The "How Are You Doing" Thread (redux)

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How am I doing? I've been tired due to working an awful lot at my job, but had today off and recharged.

Besides that, I've been rolling along with my life and just handling the unexpected:

One lover and I crossed sort of a significant line and became a bit closer. I think we are moving towards something interesting, though I am not sure what that is. I feel a mix of intrigue, affection, and a little disappointment about this relationship. It isn't ideal in a few different ways, but I am deliberately letting go of trying to steer it in any direction, just to see what happens.


A potential lover whom I'd gone out with a few times fizzled out into nothingness. It weirdly ended before getting off the ground and I think that the way it happened is somewhat regrettable, because I really liked him, but I suspect I may have dodged a bullet, so to speak. Speaking about himself, he told me he is "very complicated," so I think he might just be someone who is more of a drama magnet than I really want to deal with... oh well, I wish him the best as he heads off into the sunset.


A new guy very recently popped into my life and has quickly become a lover of mine. He comes by and rings my doorbell late at night, wants to help me paint my apartment, and he's funny, but the sex isn't great - it's just okay. So far. He's got good potential, but I am going to have to teach him a few things. Either that or tell him to take a hike.
"I need a lover that won't drive me crazy,
Someone to thrill me, and then go away
I need a lover that won't drive me crazy
Someone that knows the meaning of ah, hey hit the highway."​
LOL.


There is another guy who has been wanting to meet me, but that would be a kind of LDR and I am just not sure I want to bother with that. But he seems like a good potential, so maybe I will take a chance. I owe him an email.


Oh, and I realized the other day that I need to stock up on condoms. Sigh, the cost sure adds up.


Well, anyway, off I go to keep rolling along with what life brings me....
 
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bassman said:
Still struggling in the friend zone. My ex love is responding more to my whatssapp messages. At least if she stays a friend, I havent lost her completely. And im short of friends, especially since my divorce 2 yrs ago. Its amazing, that, when the divorce happened, some of the people who you thought would stay your friend, dont. And some you had definitely pegged to dump you, didnt. Weird.
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ah well, she re-iterated the friend zone status to me tonight. but at least I got a few messages on whatssapp which is re-assuring that we will be friends at least.

on a new topic, ive instructed a debt collector because the place where I contract is taking ages to pay me. Ive tried to be patient but taking some control now has reduced my anxiety.
Ive also written a formal letter to my tenants who have late paid me every month for 2 years now. i guess im tired of being pushed around ! lol.

Im in Wales for work and tried to meet some poly folk here. One person respond, but is unfortunately busy this week.
 
Had to tell the husband to stop "asking for permission" to spend time with his bf. When it sounds like he is asking my permission, it hits me all the wrong way and brings back all sorts of negative feelings. I told him I would NEVER deny him permission to see anyone, but I might remind him of prior obligations and things I wanted to do, at which point we could prioritize the schedule. Don't ask for permission, state your desires and then we can figure out if it will work.
 
Not doing so hot, been thinking about my future and if I'll ever find anyone who will love me with all the extra stuff I'm into/want. You know, something most people worry about. I've also been in a lot of pain the last week, I was hit by a car almost two years ago and just when I thought things were on the up and up..my back freaked out again. Don't get me started on the treatments. Ugh. Insurance. But yeah, those things coupled with a break up of my partner of 2+ years is pulling me further into my pit of depression.

I will say coming on here does help a little since everyone seems very kind and open minded. Positive personalities and thinking really does do a lot of good.
 
SNeacail said:
Had to tell the husband to stop "asking for permission" to spend time with his bf. When it sounds like he is asking my permission, it hits me all the wrong way and brings back all sorts of negative feelings. I told him I would NEVER deny him permission to see anyone, but I might remind him of prior obligations and things I wanted to do, at which point we could prioritize the schedule. Don't ask for permission, state your desires and then we can figure out if it will work.
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I've never been in that situation, but I've been in similar ones where a previous partner felt they had to "get my permission first" which made me feel ill. Its not a fun sensation, and I hope they two of you will be able to voice your desires without permission even coming into play!
 
Need some more hugs ( i know ive had a lot, but pls try). I ve just had a cry on the bus. Im working away and it was from the work place to the hotel. My recently lost girlfriend, who I sent flowers on the weekend, is rather irritated with the attention im still giving her, as she has a new "relationship". I can clearly here her saying, a few weeks ago "We will always be in each others lives", and "I dont write people off", and "I dont want to lose you".

Its a bitter pill to swallow now when she doesnt care if I have arrived safely, or that I want her to have a nice weekend. I miss her and the family, I got on really well with the kids, I darent ask her how they are.

What really confuses me is that she says the attention is bothering her new partner! Hang on, when she and I fell in love, and got together 18 months ago, she was still involved with the husband (not anymore to be fair), so why does the new partner get to tell me to piss off, but I allowed her and hub to carry on?? I know, life isnt fair.
 
@Bassman, I'm not sure we've really ever interacted, but here's some support for what it's worth. I too have an ex that swore up one side and down the other that he still loved me as a friend and that we meant more to each other than was easily written off... and yet now sees me at a party and actively avoids me, let alone actually have a conversation. It's hard.
 
icesong said:
@Bassman, I'm not sure we've really ever interacted, but here's some support for what it's worth. I too have an ex that swore up one side and down the other that he still loved me as a friend and that we meant more to each other than was easily written off... and yet now sees me at a party and actively avoids me, let alone actually have a conversation. It's hard.
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IceSong, thank you. I was relieved that she wrote today that she deosnt want to hurt me or lose me. But it went through my heart when I read her request for me to stop contacting her daily.
 
kdt26417 said:
(hug)
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Thanks Kevin. At least she messages me still a few times a day, even though some of it was to confirm again my friend zone status. I slept awful and it makes my emotions come up so much easier. I really hope I can sleep better tonight. I will watch a mindless movie to try and distract me.

The only good news I have, is that a lawyer is chasing my payments for me and the company has responded. It feels good to have taken some control back.
 
I hope things'll keep looking up even more.
 
kdt26417 said:
I hope things'll keep looking up even more.
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Thanks Kevin. had a friendly whatsapp chat last night - I am being strong enough to let her contact me first. When some resentments started coming through I think we both decided to stop.

Ive slept awful for 3 nights now. But I have been running and losing weight, and reading self help.

I miss her terribly, at the moment I cant imagine being in love with someone else.
 
A torn heart takes time to heal. Nurture yours with patience.

It sounds like you're doing the best you can.
 
kdt26417 said:
A torn heart takes time to heal. Nurture yours with patience.

It sounds like you're doing the best you can.
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Thanks Kevin. again we had a long chat on whatsapp yesterday and last night. The self hlep book is helping me, but it also forcing me took at myself, and why I am half to blame for her being fed up with me. It really hurts now to see how I could have done things differently.

I react bad when not listened to, or when I fell attacked. I go back to primevil reaction and attack back. Instead of trying to ask for what I want in a gentle but assertive way.

ouch, I am really hurting today and dont know how I kept the tears back in a meeting ive just had.


On the other hand, I feel selfish. Ive got a beautiful son, and I met a guyy last night who cant have kids with his wife, they tried 4/5 times and each time she miscarriaged, how awful.
 
Gosh more whatsapp with the lost love tonight and disecting what went wrong. There is resentment on both sides, but chatting is good. Its better to get it out and it is far better to aire disappointments now.

Again i feel selfish.
I had a call with an old schoolfriend who thinks her sons fatal car crash was a staged murder!! Perhaps i should just be grateful and not upset about the breakup
 
Life is good on the home-front. Boys and I spent T-giving day with my family and then had dinner with MrS's on Friday. My mom gave each Boy cookies for their birthdays.

It amuses me that our (mine and MrS's) immediate families are happy to accept Dude as part of our family without details, but it is the Brothers-in-Law that don't really know how to respond. The kids (nieces and nephews) are hesitant but inviting:p.
 
bassman said:
Gosh more whatsapp with the lost love tonight and disecting what went wrong. There is resentment on both sides, but chatting is good. Its better to get it out and it is far better to aire disappointments now.

Again i feel selfish.
I had a call with an old schoolfriend who thinks her sons fatal car crash was a staged murder!! Perhaps i should just be grateful and not upset about the breakup
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The lost love and I emailled tonight. I wrote down how I felt, and she can digest it now. Maybe not to save us, maybe to take the feedback to the next relationship.

I feel a bit liberated being able to write my frustrations out. She called me on some stuff, and I called her on a lot, too.
 
Feeling discouraged. I need to move out of the lovely rental home I used to share with my husband, I can't afford it on my own. But every place I see within my price range is dark, dank, cramped apartment, or a tiny cottage on a corner of the landlord's property, and they have these rules that you're supposed to live like a friggin' nun, no smoking, no drinking, no drugs, no parties, no noise. I'm quiet and don't smoke cigs, so I can live with that, but I started down this path to reclaim my sexuality, only to find that everywhere I can afford to live, the landlord's say "No overnight guests." And no pets--Who the hell doesn't have pets???? It is humiliating being working class. It's like I don't even have the right to claim my own space in the world.
 
Off to Vegas for a 'girls trip' with Djinn in the morning. Looking forward to time away together without Mal, Billie or the kids! We need to rebond after the (mutual) craziness of the middle of November. It is also 60 degrees (or so) warmer there than here so it will be wonderful to be somewhere that the air doesn't hurt my face, lol!
 
Havent slept a night through in about 2 weeks now.

Torn up about my lost love, I have tried to articulate how awful I felt when we argued and how her words have the power to stab me in the heart like a knife, and then get twisted.

She is on my mind nearly 24/7. I hope we will rekindle in the future with therapy thrown in for us both.
 
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