The "How Are You Doing" Thread (redux)

Status
Not open for further replies.
Another quick update!

So since my post a lot has happened in my life and to ask how i am going opens Pandora's box!

Well my fiancé and I decided to mutual take a step back from where we were to be best friends again. We were constantly bickering and fighting about the little things it was getting really petty and toxic for us and our daughter. We said we were always there for each other.

Whilst I have been really open with how am I feeling to her and everything. It feels like she has become more distant from me. She stopped telling me how she was doing, giving one answers and constantly on her phone talking to other guys. It feels like to me she is moving on from me already. Which would really hurt me.

We have kept the break up a secret from our parents cause we know the storm that will happen if they found out. Blaming her for it all but it's not just her it's both of us! We were adults, seeing where the relationship was heading we decided to change the path and hopefully get back on a later date if our paths cross again, I hope they do.

Friends, my daughter and even my ex fiancé have been my main source of getting through the day and keeping a smile on my face.

The thing that really frustrates me is that I know what I need to do to get my chance again to be by her side but taking the first step is not happening for me as fast as I would like ... All the other steps will fall into place once the first step happens! What is the first step? Finding a full time job, how hard should that be?

Putting how am I in a really vague nutshell I'm confused, happy, sad, angry, frustrated, in love, guilty, depressed, up, down, left, right, worried, basically every feeling under the sun.
 
For the record, finding a full-time job is never easy!

Sorry to hear you guys had to break up; I'm glad it was amicable. Hopefully in time you can get all your feelings sorted out and well ... only the future knows what the future will hold.
 
Finding Mal leaving after this weekend visit really hard. Four days is both too long and too short.
 
Today my boss (the owner of the business where I work) sat down and talked with me about upcoming vacations, personnel issues, and stuff like that. Then she asked me how I thought things were going since my former manager left the company (and no one has been hired to replace her). I have been running our location most of the time since then. I gave her some feedback, and she basically told me she is very happy with my work - which felt great because my review at the end of last year really sucked!

Well, maybe I am being too hard on myself but I did not get solid praise in every area at that review and it really stung. Most of my responsibilities were scaled back because it seemed that I was flailing in one particular area - but then I was given more responsibilities in another area, so it was confusing. At the time, my manager was still there and I had asked her to give me more guidance before she left, but then she became a basket case about leaving and everyone was upset that she was going, so my concerns were kind of lost in all of that.

Anyway, I have just been focusing on doing my best. I am very critical of myself, but I knew that I'd improved my performance in the area that was problematic for me previously -- but it was very affirming to hear her tell me that she saw it, too. I really like working there, and for my boss, even when it is stressful, because it does keep me on my toes and always striving to improve myself. Work relationships can be just as important as any other relationships, so I am glad I fit in someplace where people like and appreciate me. Although I do have days where I wish I could just sleep in and not have to show up anywhere, LOL.

Near the end of our conversation today, I officially let her know that I'd like to be considered for the manager position and that I want to keep working towards improving my skills and confidence to be able to do that. She said she saw no reason why I couldn't be the manager when I felt more ready, because I've been handling the management tasks at this location and she thinks that I see things about the business in a way very similar to hers, and she likes that. She didn't actually offer me the position, though I didn't think she would. I still need to work on my confidence. Plus she is probably going to go as long as possible without having to pay a manager's salary since business has not been as good as it was last year. I can totally understand that. We are a small company and every dollar counts. Although I am sure if she offered me the position, my salary wouldn't be anywhere near what the previous manager was making, because I'm a newbie at it and the old manager was there for many years.

Before I found this job, I had come terrifyingly close to being homeless. I never want to be in that dire of a situation again, so I just keep going and am thankful every day that I have this job, can pay my bills, and keep a roof over my head. The fact that I am acknowledged and appreciated, and considered an important part of the team is icing on the cake.

So, feeling tired but pretty good right now.
 
Last edited:
nycindie said:
Before I found this job, I had come terrifyingly close to being homeless. I never want to be in that dire of a situation again, so I just keep going and am thankful every day that I have this job, can pay my bills, and keep a roof over my head. The fact that I am acknowledged and appreciated, and considered an important part of the team is icing on the cake.

So, feeling tired but pretty good right now.
Click to expand...

This is a lovely update to read. :)

Very much agree with you about the benefits of positive work relationships and the possibilities for learning and personal growth while at work.

I have a job that I love and that fills a desire I have to solve problems and examine complex situations. I'd feel a real lack if I ever didn't have it.

IP
 
Nycindie, well done!

I am still cut up about ex love . Im messaging plenty of women, most are too far away from me. In any case, i cant find that deep connection I had with her. It sucks.
On a good note, ive booked a holiday to Australia with my son for April. Hooray.
 
Surgery on Thursday for 'girl stuff'. Billie is too busy to take the night off from work to say with me. Mal just went home and can't come back. Djinn can't come out here either.

Feeling scared and needy, and fighting to feel loved when everyone has more important things to do than take care of me when I need them.
 
Bad Bad Bad

Well, I'm new here.

I'm doing rather horrible. I've got persistent insomnia, I feel quite depressed, and my relationship with my girlfriend is going poorly. I'm hoping this glass of brandy helps me get to sleep.
 
Doing a survival-y job of holding up, trying to adapt to the bitter breakup and apparently permanent and complete end of all contact between R. and me.

I guess I'll call a close on the "dating and relationships" chapter on my life. Apperently, this stuff just ain't for me, after all.
 
I hope you got to sleep AspiringChill. I have real struggles with sleep sometimes - I feel for you.

I have a horrid cold just now which is making me feel sluggish and tired all the time. Will be glad when it finally goes away.
 
So, I just got a text from my ex who says his attorney told him our divorce papers were signed in December. If that is true, then, until my ex asked him, no one bothered to notify either of us. This is maddening because I need to know when my healthcare coverage ends (or ended?) because once we are divorced, I am no longer covered under his plan, and I will need to get it from my employer instead of his. I also need to know when my monetary settlement will come. My attorney says he doesn't believe it was signed yet.

Gaaaaahhh!
 
InsaneMystic said:
I guess I'll call a close on the "dating and relationships" chapter on my life. Apperently, this stuff just ain't for me, after all.
Click to expand...

Take your time coming back to it (if you do) It took me ten years! But I'm soooo much more secure/aware/stable/happy for the time spent!
 
Surgery went well. Waiting to be released. Feeling all floaty from the general. Feels weird.
 
Thanks InfinitePossibility. I hope your cold is no longer an issue.

Sleeping pills have helped, but I'm sort of maintaining rather than doing better or worse.
 
Wanting to blog and do stuff, but this "living like the mole people" thing is getting old and depressing. I'm tired of every road, every driveway, every sidewalk being a tunnel carved into the snow. Tired of having to nose out of each intersection, and by the time I can see the oncoming traffic, being halfway in the road as it is. It's impacting the hell out of my mood, and I want to get out, but it's negative-whatever with the wind chills and I don't want to leave the damned house. Bleh.

Had to get my roof shoveled off due to the load (made a loud BANG and buckled some of the drywall upstairs), which makes me thankful it happened before the wet snow/rain/sleet junk shows up this weekend.

I'm done with Winter. April vacation with the kids in Arizona is looking all the better right now...
 
Feeling rather encouraged and positive about the guy I started seeing last month. I had been wondering if he was still interested in seeing me. He and I had gotten together a few times, and then haven't seen each other for the last few weeks due to our schedules not meshing. There was a text here and there, without making plans, and then I suggested that I come over to his apartment and give him a massage. He told me he liked that idea but the trick would be to figure out when we could do that. I said, "Okay, let me know what works for you," and then I didn't hear from him for almost a week. In that message, he said he wouldn't be available until the coming week, and the way he worded it made me think he would let me know which night I could stop by.

Another week passed without hearing anything. I began to wonder if he was giving me the brush-off. After all, I had offered him a massage (and he knows I used to do bodywork professionally) but he didn't jump at the chance! I felt that sending another text just to say hello and inform him of my availability would be lame and make me appear desperate.

So, yesterday morning I sent him an email to let him know that I was feeling a bit confused by his having expressed interest and yet not contacting me for over a week. I told him that I don't need constant contact and know he is stressed and very busy -- and that I don't want to add to his stresses -- but I didn't know what to do because I didn't know if he wanted me to keep reaching out to him. I told him that I like him, enjoy his company, and want to keep things light and easy but that I also would like the chance for us to get closer.

Well, I am so glad I communicated that all to him. It can be tricky to let someone know what you want in the beginning of a relationship, when you are still just getting to know each other. I decided to just be direct. Turns out we are pretty much on the same page in terms of what we have time and energy for. He responded last night, which tells me he was sensitive to my concerns enough to get back to me on the same day, and he let me know has been super busy and super stressed but yes, would like to see me again and he has enjoyed my company every time we'd gotten together. He laid the truth out there, telling me what he level of involvement he feels emotionally ready and available for. And it is exactly on par with what I want.

So, yay for the newly budding relationship!

Edit:
I just re-read the message he sent me last night and am even more appreciative of his response, especially knowing the stresses he's been dealing with, and how exhausted he's been. Still, he took the time to write back and explain where he's been and tell me what he doesn't want to happen in a relationship - "resentments and bad feelings." He told me that, if it's okay with me, he'd like to keep things between us "light and easy-going," which is what I really was hoping for. After I sent my initial email, I was a little afraid that his answer would be something like, "Sorry, I don't have the time or energy for these kinds of questions and talking about relationships, so I'd rather we both move on." I wouldn't have liked that, but of course would have accepted and respected it. What has happened a lot in my dating life recently is that a guy will assume I want more entanglement than he can give, and he backs away before we've even had a chance to talk about what we want - they just believe all women want things to lead to The Committed Partnership. After the most recent one happened, I realized that when I go on dates, I need to be upfront about what I am looking for much sooner than I have been wanting to do it. Usually I just want to enjoy someone's company without any relationship talk.

Anyway, I replied to him a little while ago, and now I feel really good about the fact that I brought up the topic of "where we're at," so to speak. It is normally something I would rather do in person, but since we haven't seen each other in about three weeks and I had no idea when we would see each other, I was feeling like I needed some clarity. So glad I sent that email.

Hmm, next problem... giving him an alias here.
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top