuff that we were doing, but also the relaxing, watching a bit of crap on tv, reading newspapers and we held hands constantly. I was never a hand holder but I certainly am now I enjoy it.
I did reply to one of Kip's messages, said I was fine and glad he was doing well. I have nothing left to say to him anymore and don't want to hear any of his BS either. It is hard to be outright rude and ignore though.
 
Yesterday was a funny day. I was Ms Social Butterfly. I caught up with one friend, had some business in another town and caught up with another friend for a couple of hours, had already arranged to meet Roomie who pulled up at the same moment I got home, ended up throwing him out 1.5 hours later as I had scheduled a Skype chat with Prof, got off Skype in time to open the door for New Guy.
New guy, should get a name cause we did fuck, the best four letter name that I have come up with is West. Why 4 letters? I am too lazy to type more.
Since I last saw him he has changed from being married in an open type marriage to wife fluid bonding with boyfriend and wanting to go monogamous with him. They are now in divorce mediation.
He said he was glad I was back, enjoyed my company, glad I was back, let's make-out, good to have me home. I was a little uncomfortable at that, we had only met 4/5 times? maybe. He did mention that I was noticeably not the emotional or clingy type. oh dear, so obvious so early?
The sex was fine. I had been so nervous, the last time we met he said he expected the next meeting to progress to naked and for me to have worked things out with Prof. He said he didn't remember that and was happy to just make-out and catch-up and had been in a weird place last time we met. It was a little on the quick side, but a few interesting variations on some positions so good enough to want to try some more.
 
I started treadmill running again yesterday. I say "running" but it was a kind of joggy thing with a bit of walking thrown in. I did 2 miles yesterday and today and I remembered that I used to really like running and ran heaps before I had the kids. My best experience was running a 10k around the perimeter of the Imperial Palace in Tokyo.
I picked up running again after #1 kid but couldn't do it with #2. I have been trying to work out how to get more exercise into a week and basically coming up short, I don't want to take the kids to the gym after work, their days are too long as it is and the classes that don't start till too late and running needs to be regular IMO to make it worthwhile. So the answer is don't go to classes but work out by myself on the days I have to wait to pick them up. Only took me slightly less than a year to work that out :rolleyes: I should be able to treadmill run at least twice a week and when I build it up again, take the kids out on bikes and road run with them. And stick to weekend classes too. Hopefully Jay (I decided no to the name West) will continue to play tennis with me on occasion, meet the tennis meet-up folks on occasion and Prof said he will take me mountain biking, not holding my breath on that one. I worked out a lot when the kids were with their dad and want to keep the momentum going.
I got my first email about class today. Apparently only 8 bum-on-seat days but they are full 8 hour days, how unhealthy is that? ugh.

No open/poly news. Prof and Jay are both away, OKC is uninspiring.

Just checked my tennis meet-up. It closed down :(
 
Prof is coming round tonight. I haven't seen him for over a week if you don't count Skype and tbh I would be fine if I didn't see him till Weds :( I asked him round, he had mentioned last week that he probably would. I thought he would decline but he answered promptly. I don't know why I am not excited to see him.
He dropped out of communication for 2 days so I feel it is ok for me to do the same in the future, like this weekend coming. I think I want a little distance so I can explore Jay in my own time, but I am not sure. Jay is still away, I don't know when he is back. He is pretty crap at texting. I have been a bit flat for the past few days, scheduling, paperwork, commitments...
 
not me not prof not kids not family.
grief and death and so furiously angry.
Prof and I reconnected last night took a while was weird but we did. then didn't want to let go. we were wrapped in each other for most of the night. He helped me today with car stuff, i picked up that he was maybe with a partner for quite a bit of the trip away. maybe he wasnt. i didnt pry. I thought that I needed a relationship check-in. I am a crap open/poly partner. i asked for one for tomorrow evening he happily agreed. blind sided at work. angry angry angry. Most of the death i deal with is not unexpected. but this. this is so appalling. for now it is confidential so no talking to people. I ended up calling one of the grief counselors who is lined up for tomorrow. i am so angry. but you have to keep on going. or I have to keep on going. dinner lunches work. bed time story. i read a bed time story. with the voices.
 
My deepest sympathies.

Kia kaha
Evie
 
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