I managed 6 hours which is slightly better than any night in the last two weeks. This breakup sucks. We are still friends and whatsapp each day a few times. I will be strong and wait and see. I am doing self caring, i am exercising loads, reading, and my friends are being wonderful. I have gone over my wrong doings in my head and they are many. The thing is that when i am spoken to very sharply, I get cut deep, especially by someone who i have trusted to look after me.
The "How Are You Doing" Thread (redux)
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I managed 6 hours which is slightly better than any night in the last two weeks. This breakup sucks. We are still friends and whatsapp each day a few times. I will be strong and wait and see. I am doing self caring, i am exercising loads, reading, and my friends are being wonderful. I have gone over my wrong doings in my head and they are many. The thing is that when i am spoken to very sharply, I get cut deep, especially by someone who i have trusted to look after me.
need hugs. Am very cut up over being shoved into the friend zone. ouch, it is difficult to grasp that the imagined future and good times that were coming, have disappeared now. :-(
Hugs please, crying quite a bit here.
The only good thing is that I went to a poly meet in Holland last night. It was great to speak out loud, and two nice women wanted to chat, so that helped a *tiny* bit.
Hugs please, crying quite a bit here.
The only good thing is that I went to a poly meet in Holland last night. It was great to speak out loud, and two nice women wanted to chat, so that helped a *tiny* bit.
wildflowers
New member
Sorry you're having such a rough time, Bassman. It's a tough transition for sure.
Are you sure the regular contact is not making it harder for you? I know a bunch of people here are helped by a period of no contact.
Hope you can get some more rest and peace soon.
Hugs.
Are you sure the regular contact is not making it harder for you? I know a bunch of people here are helped by a period of no contact.
Hope you can get some more rest and peace soon.
Hugs.
Wildflowers.
I am getting up enough strength for a "no contact" period. I managed it today, really difficult to push through when I am crying my eyes out wishing we could have fixed it.
It is probably teh best way too, if I have any hope of getting her to come back, then no contact is probably better till her anger wears off, anyway.
I am getting up enough strength for a "no contact" period. I managed it today, really difficult to push through when I am crying my eyes out wishing we could have fixed it.
It is probably teh best way too, if I have any hope of getting her to come back, then no contact is probably better till her anger wears off, anyway.
We had all these plans that were going to come together now, Dec, Jan, and next year was going to be better. :-(
Now it seems they are gone.
Stinging. I decided to try one more date with this woman I've gone out with a couple times, but who doesn't seem ready for the kind of relationship I want. Well, she's in her early 30's, and she's telling me over dinner how badly she wants a baby. I'm trying to be understanding, though I've never experienced that biological clock thing, and I don't generally enjoy children.
Anyway, afterwards, we go back to my place. Her phone is blowing up. She tells me she's got an ex-lover coming into town, and she'd sort of promised him a booty call. Then she tells me she's only doing it to "steal" his sperm: she's ovulating, she's gone off birth control, she doesn't want to tell him because she knows he doesn't want kids. Needless to say, I am frigging appalled. I pointed out how unethical her actions are, such a violation to this guy, and she admits I'm right. Still, her phone is blowing up, this guy is ready for her. At that point, I just wanted her gone. I put a smile on my face and told her "go do what you need to do." And she left.
A few minutes later she calls me to tell me she's decided not to sleep with the guy after all. I guess I was supposed to be glad. I told her she and I would not be dating again. She apologized profusely, and I said we could still be friends, (I just meant Facebook friends.) I figure when someone leaves your date to go to a booty call to steal sperm, that is a huge red flag.
Anyway, afterwards, we go back to my place. Her phone is blowing up. She tells me she's got an ex-lover coming into town, and she'd sort of promised him a booty call. Then she tells me she's only doing it to "steal" his sperm: she's ovulating, she's gone off birth control, she doesn't want to tell him because she knows he doesn't want kids. Needless to say, I am frigging appalled. I pointed out how unethical her actions are, such a violation to this guy, and she admits I'm right. Still, her phone is blowing up, this guy is ready for her. At that point, I just wanted her gone. I put a smile on my face and told her "go do what you need to do." And she left.
A few minutes later she calls me to tell me she's decided not to sleep with the guy after all. I guess I was supposed to be glad. I told her she and I would not be dating again. She apologized profusely, and I said we could still be friends, (I just meant Facebook friends.) I figure when someone leaves your date to go to a booty call to steal sperm, that is a huge red flag.
JaneQSmythe
Well-known member
Am trying to not contact my ex love, its very difficult with her on my mind constantly.
Went sailing in my little boat, I capsized twice, which was good, because I could stop thinking about her for about 2 minutes !
Ah well, I think she might come back. If not, Im not really interested in dating at the moment.
Will book my self 2 overseas trips now to help myself feel better.
Went sailing in my little boat, I capsized twice, which was good, because I could stop thinking about her for about 2 minutes !
Ah well, I think she might come back. If not, Im not really interested in dating at the moment.
Will book my self 2 overseas trips now to help myself feel better.
Went to see a counsellor today. I think we will be ok working together, I will try and go bi-weekly.
The old love contacted me today with some chit chat on facebook. She became a bit miffed when I didn't reply for about 4 hrs. Sh there is obviously some emotional attachment still. I'm not hoping, but I will leave the door open for her.
The old love contacted me today with some chit chat on facebook. She became a bit miffed when I didn't reply for about 4 hrs. Sh there is obviously some emotional attachment still. I'm not hoping, but I will leave the door open for her.
SNeacail
New member
Not acceptable - I get that emotions are running high, but... If it's that important make a phone call. Most of us don't sit around all day and night, just waiting to reply to texts, emails or fb messages, we have other things to do that require our attention. It's not uncommon for my husband to not receive texts from me until hours later and vice versa (yes, his cell carrier through work sucks).
Glad counseling looks promising.
Hannahfluke
Member
We (my husband, our two boys {20 and 18}, and me) are going on vacation next week. We're going to Disney World, getting in on Tuesday December 16 and leaving late on Tuesday December 23. I am getting so excited. We booked the vacation clear back in May, so it's hard to believe it is next week. I am really excited about going! I realize there is going to come a time when my boys aren't going to be in a position that they want to, or are able to, take the time to do vacations like this with us, so it's great to have this experience to look forward to! Given how depressed I've been lately, being excited and happy about something is such a nice change.
the confusing thing is that i have many devices, 2 ipads, a laptop and a phone, so I think what happens is that I am shown online when I might not even be looking at any of these.
SNeacail
New member
Exactly! It's real easy to leave it open on the computer and walk away. I've been know to have fb open, but minimized because I'm WORKING on 5 other things. Just because it's pops up on the mobile devices doesn't mean the receiver is actually in a position to answer immediately - my husband has been know to leave his phone all over the house for hours until he figures out he doesn't know where he left it.
nycindie
Active member
I'm happy for you! Have a good time - enjoy!
nycindie
Active member
So, tonite...
Omigosh! I met a guy! I met a guy! I met a guy! In a restaurant... We exchanged numbers! He wants to see me again! He's so nice! Super nice! And handsome! A hottie! Divorced and independent! Owns a sailboat! Lives a few blocks from me! He moved to sit next to me and struck up a convo - he likes me!!!! I met a guy! I met a guy! I met a guy! Yay-yay-yay-yay-YAAAAYYYY!!!!!!
Omigosh! I met a guy! I met a guy! I met a guy! In a restaurant... We exchanged numbers! He wants to see me again! He's so nice! Super nice! And handsome! A hottie! Divorced and independent! Owns a sailboat! Lives a few blocks from me! He moved to sit next to me and struck up a convo - he likes me!!!! I met a guy! I met a guy! I met a guy! Yay-yay-yay-yay-YAAAAYYYY!!!!!!
That's lovely !
A2Poly
New member
I feel really secure right now.
Last Christmas I was a total mess, my family of origin was in the final throws of imploding (dad passed in 2012, in 2013 my mom decided I was crazy and tried to convince me and all of my freinds I was. I eventually had to go 'no contact' to save my sanity).
This Christmas is so different. I feel secure in Mal and my relationship (first time ever in any relationship I feel that way), and Djinn and I are doing great.
I feel a bit worried about her and Alladin's up coming visit. He's back in her city for a month starting just after Christmas. And I know she is feeling some anxiety about it. And her anxiety often leads to bad places, and then to my anxiety being triggered and leading me to bad places.
But her and Mal's relationship is doing better with the help of some individual and couple's counselling, and that makes me feel more secure in my relationships with both if them. And that 'frees up' some emotional energy for me to support her through this first visit with Alladin since they transitioned back to being 'just friends'...
So over all? I feel good we've weathered some storms as we got ourselves organised, but this feels right. I'm so glad we all pushed through the hard places. And I feel like we are committed to sticking through the next rough patches... and that feels amazing.
Last Christmas I was a total mess, my family of origin was in the final throws of imploding (dad passed in 2012, in 2013 my mom decided I was crazy and tried to convince me and all of my freinds I was. I eventually had to go 'no contact' to save my sanity).
This Christmas is so different. I feel secure in Mal and my relationship (first time ever in any relationship I feel that way), and Djinn and I are doing great.
I feel a bit worried about her and Alladin's up coming visit. He's back in her city for a month starting just after Christmas. And I know she is feeling some anxiety about it. And her anxiety often leads to bad places, and then to my anxiety being triggered and leading me to bad places.
But her and Mal's relationship is doing better with the help of some individual and couple's counselling, and that makes me feel more secure in my relationships with both if them. And that 'frees up' some emotional energy for me to support her through this first visit with Alladin since they transitioned back to being 'just friends'...
So over all? I feel good
we've weathered some storms as we got ourselves organised, but this feels right. I'm so glad we all pushed through the hard places. And I feel like we are committed to sticking through the next rough patches... and that feels amazing.- Status