Yes, this is interesting to me. Remember how I mentioned that I thought my bf would be a good dominant, and that my husband didn't seem to be into it? well the opposite has turned out to be true. Husband gets excited by the idea that I might be or have been with the other guy, and tries to leave marks on me so that they can be seen. I don't bruise very easily, so it's fun trying to get them. BF will do things that I ask him to, but he has said he has no personal interest in being dominant.
BDSM discussion
- Thread starter LovingRadiance
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I also like wearing bruises my gf gives me when I am with D, or vice versa. Neither one seems to do it on purpose though, shit just happens. 
However, I haven't seen D since early Feb. sigh... At least he did IM me last week, and he's only avoiding me because his workload is inhuman. He's job hunting because he just can't stand the workload. It was sweet to hear from him and know he's thinking about me, at least.
However, I haven't seen D since early Feb. sigh... At least he did IM me last week, and he's only avoiding me because his workload is inhuman. He's job hunting because he just can't stand the workload. It was sweet to hear from him and know he's thinking about me, at least.
BlackUnicorn
New member
I can totally relate to BDSM weirdness, Mags.
What's the first impulse you get when you see someone who is getting the living shit kicked out of them, crying and screaming? You want to help them, of course. But no, you shouldn't, because they are actually having a mighty good time; (I find drinking tea and minding my own business helps.)
I would dearly like this person I'm seeing to find a really nice Domme (don't know why I'd prefer a woman) for some long-distance fun, who wouldn't get into weird power struggles with me. But it's their life, so who am I to interfere? But I know some real shithead would just make my life miserable too, so I can't get that emotionally involved without knowing what I'm up against first.
What's the first impulse you get when you see someone who is getting the living shit kicked out of them, crying and screaming? You want to help them, of course. But no, you shouldn't, because they are actually having a mighty good time; (I find drinking tea and minding my own business helps.)
I would dearly like this person I'm seeing to find a really nice Domme (don't know why I'd prefer a woman) for some long-distance fun, who wouldn't get into weird power struggles with me. But it's their life, so who am I to interfere? But I know some real shithead would just make my life miserable too, so I can't get that emotionally involved without knowing what I'm up against first.
To touch myself. *devil*
A LDR, mostly online play? I don't get that. I prefer irl play!
But yeah, there are way too many dom-asses out there.
Hannahfluke
Member
Could someone point me to a good beginning Domme information source? Preferably either online or that I could get in an e-book format?
The last few times I've been with my other partner that I've been dating on and off for a year and a half, there's definitely been a desire on his part for me to be more dominant. I have no issue with that, necessarily, but I am a little lost. My husband and I have been vanilla our whole marriage, so any type of kink is fairly new to me. It started with this other relationship. I've read "Screw the roses, send me the thorns" and while it was a good overview of BDSM in general, I'd love to find something a little more geared towards the domme side of things.
Thanks!
The last few times I've been with my other partner that I've been dating on and off for a year and a half, there's definitely been a desire on his part for me to be more dominant. I have no issue with that, necessarily, but I am a little lost. My husband and I have been vanilla our whole marriage, so any type of kink is fairly new to me. It started with this other relationship. I've read "Screw the roses, send me the thorns" and while it was a good overview of BDSM in general, I'd love to find something a little more geared towards the domme side of things.
Thanks!
BlackUnicorn
New member
Hehee, I forgot to mention that this is Finland and if the train ride takes over 30 mins, it's officially long-distance! So more like a weekend IRL thing was what I had in mind.
I've followed some of the links on Franklin Veaux's BDSM page at http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdlinks.html
http://www.frugaldomme.com/ was a portal-like site that had some interesting bits and pieces, as well.
There are also plenty of books specifically written for (novice) dominant women.
IndieSolo
Active member
Maybe it just had to do with being at M's place, where you have no authority. You know you were in somewhat unfamiliar territory, and your gf was in a unfamiliar position there, which is different from how you relate to her. I could see that as simply being disorienting.
Yes, that's exactly it, Cindie. Plus, their apartment was such a wreck. I'm far from the world's best housekeeper, but I get antsy when I sit in the midst of such clutter and disorganization. It's a lovely 12th floor luxury apartment with an amazing view of the Boston skyline, and they just let things build up everywhere... ugh. Packaging, dishes, several piles of mail, bits of the dog's rope chew toy all over the carpet, shopping bags, foyer a mess of shoes and detritus. There was not one cleared surface in the place.
Derbylicious
New member
redpepper
Active member
No more than I break. It's glasses I break, actually. Maybe I could give someone a spanking every time *I* break a dish!You know they might just break all the dishes to get a spanking
MonoVCPHG
New member
MonoVCPHG
New member
Oh, my favourite!
foxflame88
New member
WOW... I can't believe this thread has been around over a year and I missed it! I just spent two hours reading through all 42 pages!
Lots of things stuck out to me (loved post #170) so I will address a few. Someone (I think it was RedPepper) mentioned the expense of toys. If you can think creatively, making low cost toys out of everyday items you may already have will save a lot. For instance, I recently saw a flogger made entirely of duct tape.
Someone else mentioned the fear/apprehension of "losing themselves" in submission. Honestly, that was a big concern for me, as well. It was a discussion my Dom and I visited and revisited over and over. A big help in ensuring this does not happen is adapting the contract details to the personality of the sub, so he/she can be themselves and still please their dominant. Cookie-cutter contracts just set a sub up for failure, and any good dominant wants their sub to succeed.
Another point I want to add my two cents to: someone mentioned that once a person submits, they no longer have any rights. I couldn't disagree more. Submission is a GIFT. A slave/sub has the right to revoke that gift at any time. We have the right to have our thoughts heard and addressed.
Lots of things stuck out to me (loved post #170) so I will address a few. Someone (I think it was RedPepper) mentioned the expense of toys. If you can think creatively, making low cost toys out of everyday items you may already have will save a lot. For instance, I recently saw a flogger made entirely of duct tape.
Someone else mentioned the fear/apprehension of "losing themselves" in submission. Honestly, that was a big concern for me, as well. It was a discussion my Dom and I visited and revisited over and over. A big help in ensuring this does not happen is adapting the contract details to the personality of the sub, so he/she can be themselves and still please their dominant. Cookie-cutter contracts just set a sub up for failure, and any good dominant wants their sub to succeed.
Another point I want to add my two cents to: someone mentioned that once a person submits, they no longer have any rights. I couldn't disagree more. Submission is a GIFT. A slave/sub has the right to revoke that gift at any time. We have the right to have our thoughts heard and addressed.
Erosa
New member
I agree! I identify as a dominant. To me, the submissive's right to retract their submission at any time is the most important rule of the whole arrangement. If I had a submissive who couldn't retract their submission, then I would feel like a worthless Domme. What kind of worthless, ugly wretch has to FORCE the love and submission of another? If I cannot woo and win the submission, then I don't deserve it. So I love your point here!
IndieSolo
Active member
Mono posted this on RP's thread and it got me wondering.
This comment just made me curious. Is it really a turn-on sexually to have people kiss your shoes? I mean, I could understand it as a playful, power-trip sort of fun game, but I know for sure I wouldn't feel any sort of arousal from someone kissing or licking my shoe. I would be too worried about whether it was clean or something like that.
Or is sexual arousal not what D/s is all about?
This comment just made me curious. Is it really a turn-on sexually to have people kiss your shoes? I mean, I could understand it as a playful, power-trip sort of fun game, but I know for sure I wouldn't feel any sort of arousal from someone kissing or licking my shoe. I would be too worried about whether it was clean or something like that.
Or is sexual arousal not what D/s is all about?
Its the control and the act of domination and the willingness of the sub. There is also, for some, the size difference. Might be kind of empowering to have a big strong man licking your boots if you are small, 5'4, for example.
IndieSolo
Active member
Ari, I can understand that aspect of it, the control thing. Knowing that Shorty could so easily overpower me was a turn-on when he did things like hold me down and shove me around on the bed. (He's even bigger than you are.) But if he'd started kissing my shoes it would have grossed me out! What I want to know is if the act of someone kissing your shoes actually, in that moment, makes a woman wet or a guy hard. I'm more interested in the arousal part of it.
I find it hard to believe, but maybe it's just because I am not turned on by that. I recently blindfolded my new beau and cuffed him to my headboard while I kissed, nibbled, and licked him all over, but I was turned on physically by his reaction/enjoyment, not the blindfold or cuffs. Does my question make sense?
Edit: Okay, NK, the way you put it makes sense. And of course I've heard of fetishes, but I wanted to know if it was more of a mental turn-on or an actual physical response. I was watching an episode of Strange Sex and there was a guy who has a balloon fetish and they said he actually orgasms at that moment when the big balloon he blows up pops. However, that's the only way the guy can cum, and we were feeling sorry for him because of that.
I find it hard to believe, but maybe it's just because I am not turned on by that. I recently blindfolded my new beau and cuffed him to my headboard while I kissed, nibbled, and licked him all over, but I was turned on physically by his reaction/enjoyment, not the blindfold or cuffs. Does my question make sense?
Edit: Okay, NK, the way you put it makes sense. And of course I've heard of fetishes, but I wanted to know if it was more of a mental turn-on or an actual physical response. I was watching an episode of Strange Sex and there was a guy who has a balloon fetish and they said he actually orgasms at that moment when the big balloon he blows up pops. However, that's the only way the guy can cum, and we were feeling sorry for him because of that.
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