...I don't find it to be a particularly effective style of communication with the majority of the people I have counseled..and I have been in "the business" for 34 years.
I have to tell you something... I've been going to see a therapist for the last three months, because of the problems I have been having with my gf... I realized after a few weeks that at $150 an hour, it is not in the best interest of my therapist to help me. In fact, during one session she said something like "let me now put on the therapist hat and lets do psychology 101", and THEN we were really working, while usually she just listens to me and gives me the "and how does that make you feel" line... kind of shocking... She also told me one time "I don't want to be judgmental, but..." and I had to tell her "I WANT you to be judgmental!"
Crazy stuff ah?
I'm sorry but there is also such thing as "too much" sensitivity, and being "too much" politically correct, and too much "each person has his own journey". People can rarely see their own lives in perspective, and can't easily see what someone else can see from the side. I want to have my own journey, but I don't mind at all if someone would tell me - "you know son, I'm 70 years old, I've seen tons of things in my life and now let me tell you something: X, Y, Z!" and would be giving me some of his wisdom.
Kind of like that song - always put sunscreen. And honestly, I think that many times its out of selfishness and jealousy. People think to themselves - "I made so many mistakes, now let them make mistakes too!" How many teachers / parents are jealous of their students / children? Many... if not most.
Honestly - I've never been given any "wisdom" from anybody. Not my parents, not my teachers, not my therapist.... they teach you a bunch of useless things in school and then throw you into adulthood with zero preparation. They tell you "go be a lawyer" or "go be a doctor" and they don't even explain you why.
I'm sure it's not like that for everybody, some people have highly educated and intellectual parents but most of us............ Somehow the "human experience" is not really passed from one generation to the other... every generation starts all over again.
Maybe that's why this song resonated with so many people and was such a big hit, because it is so rare that we share any type of "wisdom" with each other. Here it is, if you don't know it:
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99: Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.
You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how...
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.