The man is originally from Bali, where he was raised until he was four. His parents died and he was moved to Canada by his older siblings. He is the youngest of ten children. His parents got married because his mother was under threat of being raped by Japanese soldiers when they raided and occupied Bali during the Second World War. Unmarried and childless women were under this threat. His father didn't know him, as he immigrated to Canada to work and send money home.
When he finished high school in Canada he became a truck driver who drove produce from Vancouver to Whistler in British Colombia. Eventually he met his wife, a nursing student, got married and moved to my city. His wife has always told him he is stupid, at least, that is the story as I understand it. I wonder if there is some racism there.
Updates on things:
My ex PN has remarried under her new name and has moved away to work on her father's farm that was left to her when he died. I raise my son on my own in the house we all once shared. The kid is 16 now and learning to drive. He makes me dinner from meal kits twice a week and we volunteer at a local community kitchen together. He hasn't gotten a job yet, as he is driven by academics, but this summer he is hoping to work at a local grocery store, or better yet, a local record store. He's really into music and sports. He has one year left of high school and then, who knows what?
Mono is nowhere to be found. I think he moved out of my city. I haven't seen him in years. My coworker saw him recently, so he hasn't gone far. I have my thoughts about what he does with himself, but really, I have no idea. As I meant absolutely nothing to him, I try not to think about him at all. What's the point of wasting my energy and thoughts on someone who never held me to any kind of value that was beyond his own need for some kind of acceptance by me and everyone around me? He gave nothing in return, so I try not to give anything to him now, even in his absence from my life.
I sometimes can't believe I was living my poly dream... bizarre. It was never anyone else's but my own, and it was all built on lies and deception.
My best friend has gotten married, and is about to have a child at age 47! She remains a constant and I am so happy for her! I'm not sure her new wife likes me much, so I am wondering what will become of our relationship. I hope she'll start to like me. She "wears the pants" in their relationship, though, so we shall see.
I have spent much time travelling with the boy: to Europe on a school trip for the remembrance of D-Day last spring, to Mexico several times, to Quebec to visit my brother and his family. I hope to travel more.
My brother moved to my city with my two-year old niece and one-year old nephew this year, and that has been an adjustment. I'd like to say we spend a lot of time together, and we did, at first. But I require a lot of time alone now and find social situations to be incredibly draining. I need to sleep a lot and I spend large amounts of time working on my shit.
I don't seem to have the same draw I used to have. I'm fine with that. Honestly, the world has become entirely overwhelming and far too unpredictable for me in its current state. Spending time alone and in nature is really all I can do to hang on, most of the time. My inner world has become everything. I'm not entirely healthy, at this point. I can't seem to figure out how to get to a place where I feel safe and content with life. I imagine many people feel this way, due to our current shit-show of a planet.
I am still dating the guy I met five years ago. We see each other at arm's length and I am constantly grappling with the mono belief around me that we have to entwine ourselves more than we already are. I don't want marriage, financial merging, living together. I didn't even expect a Valentine's card this past Friday. I feel quite happy for a bit of companionship, uncluttered by our huge differences. I get about my life when I don't see him. He wishes it were otherwise, but I am firm that I am not intending to work on anything more than making arrangements to watch Survivor together once a week, have a quick fuck and fall asleep together. Our families see us as quite different, but that's on them to come to terms with. It does bother me that essentially I am doing to all of them what Mono did to me and my family (except I'm not cheating), so I try and stay as honest as possible, which is likely confusing to everyone.
So, future goals... continue to stay in my routine and nurture the poly group I facilitate, along with the friendships that have developed over the years, more motorbike riding, more art creating, more writing, more money so I can pay to have other people do what needs to be done around my house and property, and the development of nurturing, sustainable, loving relationships. I'd be happy with one mind-blowing connection that is everlasting and filled with contentment, joy, peace, integrity and wildly fun and connecting sex.
That would be no small feat.
I sound so boring. I don't write often because really, I am boring. Lol. Aw well. This did me some good, and that's all that matters.
The man is a Leo and his wife is an Aries. I'm a Sag. If that means anything to anyone, and they care to comment, I'm up for that.