Poly on purpose
- Thread starter Freetime
- Start date
SourGirl
Member
Ahh, secretive people are so much fun 
If you decide to chalk it up to a bump in the road, and not as a sign of more to come, then make sure you have your own principles set.
When you all settle down from this, make it clear that this lack of communication takes a while to get over, and influences any trust previously built. Be sure to have a clear course in your own head, if they break that basic desire for a heads-up again.
It's amazing how many people don`t see it as dishonesty. They try to write the script for everyone else.
Once they do see it, hopefully they realize their error. Good people make mistakes, but the best people learn from them.
If you decide to chalk it up to a bump in the road, and not as a sign of more to come, then make sure you have your own principles set.
When you all settle down from this, make it clear that this lack of communication takes a while to get over, and influences any trust previously built. Be sure to have a clear course in your own head, if they break that basic desire for a heads-up again.
It's amazing how many people don`t see it as dishonesty. They try to write the script for everyone else.
Once they do see it, hopefully they realize their error. Good people make mistakes, but the best people learn from them.
You're free, baby. I release you with love. Your life is yours again, without condition or responsibility to me anymore.
I thank you for telling me the truth. That took courage. Although I've known for long time, it helped to have you say it.
Over the past few years, I've felt the distance between us growing larger, the gulf between us wider, until it finally seemed impossible that we could be together for much longer.
You have moved so very far away. Oh my God, I miss you. We live in the same house, I see you every day. Touch you, talk to you, make love to you, and yet still not with you.
So much of what I've said or done has just made it that much worse, where nothing I could say or do would change this. All of this, my anger, my fear, my childish behavior, when all I really wanted was my best friend back.
You've been gone for so very long, baby, and I miss you.
And now I release you. I should have long ago, but I didn't have the courage. I didn't want to let you go, even though it was clear you were so unhappy here with me.
I apologize for being so selfish. I didn't want to lose you. I kept thinking, hoping you'd come back to me, but you never did.
I've spent years hiding, angry and frightened, making it impossible for you to truly be happy. But no more. No more hiding. No more running away. No more anger.
With this last promise I make to you, I let you go.
Now you let me go. it's okay, baby. It's time.
I will always love you. I promise.
I thank you for telling me the truth. That took courage. Although I've known for long time, it helped to have you say it.
Over the past few years, I've felt the distance between us growing larger, the gulf between us wider, until it finally seemed impossible that we could be together for much longer.
You have moved so very far away. Oh my God, I miss you. We live in the same house, I see you every day. Touch you, talk to you, make love to you, and yet still not with you.
So much of what I've said or done has just made it that much worse, where nothing I could say or do would change this. All of this, my anger, my fear, my childish behavior, when all I really wanted was my best friend back.
You've been gone for so very long, baby, and I miss you.
And now I release you. I should have long ago, but I didn't have the courage. I didn't want to let you go, even though it was clear you were so unhappy here with me.
I apologize for being so selfish. I didn't want to lose you. I kept thinking, hoping you'd come back to me, but you never did.
I've spent years hiding, angry and frightened, making it impossible for you to truly be happy. But no more. No more hiding. No more running away. No more anger.
With this last promise I make to you, I let you go.
Now you let me go. it's okay, baby. It's time.
I will always love you. I promise.
MonoVCPHG
New member
There is sadness and happiness to be found in this post. Talk to me any time you want to, my friend. Hope you are okay.
rubyslippers
New member
HBO series?
Not to be blunt, Freetime, but keep writing. Your story has touched me. If there's a producer out there scouring this blog, we'll be seeing the series Free Love by Freetime on HBO soon.
Not to be blunt, Freetime, but keep writing. Your story has touched me. If there's a producer out there scouring this blog, we'll be seeing the series Free Love by Freetime on HBO soon.
My life rocks/sucks.
I'm back. So much has changed. Moving out Jan 1, divorce in progress, and more pain and happiness then I thought I could ever experience.
The cruelty I've had to deal with from my wife is difficult to describe. Suffice to say, I get I mean nothing to her, and truthfully never did. Love is a funny thing. My wife's behavior isn't new, just ramped up to a new level.
I have an awesome job. I work for a multinational PR firm, travel a lot and love what I do. I'm really good at it.
My only challenge is how my wife is behaving and how much her indifference hurts.
Here's what I'm working with right now. Divorce, moving out, money issues, new job, and trying to understand why someone who says they "love me" acts so reprehensibly.
But soon I'll never have to deal with her again, and that, my friends, is truly freeing.
I've made it clear that, in the short time I have left in this house, certain shit won't fly, and have backed it up. Feels good. No more door mat. No more feeling sorry for myself. My life is mine and I'm living it to its fullest right now. Both good and bad. I work hard and I party harder.
I just got back from San Francisco, good times. I'm off to Toronto on the 19th and plan to hit it hard, live loud and kick ass. I'm back.
Let the games begin. I'm all in.
Freetime
P.S. I will always love her.
I'm back. So much has changed. Moving out Jan 1, divorce in progress, and more pain and happiness then I thought I could ever experience.
The cruelty I've had to deal with from my wife is difficult to describe. Suffice to say, I get I mean nothing to her, and truthfully never did. Love is a funny thing. My wife's behavior isn't new, just ramped up to a new level.
I have an awesome job. I work for a multinational PR firm, travel a lot and love what I do. I'm really good at it.
My only challenge is how my wife is behaving and how much her indifference hurts.
Here's what I'm working with right now. Divorce, moving out, money issues, new job, and trying to understand why someone who says they "love me" acts so reprehensibly.
But soon I'll never have to deal with her again, and that, my friends, is truly freeing.
I've made it clear that, in the short time I have left in this house, certain shit won't fly, and have backed it up. Feels good. No more door mat. No more feeling sorry for myself. My life is mine and I'm living it to its fullest right now. Both good and bad. I work hard and I party harder.
I just got back from San Francisco, good times. I'm off to Toronto on the 19th and plan to hit it hard, live loud and kick ass. I'm back.
Let the games begin. I'm all in.
Freetime
P.S. I will always love her.
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IndieSolo
Active member
How strange. I actually clicked on you profile just last night. I was wondering what you'd been up to, and how you were.
I am sorry to hear that your marriage is ending. Even when it's for the better, it isn't easy to go through.
Is Tess still with Mike? Are you still seeing your other loves, Tilly and FHC?
I am sorry to hear that your marriage is ending. Even when it's for the better, it isn't easy to go through.
Is Tess still with Mike? Are you still seeing your other loves, Tilly and FHC?
dingedheart
Well-known member
Welcome back, stranger
Sorry to hear things didn't work out. I thought things were on an upward trajectory for you and your wife. You went from having a horribly struggling mono partner, to having 2 gfs and a wife. Almost urban-myth status.
As Indie asked, do you still have the others, or are there new people now?
The most important question on everyone's mind (or likely just mine) is, did you ever get the motorcycle? If so, what kind?
Sorry to hear things didn't work out. I thought things were on an upward trajectory for you and your wife. You went from having a horribly struggling mono partner, to having 2 gfs and a wife. Almost urban-myth status.
As Indie asked, do you still have the others, or are there new people now?
The most important question on everyone's mind (or likely just mine) is, did you ever get the motorcycle? If so, what kind?
rubyslippers
New member
Yeehah!
Have at it, Freetime!
Have at it, Freetime!
Carma
New member
Hey, FT, poly didn't work for my marriage, either. But I learned so much along the way, I can't say the journey wasn't a worthwhile one. I hope you're doing okay.
Watch the partying -- hangovers, ugh. Not just the physical ones, either. The emotional ones really suck.
Thinking of you.
Watch the partying -- hangovers, ugh. Not just the physical ones, either. The emotional ones really suck.
Thinking of you.
The details I'll keep to myself, but I rarely lacked company, partied like it was 2099, aaaaand, apparently wasn't as discreet as I thought I was. I may lose my job over the company I was keeping.
But even if I don't lose this gig, it's a wake-up call. I'm starting to reach out to friends, finding a way to heal my spirit and deal with my grief.
I found a community here in my hometown of some very down-to-earth, spiritually grounded individuals, who I hope I'll get to spend more time with.
It's been hard for me to stay with the idea of love and gentleness when I'm experiencing so much loss. And I'll never make it alone.
I'm one soul-tired human being, and this is just too big for me to carry on my own.
So, there you go. Good to talk to you all again. I missed you.
FT
But even if I don't lose this gig, it's a wake-up call. I'm starting to reach out to friends, finding a way to heal my spirit and deal with my grief.
I found a community here in my hometown of some very down-to-earth, spiritually grounded individuals, who I hope I'll get to spend more time with.
It's been hard for me to stay with the idea of love and gentleness when I'm experiencing so much loss. And I'll never make it alone.
I'm one soul-tired human being, and this is just too big for me to carry on my own.
So, there you go. Good to talk to you all again. I missed you.
FT
redpepper
Active member
Good. I'm glad you have some people near you that sound nurturing. It might be a way to build something new up again.
You are never alone, Freetime. Head to nature and you will see. Soak it in. Remember camping and those trees I showed you. That is where I go. Maybe there is a place you go.
Well, a man of two worlds. One that satisfies my need for adrenaline and excitement, the other that fills my need/desire for peace of mind and love.
I'm going with the second alternative, at least for now. I've been at war within myself for so long I barely remember who or what kind of man I had hoped to become.
I have no idea where my current journey will lead me, but I'm letting go of the shame, the blame and the anger.
I've also let go of the gfs. All of them. The motorcycle is coming soon. I'm heading to a bike show in Jan here in my hometown, where I'll hopefully pick up my Harley Nightster.
I'm going with the second alternative, at least for now. I've been at war within myself for so long I barely remember who or what kind of man I had hoped to become.
I have no idea where my current journey will lead me, but I'm letting go of the shame, the blame and the anger.
I've also let go of the gfs. All of them. The motorcycle is coming soon. I'm heading to a bike show in Jan here in my hometown, where I'll hopefully pick up my Harley Nightster.
dingedheart
Well-known member
A Nightster. Great choice. Sounds like you're planning a happy new year. Good for you.
I am very sorry to hear things have devolved so badly with your wife. It's shocking how mean and uncaring people can be, and the stupid reasons for it. Take care of yourself...
I am very sorry to hear things have devolved so badly with your wife. It's shocking how mean and uncaring people can be, and the stupid reasons for it. Take care of yourself...
Now I know
This entire year has never been about polyamory. What it has been about is letting go and acceptance.
Along the way, I've met some of you in person, talked to others on the phone or communicated through PM and this board. Thank you.
Thank you for caring about one tired and very frightened human being, long enough for him to understand and find support closer to home.
Some journeys were meant to be walked alone. This wasn't one of them.
I will always be a member here, for you are my community. You are the first ones I reached out to, who listened and offered guidance, support and love.
My journey from this point forward is not known, a mystery. But I know I do not walk it alone.
Peace be with you all,
Freetime
This entire year has never been about polyamory. What it has been about is letting go and acceptance.
Along the way, I've met some of you in person, talked to others on the phone or communicated through PM and this board. Thank you.
Thank you for caring about one tired and very frightened human being, long enough for him to understand and find support closer to home.
Some journeys were meant to be walked alone. This wasn't one of them.
I will always be a member here, for you are my community. You are the first ones I reached out to, who listened and offered guidance, support and love.
My journey from this point forward is not known, a mystery. But I know I do not walk it alone.
Peace be with you all,
Freetime
I've met someone
very special. I'll refer to her as Rain. I attended (are you ready for this?) a cuddle party.
Yes, I know. Martial arts, firearms and motorcycles don't exactly seem to fit the profile, but off I went. I truly do not know why, except that what I've been doing lately wasn't giving me the peace I've sought, so I chose to do something completely different.
When the Invitation came in, I said Huh? But I was drawn to it, and decided to follow my heart on this one. I'm very glad I did. It was a night of gentleness, love and profound kindness. No sex, but an intimacy of the soul, for me, was established with one particular woman. I don't know when I've been in the presence of such a powerful, gentle spirit before. (Actually I do. Hi, RP!) What I do know is that I was able to let go of my masks and acts, fear and grief, and just went with my heart.
We met again last night for tea, and talked for hours. I find that being with her quiets my mind, and allows me to be present in the moment. She teaches tanta, is married and poly. I've met her husband, who is also a very cool human being. I'll be having dinner with them next week.
I hope to grow this relationship with her, as she quiets my soul and inflames my passion. I think what surprised me most about that night, though, was that she also felt the connection, heart to heart. Being with Rain is like being a child again. Happy and playful.
Also that night I met two other women, very centered and powerful in their own right. They teach meditation and follow a path of spiritual openness. They took a chance and invited this guy (me) to join them at a special potluck/gathering they are having Dec 30.
I have so much to learn, but it would seem that the universe has my back.
Six months ago I was all fight, no quit. Two weeks ago, I was still at times blaming Tess for my pain. Today? Today I'm a different man. I cannot truly describe what's going on right now within me, but I am enjoying it.
I'll always be a child of the wild places. It is who I am. But I'm discovering that there may be more to this old wolf than I realized.
very special. I'll refer to her as Rain. I attended (are you ready for this?) a cuddle party.
Yes, I know. Martial arts, firearms and motorcycles don't exactly seem to fit the profile, but off I went. I truly do not know why, except that what I've been doing lately wasn't giving me the peace I've sought, so I chose to do something completely different.
When the Invitation came in, I said Huh? But I was drawn to it, and decided to follow my heart on this one. I'm very glad I did. It was a night of gentleness, love and profound kindness. No sex, but an intimacy of the soul, for me, was established with one particular woman. I don't know when I've been in the presence of such a powerful, gentle spirit before. (Actually I do. Hi, RP!) What I do know is that I was able to let go of my masks and acts, fear and grief, and just went with my heart.
We met again last night for tea, and talked for hours. I find that being with her quiets my mind, and allows me to be present in the moment. She teaches tanta, is married and poly. I've met her husband, who is also a very cool human being. I'll be having dinner with them next week.
I hope to grow this relationship with her, as she quiets my soul and inflames my passion. I think what surprised me most about that night, though, was that she also felt the connection, heart to heart. Being with Rain is like being a child again. Happy and playful.
Also that night I met two other women, very centered and powerful in their own right. They teach meditation and follow a path of spiritual openness. They took a chance and invited this guy (me) to join them at a special potluck/gathering they are having Dec 30.
I have so much to learn, but it would seem that the universe has my back.
Six months ago I was all fight, no quit. Two weeks ago, I was still at times blaming Tess for my pain. Today? Today I'm a different man. I cannot truly describe what's going on right now within me, but I am enjoying it.
I'll always be a child of the wild places. It is who I am. But I'm discovering that there may be more to this old wolf than I realized.