under_moonlight
New member
Hi all!
Recently on TikTok a creator posted a video to help polyam people find each other through the comments. They posted each state and told people to comment below their state to help us find each other. My state was surprisingly popular, but nothing seemed to come of it past the commenting. A few of us pointed out we probably could start a Discord server/kik for us to communicate better and, with no one else stepping forward, I decided to take the lead.
Before I create this server though I figured I would get some insight from people who are on this site since a lot of you seem super knowledgeable! I am not a wing it kind of person, and I often put in a lot of research into these sort of things.
I have never made a Discord server before, so these questions are based primarily on servers I have been a member of, as well as some articles I've read on how to make a good server. These are less technical questions, and more about the community that you have built here and how it has lasted for so many years!
Specific Topic
A good server has a specific topic and is not to general. I want to be inclusive of the different lifestyles people lead, but do you think it would be too broad to include all ENM types? I personally practice Polyamory, but I know that ENM houses so much more under its umbrella. I'd feel awful not including people who could bring something to/benefit from the community just because they lead their life slightly different than me, but I also want to meet this specificity requirement. It will only be for people who live in my state, so that might make it specific enough already. I personally am leaning towards leaving it open to all ENM, but I just want to make sure their are no good arguments against that. Thoughts?
Additionally I will have to decide if I just want this to be a community where people can come together, or do I want this to include a space for dating as well? The dating may occur organically as people find the sever and participate, and I worry about the responsibility that adding an ingrained dating aspect would bring to moderating the server. On the other hand, having a place that is dedicated for dating in my state might help people more easily find partners. This one I am sorely stuck in the middle on, so advice would help.
Channels
A good server has meaningful channels that are organized in an easy to use format, and can be compared to what the sub forums act as on here. Some that I already have in mind include:
Information
#rules
#announcements
#resources
General
#introductions
#lobby
#off topic
#voice chat
This is as far as I have come at this point. I am trying to balance the amount of channels with how much I will be able to keep track of on my own until the community grows enough to start bringing on moderators.
Some other channel ideas included area specific channels (i.e. North, South, etc.), a meetup/events channel, NSFW channel, kink channel, age specific channel, a venting channel, and an advice channel.
Some of these seem like they may overlap, or that they can be identifiers/titles instead, and I'm just not sure how deep into the weeds to go with this. Are there other channels that might make sense? Are any of the above channels not worth the separate space?
Specifically for rules, I know to include basic civility/inclusivity rules, but I'm not sure about how specific to get with them.
Also, a few severs will require a vetting process to join, and I am leaning towards doing something similar, but I also don't want to deter people from joining. Some use a simple vetting process of just agreeing to the rules, but other servers get very intense, and some even require photo id.
This also brings up the idea of an age restriction for the forum, especially if it goes in the way of having a dating aspect, or a kink and/or NSFW channel. I would have loved to learn about this when I was younger, but I'm not sure how much I want the server to be responsible for guarding those under a legal adult age from things that they should not be exposed to so early on.
As for #resources, I very much plan on doing my own deep dive into this forum and other sources, but I also would not complain if anyone had resource(s) they think would be essential to include, or master lists of resources that they use. Completely unnecessary, I don't mind rooting around on my own, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to include.
Roles
You can have roles for different members on a sever that include just regular members, moderators and/or staff, and bots. Bots are non-human entities that automate certain parts of the server so those would just be ones that I bring in based on need.
Members can have titles and such in a server, and as I mentioned above, some of the channels can be used as titles instead to identify members belonging to a specific group. Putting members into specific groups might help, but it can also cause tension if, so I am unsure of it's a path I want to take at first.
Moderators is the biggest thing I am concerned about. I don't mind putting a ton of work into creating something that I want to exist, but I have concerns with maintaining something that could have the potential to grow very large. Having help, and maybe eventually even having a succession plan in place, would make me feel much better, but I have no idea how to choose people for those roles. I mean would I focus in on how impartial they can be, how involved they are, how trustworthy they are? I imagine it's like hiring someone for a position, but any insight would help.
If you have any input on the information/questions above, or any other comments or suggestions I would appreciate it. I personally have found this site to be a great reliable source of information and differing opinions so feedback and suggestions are welcomed!
Also, obviously, if I put this in the wrong place, or this is not appropriate, let me know!
-Moon
Recently on TikTok a creator posted a video to help polyam people find each other through the comments. They posted each state and told people to comment below their state to help us find each other. My state was surprisingly popular, but nothing seemed to come of it past the commenting. A few of us pointed out we probably could start a Discord server/kik for us to communicate better and, with no one else stepping forward, I decided to take the lead.
Before I create this server though I figured I would get some insight from people who are on this site since a lot of you seem super knowledgeable! I am not a wing it kind of person, and I often put in a lot of research into these sort of things.
I have never made a Discord server before, so these questions are based primarily on servers I have been a member of, as well as some articles I've read on how to make a good server. These are less technical questions, and more about the community that you have built here and how it has lasted for so many years!
Specific Topic
A good server has a specific topic and is not to general. I want to be inclusive of the different lifestyles people lead, but do you think it would be too broad to include all ENM types? I personally practice Polyamory, but I know that ENM houses so much more under its umbrella. I'd feel awful not including people who could bring something to/benefit from the community just because they lead their life slightly different than me, but I also want to meet this specificity requirement. It will only be for people who live in my state, so that might make it specific enough already. I personally am leaning towards leaving it open to all ENM, but I just want to make sure their are no good arguments against that. Thoughts?
Additionally I will have to decide if I just want this to be a community where people can come together, or do I want this to include a space for dating as well? The dating may occur organically as people find the sever and participate, and I worry about the responsibility that adding an ingrained dating aspect would bring to moderating the server. On the other hand, having a place that is dedicated for dating in my state might help people more easily find partners. This one I am sorely stuck in the middle on, so advice would help.
Channels
A good server has meaningful channels that are organized in an easy to use format, and can be compared to what the sub forums act as on here. Some that I already have in mind include:
Information
#rules
#announcements
#resources
General
#introductions
#lobby
#off topic
#voice chat
This is as far as I have come at this point. I am trying to balance the amount of channels with how much I will be able to keep track of on my own until the community grows enough to start bringing on moderators.
Some other channel ideas included area specific channels (i.e. North, South, etc.), a meetup/events channel, NSFW channel, kink channel, age specific channel, a venting channel, and an advice channel.
Some of these seem like they may overlap, or that they can be identifiers/titles instead, and I'm just not sure how deep into the weeds to go with this. Are there other channels that might make sense? Are any of the above channels not worth the separate space?
Specifically for rules, I know to include basic civility/inclusivity rules, but I'm not sure about how specific to get with them.
Also, a few severs will require a vetting process to join, and I am leaning towards doing something similar, but I also don't want to deter people from joining. Some use a simple vetting process of just agreeing to the rules, but other servers get very intense, and some even require photo id.
This also brings up the idea of an age restriction for the forum, especially if it goes in the way of having a dating aspect, or a kink and/or NSFW channel. I would have loved to learn about this when I was younger, but I'm not sure how much I want the server to be responsible for guarding those under a legal adult age from things that they should not be exposed to so early on.
As for #resources, I very much plan on doing my own deep dive into this forum and other sources, but I also would not complain if anyone had resource(s) they think would be essential to include, or master lists of resources that they use. Completely unnecessary, I don't mind rooting around on my own, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to include.
Roles
You can have roles for different members on a sever that include just regular members, moderators and/or staff, and bots. Bots are non-human entities that automate certain parts of the server so those would just be ones that I bring in based on need.
Members can have titles and such in a server, and as I mentioned above, some of the channels can be used as titles instead to identify members belonging to a specific group. Putting members into specific groups might help, but it can also cause tension if, so I am unsure of it's a path I want to take at first.
Moderators is the biggest thing I am concerned about. I don't mind putting a ton of work into creating something that I want to exist, but I have concerns with maintaining something that could have the potential to grow very large. Having help, and maybe eventually even having a succession plan in place, would make me feel much better, but I have no idea how to choose people for those roles. I mean would I focus in on how impartial they can be, how involved they are, how trustworthy they are? I imagine it's like hiring someone for a position, but any insight would help.
If you have any input on the information/questions above, or any other comments or suggestions I would appreciate it. I personally have found this site to be a great reliable source of information and differing opinions so feedback and suggestions are welcomed!
Also, obviously, if I put this in the wrong place, or this is not appropriate, let me know!
-Moon