Hey, I'm hurting and a lot of this may just be my feelings spilling out but I need advice or to vent or something.
[mod edit] First thread, for background: https://polyamory.com/threads/new-here-and-trying.157337/
My wife of many years and her boyfriend of 6 months are living in the same house and just living their life and I'm happy for them but also she and I are less close than we used to be. For a long time I have felt like the spark had good from our love life and she was just going through the motions. We recently, last month, decide to not be intimate with each other and stop pretending like that flame has gone out. It was a relief to just be honest and genuine with each other, but I also still crave that closeness and intimacy. I'm starting to date and find someone to share that with, but in the meantime we've decided that there's so much of value between us that we don't want to end our relationship. The problem is that it hurts me to know that her and her bf are growing closer and being intimate and I'm one bedroom away. I don't ever hear anything but I know when they pass my door heading to shower together that he gets to share something with her that I've lost, possibly forever. My logic brain says, it's ok, she's living her life, they deserve to enjoy each other, and I'm okay with it, logically. My heart just screams and pushes me to get as far away as possible and I'm caught in the flight response.
Anyone have any advice?
I want to keep my relationship with her. I want her to keep her relationship with him. I'm usually in knowing that or relationships are different and both fulfilling, in different ways. But the loss of intimacy is still pretty fresh and painful and I'm hoping will diminish over time.
Sorry for the rant...
[mod edit] First thread, for background: https://polyamory.com/threads/new-here-and-trying.157337/
My wife of many years and her boyfriend of 6 months are living in the same house and just living their life and I'm happy for them but also she and I are less close than we used to be. For a long time I have felt like the spark had good from our love life and she was just going through the motions. We recently, last month, decide to not be intimate with each other and stop pretending like that flame has gone out. It was a relief to just be honest and genuine with each other, but I also still crave that closeness and intimacy. I'm starting to date and find someone to share that with, but in the meantime we've decided that there's so much of value between us that we don't want to end our relationship. The problem is that it hurts me to know that her and her bf are growing closer and being intimate and I'm one bedroom away. I don't ever hear anything but I know when they pass my door heading to shower together that he gets to share something with her that I've lost, possibly forever. My logic brain says, it's ok, she's living her life, they deserve to enjoy each other, and I'm okay with it, logically. My heart just screams and pushes me to get as far away as possible and I'm caught in the flight response.
Anyone have any advice?
I want to keep my relationship with her. I want her to keep her relationship with him. I'm usually in knowing that or relationships are different and both fulfilling, in different ways. But the loss of intimacy is still pretty fresh and painful and I'm hoping will diminish over time.
Sorry for the rant...
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