SN, has your husband read the book, or at least understands the concepts, and knows his and your love languages? This was one of the books on the recommended reading list of our couples therapist. Very illuminating for me.
I think the idea of spending time and being in close proximity to one another could be interpreted differently. When you decided not to go to these events, did he even notice or care? My guess is not.
Re-evaluate, maybe. Something has changed in the past few weeks.
Also, ever since that weekend, my daughter has had my wife in her crosshairs. Her instincts and the stories she was told don't add up. I've seen my daughter going through my wife's phonem claiming she needed a phone number. That sparked a fire. She is relentless when she is on a hunt, and if she finds any information to support her theory, she's not going to stop.
Yes, my wife loves to ski. To be fair, she's gone on many family ski trips, 2-3 a year, and maybe more, with the ski club as chaperone. It may be escapism. A lust-filled trip away from husband and family, completely bullshit free. I get it. But at what cost?
I'm sure a lot of people would love to do these types of things, but don't, because of the cost, or damage it could cause.
To me, her trip was disappointing from a family perspective. Could I have done the same thing? Most likely not. In my opinion, she is looking at this from her very narrow perspective.
Years ago, I participated in sailboat racing, and every yr there was the granddaddy of races, and it fell on my daughter's birthday. The first few years, we celebrated her birthday either the week before or the week after, before she knew the calendar. Then I got to thinking, what I'm I saying to my daughter is, sailing a boat is more important than her birthday... no way. I stopped doing that race, just not worth it to me. It was selfish.
This summer, I think I'll try backing out of a long weekend at the summer house. I can't wait to hear why that won't work. She won't be able to prep the boat, carry the gear, inflate the tubes etc., etc. The list of duties is quite long. Even if she could do some of the things needed, she wouldn't want to. Aside from the physical stuff, she'll want it to be a family event. "It just won't be the same if you're not there." I've actually heard this before.
I think its simple... romantic-love outsourcing. I think moving to a more secondary role, and me looking to outsource that aspect of my life, myself, might help put some balance back.
LR, I've often wondered if things were done, or are being done, to try to force me into a divorce situation, to make the other person quit. A friend of mind said his ex had admitted to this years after their divorce. She didn't want to be the one to file first, to be the bad guy. So, instead, she wanted to make life a living hell, to force him to be the bad guy. Fucked up, I know. Makes ya think, though.
The new saying should be: "Actions speak louder than words, unless NRE is involved, then it's anyone's fucking guess."
