Just LR
- Thread starter LovingRadiance
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LovingRadiance
Active member
Several cancelled flights (shitty weather in Kodiak), but I stuck it out at the airport and managed to catch the only plane that landed in Kodiak yesterday. The relief on Maca's face upon seeing me was palpable.
He's doing much better, in terms of being coherent and rational since he quit taking the medication on Saturday. But the anxiety, depression and distance has certainly taken a toll. He looks like hell. He hasn't been sleeping. The fridge is basically empty. There are things I need to take to the dumpster today. They are from when I was still here and are not good any more.
All night, in his sleep, he kept making noises and reaching out for me. When I would put my hand on his back or arm and just hold him for a second he would calm back into quiet sleep again. But that was all night long.
I find it so frustrating that it's SO OBVIOUS he isn't ok and needs to come home, and yet everyone we know keeps telling me "He's fine." Um, no, he's not fine! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that he's quite definitely NOT fine.
Anyway, we didn't talk about anything "important" last night. He needed to reconnect more than anything. I wanted to, but he clearly needed to.
I ended up with a POUNDING headache, and it was still going strong by morning. He's working today. I took medication for the headache. It's still there, but at least it's dulled down some.
I unpacked my small bag and put my stuff away.
He brought me a chai tea during his morning break. (One convenience of such a small place is even a 15 minute break is long enough to "go home" for a few minutes.) We are planning to go to lunch together. Later we will talk.
He's doing much better, in terms of being coherent and rational since he quit taking the medication on Saturday. But the anxiety, depression and distance has certainly taken a toll. He looks like hell. He hasn't been sleeping. The fridge is basically empty. There are things I need to take to the dumpster today. They are from when I was still here and are not good any more.
All night, in his sleep, he kept making noises and reaching out for me. When I would put my hand on his back or arm and just hold him for a second he would calm back into quiet sleep again. But that was all night long.
I find it so frustrating that it's SO OBVIOUS he isn't ok and needs to come home, and yet everyone we know keeps telling me "He's fine." Um, no, he's not fine! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that he's quite definitely NOT fine.
Anyway, we didn't talk about anything "important" last night. He needed to reconnect more than anything. I wanted to, but he clearly needed to.
I ended up with a POUNDING headache, and it was still going strong by morning. He's working today. I took medication for the headache. It's still there, but at least it's dulled down some.
I unpacked my small bag and put my stuff away.
He brought me a chai tea during his morning break. (One convenience of such a small place is even a 15 minute break is long enough to "go home" for a few minutes.) We are planning to go to lunch together. Later we will talk.
LovingRadiance
Active member
Sneacail, yes, he has. It seems obvious to me, but evidently not to everyone else.
I was concerned to hear that he had stopped taking his meds. Is he taking them again now?
It's a big deal that you flew out to be with him. Hopefully that will help him feel more reassured that you care about him and that he can depend on you to stand by his side.
It's a big deal that you flew out to be with him. Hopefully that will help him feel more reassured that you care about him and that he can depend on you to stand by his side.
LovingRadiance
Active member
He needed to stop taking the ones he stopped taking. He was having side effects including increased depression, anxiety & paranoia. He didn't stop taking his ADD meds, his blood pressure meds or his sleep meds. But he needed to stop taking the pain meds (he has a shoulder injury).
When he comes home he can go talk to the doctor about it and see if they can recommend something else. But he needed to stop taking them.
ANYWAY, he is doing better. We talked some today. He's taking a nap now. He's getting sick (go figure).
We didn't get into the boundaries yet. We covered the "what changed" topics and discussed "where are we going?" Essentially, nothing has changed in regards to where we are going, but he freaked that the things that have changed between GG and me may have changed my plans. They haven't.
So the conversation was reassuring for him, and some of his big "OMGm she must mean this..." thoughts were addressed and put to rest.
I took some advice from NYCindie's writing here and shared it with him, and explained how I think it could benefit us personally in regards to our relationship and our poly dynamics and boundaries. He was slightly defensive at first, but listened, and after thinking about it, he agreed that it actually makes a lot of sense. So we are in process of addressing things and talking through them. But he needed a nap. So he's resting and I'm taking a break.
When he comes home he can go talk to the doctor about it and see if they can recommend something else. But he needed to stop taking them.
ANYWAY, he is doing better. We talked some today. He's taking a nap now. He's getting sick (go figure).
We didn't get into the boundaries yet. We covered the "what changed" topics and discussed "where are we going?" Essentially, nothing has changed in regards to where we are going, but he freaked that the things that have changed between GG and me may have changed my plans. They haven't.
So the conversation was reassuring for him, and some of his big "OMGm she must mean this..." thoughts were addressed and put to rest.
I took some advice from NYCindie's writing here and shared it with him, and explained how I think it could benefit us personally in regards to our relationship and our poly dynamics and boundaries. He was slightly defensive at first, but listened, and after thinking about it, he agreed that it actually makes a lot of sense. So we are in process of addressing things and talking through them. But he needed a nap. So he's resting and I'm taking a break.
SNeacail
New member
He could probably call the doctor and let them know what's going on and have them send a new prescription to a local pharmacy there in Kodiak.
Good to hear
Yeah, he's going to have to work on his freak out moments and learn to ask questions instead of ASSUMING what ever his brain came up with as fact. It's a PIA process, but I know from experience (on both sides) it's SOOOOO worth the extra work. I certainly am better off without the anxiety of assuming the worst and glad to not be accused of BS that I didn't do.
Re (from LovingRadiance):
Ooh, okay that makes more sense. Kind of a rock and a hard place situation, and obviously a consult with the doctor needed.
Glad you guys are getting things talked out.
Ooh, okay that makes more sense. Kind of a rock and a hard place situation, and obviously a consult with the doctor needed.
Glad you guys are getting things talked out.
LovingRadiance
Active member
Yeah. He did call the doctor. They can't call in a new script. Have to see him. And no one here.
LovingRadiance
Active member
Today we got a chance to sit and talk about boundaries. We went through them and made a few MINOR changes. Nothing significant. It was a MUCH calmer rational conversation than was happening on the phone. I think we are both content with the final result.
LovingRadiance
Active member
Marriage Equality
Alaska just became a marriage equality state!
Soooo stoked!
Alaska just became a marriage equality state!
Soooo stoked!
LovingRadiance
Active member
He's coming home tomorrow for a couple weeks, then returning for a week to pack our stuff. Then home. Probably have to go back for a few weeks in January, and again in March or April. But basically he's home. The contractor is WAY behind schedule and there's no way for Maca to stay and work at this point (no building) and he isn't willing to do it through the spring (thank god).
He texted yesterday to tell me that conversations continue with the dramafest girl. (I don't remember if I gave her a name on here or not. I know I referred to her often as the 24 yo.) Anyway, I waited about a half an hour before I replied, to be sure I said exactly what I meant. Then I wrote him back that I am really not interested in regular updates about their contact. That the only times I care to hear anything are a) if HE feels a need to talk, b) if he intends to be something other than platonic friends or c) it has something to do with me.
I explained that I have nothing nice to say to her or about her. I don't "forgive & forget" in the absence of an apology. I know he isn't interested in discussing my opinions of her. I think OUR relationship is better served by NOT having her as a regular topic of discussion.
This comes following the weekend where we discussed the concept that there is a line where honesty and forthrightness cross over into TMI and NOYB. We agreed that in the past there has been too much information shared. We discussed limiting discussions of other lovers to points of mutual interest (i.e., the listener would actually enjoy hearing it), changes in status as identified on our boundaries, and issues that affect our partner (like a condom breaking).
At any rate, he seemed to take my response in stride. Hopefully that reduces some tension, because, to be blunt, I have no interest in having any social contact with her after the outrageous stunts she pulled before. I don't rightly give a damn what her excuse is.
GG... I don't even know what to say. So I won't.
Panther is probably going to be flying out soon to help with his sister. She came out of the coma, has been moved out of ICU, but has a lot of healing to do. Still it must be a relief that she made it, for him, their other sister and their mom.
He and I went over ground rules after I returned from Kodiak. We have more to talk about. But we see things pretty damn close to eye to eye. He's not interested in being tied down and is completely supportive of my relationship with and commitment to Maca (but I already knew that). He has no issues with the boundaries I have, or my time limits, or sharing my time with the kids and grandkids (I already knew that too). He stated some of his boundaries and they are compatible with mine.
So today I dropped the bomb and let my sister know. They have been on again/off again lovers over the years. They may continue to be. I don't care one way or another. She and I are not biological sisters. Actually, we all met the same year in school. But whatever. He doesn't feel he owes her an explanation, as they have never had any sort of commitment and aren't currently involved. But she is my sister, so I felt it only appropriate to let her know.
She is poly also, in a live-in V. She has dated exes of mine in the past, but I have never dated any of her exes. So it is a change. I let her know via email. Haven't heard back from her, but that isn't really unusual these days either. She has been primarily caught up in the drama of her frightening home life.
He texted yesterday to tell me that conversations continue with the dramafest girl. (I don't remember if I gave her a name on here or not. I know I referred to her often as the 24 yo.) Anyway, I waited about a half an hour before I replied, to be sure I said exactly what I meant. Then I wrote him back that I am really not interested in regular updates about their contact. That the only times I care to hear anything are a) if HE feels a need to talk, b) if he intends to be something other than platonic friends or c) it has something to do with me.
I explained that I have nothing nice to say to her or about her. I don't "forgive & forget" in the absence of an apology. I know he isn't interested in discussing my opinions of her. I think OUR relationship is better served by NOT having her as a regular topic of discussion.
This comes following the weekend where we discussed the concept that there is a line where honesty and forthrightness cross over into TMI and NOYB. We agreed that in the past there has been too much information shared. We discussed limiting discussions of other lovers to points of mutual interest (i.e., the listener would actually enjoy hearing it), changes in status as identified on our boundaries, and issues that affect our partner (like a condom breaking).
At any rate, he seemed to take my response in stride. Hopefully that reduces some tension, because, to be blunt, I have no interest in having any social contact with her after the outrageous stunts she pulled before. I don't rightly give a damn what her excuse is.
GG... I don't even know what to say. So I won't.
Panther is probably going to be flying out soon to help with his sister. She came out of the coma, has been moved out of ICU, but has a lot of healing to do. Still it must be a relief that she made it, for him, their other sister and their mom.
He and I went over ground rules after I returned from Kodiak. We have more to talk about. But we see things pretty damn close to eye to eye. He's not interested in being tied down and is completely supportive of my relationship with and commitment to Maca (but I already knew that). He has no issues with the boundaries I have, or my time limits, or sharing my time with the kids and grandkids (I already knew that too). He stated some of his boundaries and they are compatible with mine.
So today I dropped the bomb and let my sister know. They have been on again/off again lovers over the years. They may continue to be. I don't care one way or another. She and I are not biological sisters. Actually, we all met the same year in school. But whatever. He doesn't feel he owes her an explanation, as they have never had any sort of commitment and aren't currently involved. But she is my sister, so I felt it only appropriate to let her know.
She is poly also, in a live-in V. She has dated exes of mine in the past, but I have never dated any of her exes. So it is a change. I let her know via email. Haven't heard back from her, but that isn't really unusual these days either. She has been primarily caught up in the drama of her frightening home life.
LovingRadiance
Active member
All's well that ends well. Today Maca comes home.
I woke to a message from my sister that she has no issue with that change in situation between Panther and me.
Now for a shower, brush my teeth, clean out the car and head to town!
Going to pick out pumpkins today so we can do jack-o'-lanterns with the kids and grandkids.
I woke to a message from my sister that she has no issue with that change in situation between Panther and me.
Now for a shower, brush my teeth, clean out the car and head to town!
Going to pick out pumpkins today so we can do jack-o'-lanterns with the kids and grandkids.
LovingRadiance
Active member
Yes, things are calming down. I'm thankful.
The kids were thrilled to see Maca.
My sister came and spent the evening. We had a nice visit.
I talked earlier with Panther about speed bumps on the path. Nothing so significant as to warrant derailing the train, just details to work through.
Tomorrow I go in for STD testing. Monday he does. Maca is pretty damn adamant we test for herpes, even though we both know we have it. I find this utterly asinine, and frankly, if I were the doctor, I would give him a piece of my mind. But whatever. I'm not going to argue unless the doctor refuses, in which case, I will ask the doctor to write something for him.
GG is still hyper-focused on getting my attention. It's only making everything worse. I am now counting the days.
The kids were thrilled to see Maca.
My sister came and spent the evening. We had a nice visit.
I talked earlier with Panther about speed bumps on the path. Nothing so significant as to warrant derailing the train, just details to work through.
Tomorrow I go in for STD testing. Monday he does. Maca is pretty damn adamant we test for herpes, even though we both know we have it. I find this utterly asinine, and frankly, if I were the doctor, I would give him a piece of my mind. But whatever. I'm not going to argue unless the doctor refuses, in which case, I will ask the doctor to write something for him.
GG is still hyper-focused on getting my attention. It's only making everything worse. I am now counting the days.
I guess GG has convinced himself that getting your attention is the key to fixing things. Or maybe he thinks it will restore the happy times of the past. I don't know.
I'm baffled by Maca's insistence you get tested for something you already know you have. What does that even mean? Is it a punitive measure? some kind of slut-shaming?
I'm baffled by Maca's insistence you get tested for something you already know you have. What does that even mean? Is it a punitive measure? some kind of slut-shaming?
SNeacail
New member
Or is it a distrust of the testing facility's ability to follow directions? If the herpes test is done and comes back positive, then the results for the other tests are more believable. Kinda like when my mom went to have her oil changed and they gave a laundry list of stuff they checked, but the numbers they wrote down for tire pressure would mean all 4 tires were 15lbs low, although normal on most vehicles, she knew immediately they hadn't actually checked the tire pressure. They asked her what it "should" be, but she just said, go actually check the pressure and tell me what it IS.