I'm back . . .
Hello. It's been a few months since I've been on here - but I've decided that it's time for me to come back. I miss the great advice, support and encouragment that I get here.
Thank you to everyone who has reached out to me via PM or email the last few months - it was greatly appreciated!
Things have not been going well since I was on here last. I am struggling now more than ever. I've let this situation almost ruin our marriage, it's hurt our children and it's brought me to the lowest point I've ever been in. I have an overwhelmingly HUGE amount of hate and rage in me - mostly for MG - but a small part for 2Rings for doing this to me and our marriage. Last week, I all but packed my bags. I was done. I was ready to walk away. I did not give him an ultimatum - I told him that
I made the choice to end our marriage because I could not go on if she was a part of his life. I mentally made arrangements/plans for how we would do it - where we would live, what we would do about the kids, finances etc. As heartbroken and scared as I was - I felt strong, confident, and in control of my life for the first time in a year and a half. And then reality set in: a lifetime without my best friend, the love of my life, 20 years down the drain, child custody, telling our friends and family, lonliness, heartache. I can't do it. I can't and won't let this or anyone break up our 20 years together or our 15 years of marriage. 2Rings won't end it. MG won't end it. If our marriage ends - it's because of me. And that's not what I want. It's not what my husband wants. He is still, and always has been, 100% comitted to me for our lifetime. He wants to stay together. He wants to raise our children together. He wants me as his wife until the day he dies. He has never waivered from that. I'm letting the hurt, anger, jealousy destroy our marriage. I am in control of our marriage. I am in control of my happiness. Things have to change.
I still am hurt, angry, distrusting and hateful towards MG. These feelings are very strong. I do not want a relationship with her. I know having her and I get along would make things easier for him - but this is how things are. I want him to be happy - and I understand and accept that she is a part of his life. I just don't want her in mine. We will all have to find a way to make this work - with the parameters that are in place.
From here on out - I am going to focus on our marriage, on me, on my husband and on our children. Nothing or no one else matters. I am going to start looking at the positives that are in my life. I am going to be appreciative of the time I have with 2Rings and not worry about or focus on the time he is with her. I am going to find a way to get rid of the hatred and anger for MG that I have been carrying around. It's only destroying me and my marriage. It's making me someone I don't like. I hope to eventually be able to find forgiveness.
I will be posting more. I will not use these boards as a place to vent, but as a place to find support, advice, peace and acceptance. I will not be discussing anything about MG specifically - but about 2Rings and I, things we are going through and things that I am feeling. I will not be reading MG's posts - and MG, I ask that you please not respond to my posts. I hope that you will give me space to work the things out that I am feeling or going through. I will be as drama free and positive that I can be.
I am off to enjoy a nice dinner with my hubby and family - I hope you all have a great weekend. I look forward to catching up with everyone and meeting new people who have joined.
Kat
