Ari's Blog - Beginning
- Thread starter Ariakas
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TruckerPete
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Morningglory629
New member
Yea ARI!!!!!
Keep going sistah! The operative word is "some."
Don't kid yourself into thinking it is a controlled substance. If it is a habit or a crutch it just isn't something that should be dabbled-in. Know what I mean? Is it an occupational hazard for you- lots of social pressure? Are you feeling spiritually connected? Sorry for the hijack Ariakas!
Keep going sistah! The operative word is "some."
Don't kid yourself into thinking it is a controlled substance. If it is a habit or a crutch it just isn't something that should be dabbled-in. Know what I mean? Is it an occupational hazard for you- lots of social pressure? Are you feeling spiritually connected? Sorry for the hijack Ariakas!
I am working the steps through the novalco system. Its an 18 week intensive of running through the steps. Its a lot of homework, but at the same time easier. Step 4 when I did it the first time was a serious kick in the ass. Step 4 with novalco is easier, but the requirement to jump to step 5 is there.
I haven't been going to regular meetings, this novalco class is a lot of work, and.. I don't seem to crave at all, even when things are shit.
I don't have a sponsor, but I might use a priest. I dont have a problem voicing my faults. I know what they are, and accept them. I try to fix what I can but I am human.
sage
New member
Hmm I googled Novalco and it just comes up with essays on anger management. I don't seem to be angry. I have all this sadness that keeps coming up which doesn't really seem to link to anything much. It's happened before when I've given up alcohol and so I suppose I've self-medicated myself with it. I have never been out of control with alcohol as such (maybe a bit much at the occasional party), but I seem to need some most days to keep myself smoothed out. And yes I've had therapy. Maybe I really need to get to the bottom of it once and for all, I'm tired of it always being there under the surface of pretty much everything. I would like to live from a source of peace.
Novalco 12 step is a "study guide" for the 12 steps. Nothing to do with anger...
unless thats a"fault"
http://books.google.ca/books?id=BPQ...&resnum=2&ved=0CBwQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q&f=false
For the record I am not an out of control drinker. I am very in control. I drink daily and not necessarily a lot. I am a maintenance drinker instead of a binge drinker. Step 4 was a huge help at allowing me to see my problems. The core problems that brought me to drinking. Not just things people didn't like.
There are lots of tests out there that let you know if you are an alcoholic. But there is a pretty simple one.. "can you stop on your own".. I couldn't. I tried, a lot. But I couldn't do it. I wasn't a raging drunk and no one beyond those who know me best, would think I was an alcoholic.
Figure out the whys, of why your are sad, and you will begin to identify the aspects of your problems that produce triggers.... Pretty simple stuff, the steps, and AA just give you a structure and a group of people with similar problems.
unless thats a"fault"
http://books.google.ca/books?id=BPQ...&resnum=2&ved=0CBwQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q&f=false
For the record I am not an out of control drinker. I am very in control. I drink daily and not necessarily a lot. I am a maintenance drinker instead of a binge drinker. Step 4 was a huge help at allowing me to see my problems. The core problems that brought me to drinking. Not just things people didn't like.
There are lots of tests out there that let you know if you are an alcoholic. But there is a pretty simple one.. "can you stop on your own".. I couldn't. I tried, a lot. But I couldn't do it. I wasn't a raging drunk and no one beyond those who know me best, would think I was an alcoholic.
Figure out the whys, of why your are sad, and you will begin to identify the aspects of your problems that produce triggers.
... Pretty simple stuff, the steps, and AA just give you a structure and a group of people with similar problems.
sage
New member
Well it seems we are similar in that we couldn't stop (although we have) but we weren't out of control. In a way that's a problem for me. I go to these AA meetings and I don't relate very well to these people who have had very out of control lives as a result of alcohol. In a way it makes me feel different from them. A lot of the readings don't seem to apply very well to anyone who hasn't had their life fall apart as a result of alcohol.
Thanks for the link I'll check it out.
Thanks for the link I'll check it out.
Its difficult. To read stories about people whose lives have been destroyed, turned upside down and then shat on... however your own is not as extreme. I end up looking at it like its a "could be" situation. I have always been on a teetering point. How long until I go overboard... how long till it truly affects my life in very dark ways.
I look at it like this. I was always on the edge. Teetering between good life and drinking my way into a bottom. I was lucky enough that someone I loved showed me what bottom would look like before I got there. So I stopped...
Not everyone is so lucky. One more wrong turn, one more bad night.. and who knows what could happen. I have to look at all those peoples whose lives were destroyed and realize I was heading there..
Also for me, I was a high functioning alcoholic. But .. I still had problems that revolved around booze.
a -I had no coping skills and holy fuck did it suck the wind out of my relationships. I am still recovering from this trying to learn how to cope with challenges I could normally drink away
b -I am lucky I am as good at my job as I am. Not bragging but I am DAMN good. But being a drunk guy really interfered with my ability to be that good. Tired, groggy, brain fog, i was barely functioning up to snuff.
c -no savings, lots of debts an amount of income went to drinking which cost a lot
So while my life wasn't in the gutter, a couple of more slips and I might have been there.
There is mention of our type of drinking. I forget the phrasing but the medium range people. I have always been a bit adversarial and their "requirement" of hitting bottom to be a successful alcoholic creates a challenge for me. I want to prove as a medium alcoholic that I won't drink again.
That kind of perspective might help you
Interesting day ahead. My friends from seattle and vancouver are coming up to whistler to celebrate the telus ski festival. These are two guys I tend to do a lot of drinking with. Its going to be interesting to see how they both handle my lack of drinking...
And of course my refusal to go to "our" bar haha..
And of course my refusal to go to "our" bar haha..
Morningglory629
New member
MonoVCPHG
New member
IndieSolo
Active member
I don't really think it's that hitting bottom makes one a successful alcoholic -- it's just that hitting bottom is usually what makes people finally do something about it. We see the writing on the wall so many times and ignore it, what is it that shakes us up to stop doing things that destroy ourselves? Remember, everyone has a different version of what "hitting bottom" is. Have you forgotten how shitty it felt to lose Sourgirl? I think that was a sort of bottom for you - it did play a part in waking you up, didn't it? And made you look in the mirror. That's what bottom can be. It doesn't have to mean passed out on the sidewalk.
So, I am sorry I missed this. I meant to respond but viewed it on my phone on the bus one day and forgot to come back to it.
You are 100% right. I had seen many signs and in many ways ignored them. I was actually trying but its hard to be motivated at times, especially in this party town where a lot of my friendships were very... very social. (not to mention I worked for 2 bars doing contract work, where beer was the water I needed to sustain a night of computer work) But thats really an excuse. To the reality of your post.
Sourgirl created a bottom for me. The process of "losing" her shook me to my core. I still think back to that time and it really kicked my ass in gear. She held up the mirror, showed me what I was and then showed me what bottom would look like.
Its unfortunate so many people really do need to hit bottom and hard. I count myself lucky... One of the loves of my life kicked my ass, showed me the truth and then helped me get better... I can't imagine the stress of such a big thing on such a young relationship... she's thoroughly rocked my world
I love you sourgirl...xoxoxox
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IndieSolo
Active member
Ari, you've almost got it.
In reality, you created your bottom, not she. You put yourself in whatever situation/shape you were in, and Sourgirl responded with what she needed to do to take care of herself. She gave you a wake-up call, certainly, and was supportive in telling you the truth of why she had to walk away at that time. But don't forget (and I know you don't) your responsibility for drinking and creating whatever mess there was (obviously, I'm not privy to details, so I'm calling it a mess because I don't know what else to call it) -- that was your bottom at the time -- and you made a choice to turn it around, so now you are responsible for your sobriety, well-being, how you shape your life, etc. Basically, it's all on you - your journey to bottom and your journey out.
I only point that out because to say, as you did, that Sourgirl created a bottom for you is a slippery slope. In a weak moment, it could be a way to trick yourself out of accepting responsibility for your life. She held up a mirror, yes, and showed you the choices you had in front of you, but you recognized the cost, made a choice, and it's important to acknowledge both sides of that coin. Know what I mean?
In reality, you created your bottom, not she. You put yourself in whatever situation/shape you were in, and Sourgirl responded with what she needed to do to take care of herself. She gave you a wake-up call, certainly, and was supportive in telling you the truth of why she had to walk away at that time. But don't forget (and I know you don't) your responsibility for drinking and creating whatever mess there was (obviously, I'm not privy to details, so I'm calling it a mess because I don't know what else to call it) -- that was your bottom at the time -- and you made a choice to turn it around, so now you are responsible for your sobriety, well-being, how you shape your life, etc. Basically, it's all on you - your journey to bottom and your journey out.
I only point that out because to say, as you did, that Sourgirl created a bottom for you is a slippery slope. In a weak moment, it could be a way to trick yourself out of accepting responsibility for your life. She held up a mirror, yes, and showed you the choices you had in front of you, but you recognized the cost, made a choice, and it's important to acknowledge both sides of that coin. Know what I mean?
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Gotta admit I like your style.
It was a.. mess would be one word. While not as bad as others in perspective, it was shit. Sourgirl can give you a better idea of "ariakas" when I am drinking. The mess had a lot to do with the perpetual depression of drinking then anything else.
So a mess.. applies.
Agreed
I do know what you mean, and I recognize what you are saying. There is a lot of truth to it. If I did it for someone else in any way shape or form, I may well fall back into it. It has to be my responsibility.. so thank you, you are correct.
I do take responsibility for both the drinking, and the recovery. Sourgirl held up a mirror in order to see it. My bottom became apparent pretty quickly when she did that.
Thanks, its always good to see this from another perspective.
opalescent
Active member
She held up the mirror but you didn't have to look - lots of people don't. Take responsibility but give yourself credit for looking.
