Wow. 36 days of this walk into the odd and unusual.
Tess and I have been spending more time with M. My fears, jealousy, anger and uncertainty have all but vanished.
Last night was odd for me. I picked up M from work and brought him back to our house. (M doesn't drive.) He and Tess actually started acting like boyfriend and girlfriend for the first time. (Still platonic right now.) There was a subtle undertone of sexual playfulness. M actually cracked a joke at dinner about Tess masturbating, which went right over my head at the time. Tess clued me in later. Me slow.
I have personally spent hours with M getting to know him. He's been over numerous times for dinner with us, but last night was the first time the walls started to drop, M stopped working so hard to impress us, and we all just had fun. A big difference was that Tess and M didn't drink vast amounts of wine, and actually spent quality sober time together.
We went out for dinner, came back to our house for a drink, and then headed out to a birthday party at a bar for a mutual acquaintance, where they talked and acted like a couple. People weren't sure who was with whom when we first arrived, including me.
Now that the fear has mostly subsided, it is interesting to take the observer role, and watch this relationship develop. As I no longer feel threatened by him, I have little or no problem at all letting M and Tess focus on each other when we're together. We're still working out some of the oddities of this three-person party. We're getting there.
I like M. He's an odd duck, but a good guy. Our age difference shows at times, as do our vastly different personalities and social styles, but we seem to be forming our own friendship, which has helped Tess immeasurably. Comics, guns, martial arts and action figures. His helping me heal from my back injury also puts him in a good light, a very good light.
M has been and remains the avatar for Tess and me in our journey into polyamory. He is and has been a near perfect starter boyfriend for us both. I've had the chance to experience Tess forming a relationship with another man, but not have to deal with the sex issue right away. It may never happen for them, but it has allowed her to have a lot of fun and learn more about how to work with me.
I'm okay with this moving into a sexual relationship now, no longer afraid of losing her. (If she's leaving there's fuck-all I can do about it anyway, so I might as well stop panicking and start living my own life.)
I'm starting my own company, joining a gym, reconnecting with old friends and spending time out on my own again. I've cleaned up and cleared out most of the distractions I had created to keep me from seeing where my life was going before this began. I have spent $7000.00 on dental work that is still ongoing. Add in all that is polyamory, and there you have it, my first month as a mono in a poly world.
I still want to take time away from this, for me. I need time to recharge my spirit and just clear my head. It's been a fragging heavy month. I think I've earned it.
I still feel like an alien on Planet Crazy sometimes, but I'm trying. I'm really really trying.
Be well,
Freetime
Tess and I have been spending more time with M. My fears, jealousy, anger and uncertainty have all but vanished.
Last night was odd for me. I picked up M from work and brought him back to our house. (M doesn't drive.) He and Tess actually started acting like boyfriend and girlfriend for the first time. (Still platonic right now.) There was a subtle undertone of sexual playfulness. M actually cracked a joke at dinner about Tess masturbating, which went right over my head at the time. Tess clued me in later. Me slow.
I have personally spent hours with M getting to know him. He's been over numerous times for dinner with us, but last night was the first time the walls started to drop, M stopped working so hard to impress us, and we all just had fun. A big difference was that Tess and M didn't drink vast amounts of wine, and actually spent quality sober time together.
We went out for dinner, came back to our house for a drink, and then headed out to a birthday party at a bar for a mutual acquaintance, where they talked and acted like a couple. People weren't sure who was with whom when we first arrived, including me.
Now that the fear has mostly subsided, it is interesting to take the observer role, and watch this relationship develop. As I no longer feel threatened by him, I have little or no problem at all letting M and Tess focus on each other when we're together. We're still working out some of the oddities of this three-person party. We're getting there.
I like M. He's an odd duck, but a good guy. Our age difference shows at times, as do our vastly different personalities and social styles, but we seem to be forming our own friendship, which has helped Tess immeasurably. Comics, guns, martial arts and action figures. His helping me heal from my back injury also puts him in a good light, a very good light.
M has been and remains the avatar for Tess and me in our journey into polyamory. He is and has been a near perfect starter boyfriend for us both. I've had the chance to experience Tess forming a relationship with another man, but not have to deal with the sex issue right away. It may never happen for them, but it has allowed her to have a lot of fun and learn more about how to work with me.
I'm okay with this moving into a sexual relationship now, no longer afraid of losing her. (If she's leaving there's fuck-all I can do about it anyway, so I might as well stop panicking and start living my own life.)
I'm starting my own company, joining a gym, reconnecting with old friends and spending time out on my own again. I've cleaned up and cleared out most of the distractions I had created to keep me from seeing where my life was going before this began. I have spent $7000.00 on dental work that is still ongoing. Add in all that is polyamory, and there you have it, my first month as a mono in a poly world.
I still want to take time away from this, for me. I need time to recharge my spirit and just clear my head. It's been a fragging heavy month. I think I've earned it.
I still feel like an alien on Planet Crazy sometimes, but I'm trying. I'm really really trying.
Be well,
Freetime
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I am so happy for you! 
