Just LR

I saw this and, sadly, thought of your situation with Maca -- http://mental-health-advice.org/post/76910627824/what-are-the-signs-of-emotional-abuse

Also, as someone who's close to the parents of a toddler, I should think that ANY loving co-parent would be overjoyed if their fellow co-parent was able to take a short break for their mental health while leaving the kid(s) with someone they completely trust. Being pissed about you doing such a simple thing to take care of yourself seems like another really bad sign.
 
He woke me up at 5:30 this morning when he was leaving for work to ask if I was using condoms, then explained, "I went to your room last night and noticed the Vaginal Contraceptive Film." I was sound asleep. I answered the question, but I didn't elaborate.

I woke up at 8, pissed off. I don't leave anything out because I share a room with the grandkids when they are here. My VCF is in my backpack and ironically, last night before bed I was putting things away, I crumpled the receipt and threw it away, then took the empty bag and put it in the bag-of-bags. I left the yarn and flower on the bed (it's a xmas gift project) and put the VCF in my backpack, zipped the backpack closed and left it on my bed as well.

SO YEAH. I get up and go upstairs and the receipt, which obviously HAD BEEN crumpled, is laid out flat on the top of the trash in the garbage can. Further more it says "VCF." My backpack has been moved around, suggesting that it likely was opened and gone through as well.

Seriously? After everything else you think it's reasonable to dig through my shit?!?!?!??!

Don't get me wrong, there are no secrets, so there's nothing exciting to find. But that is SO NOT THE DAMN POINT! You tell me that you are done, want a divorce. You waffle back and forth for 4 fucking months. Then you tell me last night that you are "setting me free" blah blah blah. And sometime in the middle of the night you go through my shit.

I'm so offended.

I texted him that I wasn't impressed that he was digging through my stuff. He denied it. But really, I'm not stupid, and that was obvious. His response is, "I thought we were supposed to be giving each other the benefit of the doubt" (because I complained that he doesn't do that for me; he assumes my every action is an attempt to hurt him).

So I just shut the hell up. But that doesn't change how offended I am.

Giving you the benefit of the doubt does not mean standing here staring at what has obviously been moved around and pretending it didn't move. The receipt didn't uncrumple itself and lay itself flat over the rest of the trash. The backpack didn't open itself and move around.

And no one else was awake, nor would anyone else CARE about a receipt that said VCF, flower, tictacs and their respective prices.

ASININE!
 
Add disrespecting your personal items, going through your trash to spy on you, lying to you, insulting your intelligence by expecting you to believe obvious lies, and attempting to emotionally manipulate you ("I thought we were supposed to be giving each other the benefit of the doubt") to the list of Very Bad Signs. Imagine how he would react if you did anything similar. You deserve better. What would you say to a friend being treated like this?
 
My heart hurts for you, LR. :(
 
I got my class schedule for January. 11 credits. 1 credit shy of a "full time" load. Biology (3 credits), biology lab (1 credit), art appreciation (3 credit) and Calculus (4 credits). All required classes for my degree.

I will be in town from early morning until 8 pm 2 days a week. With my other obligations, it will mean being out of the house 5 days a week for school stuff (mine and kids). 4 of those days I won't be home til 8-9 pm.

I am slowly putting together the details for the move to California. I talked in depth again with my friend there today. We're working on the details of what I need to do to get my resume filled in with skills that will make it easier to get a functional job, what SweetPea needs for getting scholarships, etc., for college, knocking out the required classes he will need to have finished so that he's on track for the requirements in their school district when we get there. (He will do his senior year there.)

Little steps. Some seem almost ethereal or pointless, because they won't come into "use" until September 2016. But they are still steps forward, and planning ahead helps reduce how much needs to be done in the end.

Another day down.
 
Re (from Maca):
"I thought we were supposed to be giving each other the benefit of the doubt."
Click to expand...

Umm sure, as long as the doubt in question has any benefit that can be given. Why didn't Maca at least try to cover his tracks? It's like he wanted to get caught so he could flaunt his special immunity at you.

Yeah, sometimes you just have to get through one day at a time.
 
Oh man, asking if you're using condoms seems like a HUGE overstepping of his bounds.

Like, if you aren't having sex, he doesn't need to know what you're doing in that department. It doesn't impact him anymore.
 
Granddaughter was born yesterday at 3:44pm. :) She's 5 weeks early (as planned) and came by C-section. Mommy and baby are both doing well. Baby was almost 6 lbs. So they aren't keeping her in the ICU as they expected they would need to. Which is AWESOME!

She's already quite happy with breastfeeding and made it known that she is disinterested in the bottle (go baby) when the hospital tried to go the bottle route. She's doing REALLY well breastfeeding, which will make life much easier for Mommy.

The grandsons went with Grammy today to meet their sister. Both were thrilled. They gave her lots of kisses. :) It was a good day for the kids.

Grammy is exhausted, and if there was any doubt that I am NOT interested in full time caretaking of toddlers, it's gone (there was never a doubt). My life is SO NOT set up for it any more. It's too stressful. Too much noise. Too much of too much!

But I'm glad the new baby is doing well. It looks like Mommy and baby will be going home Saturday. The boys will be staying with Grammy at least the rest of the week. But hopefully they will be able to go home before the 28th (which is when they have to go home, because I am LEAVING for two weeks on the 29th).

Everything else, I don't know. I ignored the rest of life the last couple days.
 
Yay, yay, yay! So glad new baby is doing well (and mom too)!

As for ignoring the rest, that certainly isn't a bad thing. The focus has shifted to where it belongs for now. Here's hoping you get back to a lower decibel and craziness level in the next few days. :)
 
LovingRadiance said:
Everything else-I don't know. I ignored the rest of life the last couple days.
Click to expand...

Hello! Toddlers in the house - Of course everything else got ignored :). One toddler, not so bad. Multiple toddlers, I sympathize.

Congrats on healthy granddaughter and that momma is okay.
 
Hi LR. Glad to hear baby arrived, tho quite early, large for dates and is breastfeeding well. One less thing to worry about.

I thought Maca went back to Kodiak. It's hard to keep track. He's living with you and has access to your bedroom and your things? Yuck. I hate that feeling of being spied upon by an ex. I know it well.

I hope you manage to have a happy Xmas with your teenager and the toddler grandkids. Are you going to CA on the 29th?
 
He doesn't return to Kodiak until mid January. We are flying to Arizona for two weeks on the 29th. The tickets, etc. were bought before all the drama. I need the sunlight. I can't afford to throw away non-refundable tickets/reservations, and I can't afford to not take the two weeks of sunlight mid-winter. So we are going. Hopefully we can do it without having a war. We'll see.
 
"We," meaning you and Maca. Oh dear.

Spend every day and night out with other men. Bring condoms. :p
 
Congrats on healthy new grandbaby!

Hope that the vacation rejuvenates you in all the ways you need.
 
Glad to hear the new grand baby arrived safely is doing so well!

Toddlers are exhausting; no doubt. I don't want to go back to that stage either. Hang in there!
 
Congratulations on the safe arrival of the new grand baby.
2 weeks of winter sun sounds like a fabulous break.
 
GG's finding the moment where he realizes he actually has to face it-- we are over. He is a wreck. Not really sure how to help him. I am going with "be real." It's painful for him to face it, and hear about Panther and me. But the "we" he misses is no longer reality.
 
I suppose the best you can do is tell him you're sincerely sorry that it's over, but that it is over and there's nothing either of you can do to change that. Perhaps offer to be a platonic friend to him if you think you can?
 
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