Derbylicious
New member
I think maybe coming to visit your friends might be a reason to go there 
Ari's Blog - Beginning
- Thread starter Ariakas
- Start date
I think maybe coming to visit your friends might be a reason to go there
.. didn't mean to imply otherwise inlovewith2
New member
In appreciation
Ari,
I'm not nearly as active on this board as I'd like to be (I think of all kinds of things I want to post about, but never seem to find the time with 3 kids, a husband and a boyfriend), but anyway, I have been wanting to read blogs of the people who have been so kind to DW and I, and I started with yours and just finished it.
I think that you are amazing and know that all of the intra-personal work you are doing will pay off! There was something specific I wanted to comment on, but I need to get to bed and DW just got home from ML's house, so more later!
Ari,
I'm not nearly as active on this board as I'd like to be (I think of all kinds of things I want to post about, but never seem to find the time with 3 kids, a husband and a boyfriend), but anyway, I have been wanting to read blogs of the people who have been so kind to DW and I, and I started with yours and just finished it.
I think that you are amazing and know that all of the intra-personal work you are doing will pay off! There was something specific I wanted to comment on, but I need to get to bed and DW just got home from ML's house, so more later!
sage
New member
Just read in random chat that you're in a shitty space. ((big hugs)) Remember that you will still be grieving for the relationship with Sour Girl, and grief is a process. Like me, you have probably used alcohol in the past to take the edge off painful feelings.
If it's any help at all, I've come out of my AA gloom and I'm doing great now. Surrender, acceptance and gratitude seem to be the big three that got me through the hard times. I didn't have a relationship break-up, but I have got some other tough stuff going on.
This is where a Power Greater Than Yourself comes in and it really seems to help if you can personalise 'God', even though intellectually that seems ridiculous. I don't know how or why it works, but it does.
Are you going to meetings yet? Do you have a sponsor? It might be a bit hard, with your work and moving etc., but those are the things that have really kept me away from the booze.
I was in a polyamory meet-up for 2 hours in a pub yesterday. I had a Virgin Mary and bought a jug of lime and soda. It was a piece of cake, except that I didn't sleep well. I think there is something in protecting oneself from heavy psychic energy.
When you have used alcohol to glide through life, dealing with life without it is really hard. There are places that we just don't want to go. From doing at least 2 meetings a week for the last four months I've also realised what a special breed we alcoholics are. We seem to feel things more deeply and be more vulnerable to the slings and arrows of life. I think that's why the programme works, used properly it provides an alternative to the peace of alcohol. But you can't do the programme half-heartedly. You need to do it properly. Go to a meeting, buy yourself a silly old Big Book and see if you can find someone to sponsor you temporarily. AAs want to help, but you have to ask, and that in itself feels sucky. It was a big lesson for me in humility, especially as the first guy I asked turned me down because he was sponsoring six other people.
If you really can't find anyone to work with around you (even temporarily until you move), maybe we could Skype until you get settled and can find a proper sponsor?
Thinking of you.
If it's any help at all, I've come out of my AA gloom and I'm doing great now. Surrender, acceptance and gratitude seem to be the big three that got me through the hard times. I didn't have a relationship break-up, but I have got some other tough stuff going on.
This is where a Power Greater Than Yourself comes in and it really seems to help if you can personalise 'God', even though intellectually that seems ridiculous. I don't know how or why it works, but it does.
Are you going to meetings yet? Do you have a sponsor? It might be a bit hard, with your work and moving etc., but those are the things that have really kept me away from the booze.
I was in a polyamory meet-up for 2 hours in a pub yesterday. I had a Virgin Mary and bought a jug of lime and soda. It was a piece of cake, except that I didn't sleep well. I think there is something in protecting oneself from heavy psychic energy.
When you have used alcohol to glide through life, dealing with life without it is really hard. There are places that we just don't want to go. From doing at least 2 meetings a week for the last four months I've also realised what a special breed we alcoholics are. We seem to feel things more deeply and be more vulnerable to the slings and arrows of life. I think that's why the programme works, used properly it provides an alternative to the peace of alcohol. But you can't do the programme half-heartedly. You need to do it properly. Go to a meeting, buy yourself a silly old Big Book and see if you can find someone to sponsor you temporarily. AAs want to help, but you have to ask, and that in itself feels sucky. It was a big lesson for me in humility, especially as the first guy I asked turned me down because he was sponsoring six other people.
If you really can't find anyone to work with around you (even temporarily until you move), maybe we could Skype until you get settled and can find a proper sponsor?
Thinking of you.
So its been a while since I have updated this thing. With anything substantial. Its been an interesting bunch of weeks since the breakup. This update, has nothing to do with poly though..
I am still an alcoholic.... well into recovery (ya right), coming up on 5 months (I miscounted last time).. I don't seem to get cravings very often, but I have had some bad days recently. Even thats a half lie. I would have killed swinging bonobos for a cold beer yesterday and the day before. A post workout beer, on a gorgeous day.. is most definitely something I am missing.. hmmmm beer...
This past few weeks I have done something I haven't had a chance to do in.. 3 to 4 years. Time alone. I used to be a private person craving time alone and taking it. Even as a social butterfly, I had my evenings alone and or weekends sometimes. This past 3.5 years or so has made that extinct (roommate, socializing, wife no longer working were the big impacts). This past 3 weeks has given me time, well away from people I know, to keep to myself. This really let me have time in my own head (good and bad). Introspection - a catch word I used to use a lot. Independence - another one.. both were things I used to recommend to other people in times of need. However when both started to go away.. I simply accepted them leaving. I slowly over a long period lost both.. once I started to get that time back, I immediately recognized I had been missing it. I had created my own world surrounded by people, work and things.. forgetting something that had been deeply important to me since the age of 22.
Lately I have been focusing on maintaining both my independence and time for myself.. Time for introspection.. this results in a lot of "what do I want" self conversations about everything.. ideals/dreams/goals.. what do I want?.. onwards - I am also focusing on my amazing wife.. rebuilding and building friendships again (something lost with the typical migration patterns of a resort town) and work.. I have a lot going on.. a nice busy life with some great weather (crosses fingers) and some fun trips (business and pleasure) planned ahead. Lots going on.. next weekend - trip to van/vic
Currently, I am considering shaving.. completely.. beard gone.. I am a wild man.. haha..
I am still an alcoholic..
.. well into recovery (ya right), coming up on 5 months (I miscounted last time).. I don't seem to get cravings very often, but I have had some bad days recently. Even thats a half lie. I would have killed swinging bonobos for a cold beer yesterday and the day before. A post workout beer, on a gorgeous day.. is most definitely something I am missing.. hmmmm beer...This past few weeks I have done something I haven't had a chance to do in.. 3 to 4 years. Time alone. I used to be a private person craving time alone and taking it. Even as a social butterfly, I had my evenings alone and or weekends sometimes. This past 3.5 years or so has made that extinct (roommate, socializing, wife no longer working were the big impacts). This past 3 weeks has given me time, well away from people I know, to keep to myself. This really let me have time in my own head (good and bad). Introspection - a catch word I used to use a lot. Independence - another one.. both were things I used to recommend to other people in times of need. However when both started to go away.. I simply accepted them leaving. I slowly over a long period lost both.. once I started to get that time back, I immediately recognized I had been missing it. I had created my own world surrounded by people, work and things.. forgetting something that had been deeply important to me since the age of 22.
Lately I have been focusing on maintaining both my independence and time for myself.. Time for introspection.. this results in a lot of "what do I want" self conversations about everything.. ideals/dreams/goals.. what do I want?.. onwards - I am also focusing on my amazing wife.. rebuilding and building friendships again (something lost with the typical migration patterns of a resort town
) and work.. I have a lot going on.. a nice busy life with some great weather (crosses fingers) and some fun trips (business and pleasure) planned ahead. Lots going on.. next weekend - trip to van/vic Currently, I am considering shaving.. completely.. beard gone.. I am a wild man.. haha..
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Morningglory629
New member
Wow! Shaving the beard- Ch-ch-ch-changes! Way to start anew!!! Do it!
TruckerPete
New member
I don't know ... I kinda like the beard. But it IS your face, I suppose ...
I have definitely run into that.. haha
ray
New member
I made out with a guy with a beard once.... I'm not sure it's my thing but I have yet to decide. I did a lot of things post-break up that were changes. It felt good to redefine/reshape/redecorate some stuff in my life. I still need to get that post-break up hair cut lol. I don't have facial hair to remove....so ya know... I have to be creative. I hope that lots of new good things make their way in your direction.
I hope that lots of new good things make their way in your direction.I made out with a guy with a beard once.... I'm not sure it's my thing but I have yet to decide. I did a lot of things post-break up that were changes. It felt good to redefine/reshape/redecorate some stuff in my life. I still need to get that post-break up hair cut lol. I don't have facial hair to remove....so ya know... I have to be creative.
You have a few years to figure it out..
.. I have trimmed it tight, and cleaned it up. Still debating the clean shave. I end up looking about 10 years younger.
thanks for the well wishes Ray. I hope so too.
Derbylicious
New member
A beard is like hair, it'll grow back. Why not just take the plunge?
nycindie
Active member
In fact, a beard IS hair. <giggle>
LovingRadiance
Active member
lol, you all are so funny and fun sometimes.
Maca and GG both have goaties. For that matter, so does my brother... Hmmm.
Anyway, I like that look.
I'm not into the furry look, reminds me too much of my dad and that is NOT who I want to think of in the bedroom!
Maca and GG both have goaties. For that matter, so does my brother... Hmmm.
Anyway, I like that look.
I'm not into the furry look, reminds me too much of my dad and that is NOT who I want to think of in the bedroom!
nycindie
Active member
In the winter, Dreamy looks like Grizzly Adams almost. In fact, I thought about calling him Woolly, before I settled on Dreamy. But he shaves it off each April and looks totally different. I like both looks, but I'm partial to the beard, especially when he says he wants to glaze it!
lol, you all are so funny and fun sometimes.
Maca and GG both have goaties. For that matter, so does my brother... Hmmm.
Anyway, I like that look.
I'm not into the furry look, reminds me too much of my dad and that is NOT who I want to think of in the bedroom!
hmmm haven't done a goatie in years..
I can't let it get to grown out. Becomes really annoying. I end up trimming down quite a bit. I usually keep it slightly longer than 5 oclock shadow...