Need some help with a situation that has been brewing for a couple of months now.
My wife and I of 10 years talked about possibly being in an open relationship in October, I had some reserves but I agree because I wanted to make her happy. We love eachother very much and spend 90% of our time doing hobbies and activities together. The circumstance that I was to believe, was that the open relationship was to involve a mutual friend of my wife and I, who had experience in poly/open relationships, and not to be inlvoving strangers, of course for saftey. We didnt set any boundaries in the beginning (which is a big point where we screwed up). We didnt do any research on what some boundaries could be and what we would be comfortable with. One of the biggest things that have come to fruition is that I dont want her to have a romantic relationship with anyone (which was agreed on with the mutual friend because that's not what they wanted). Some time passed and being the busy couple we are, nothing ever happened with the friend and we could never get a consistent time for them to meet up. Which led to her seeking other partners. I myself reached out and tried to find a partner through mutual hobbies or relationship ideas with no avail making the situation not something that I wanted to pursue further.
So my wife does adult internet sales on the side of her day job and met a guy from not far from where we live. They started to talk more often and started to make an emotional connection and wanted to have a relationship but it was to be more than just a sexual relationship
Certain events have happened in my wife and i's day to day life and I started having some concerns about being in an open relationship and it evolved into her wanting to be poly. We have had a few discussions in the last couple of months about certain things that were a concern and worked our way through them slowly and painfully hoping to mull things over and make everyone happy.
This last month, I agreed to let my wife travel to go see the mutual friend and have a weekend of sexual expoloration. I was using this as a test to seenhow I would feel in the long run with her having sexual partners. On her way home she would be meeting with the guy she had met online and had been talking to for a few months. I had my reserves but gave the ok as long as there was not sexual relations this time. We had spoke about time frames and what time things would happen. My wife can be forgetful sometine and didnt follow the schedule we had spoken about and hurt the trust I had for the situation and I made that abundently clear when she got home in a way that wasn't mean but truthful. There has been a lot of emotional and mental strain on myself because of the situation and working through everything has been tough. I told my wife after she got home that I couldn't handle that strain anymore and wanted us to call it quits being poly. She was frustrated because we had agreed for her to see this guy here in a few days.
I dont think being friends with the guy will end up fixing anything but my wife wanted me to reach out and talk to him to hopfully try to make everything tolerable for everyone since earlier on we had talked about him traveling to where we live and them visiting each other. I reached out today to speak to him and got some concerns off of my chest which didnt REALLY help but allowed me to speak to him about his motives and long term goals for the relationship. His girlfriend has the same concerns and reserves as myself and that was brought up.
We are at a point where I have reached out to the mutual friend for some guidance on what we should do. He has never been in this kind of situation before of course because he's never been married but it was worth a shot. The biggest thing now is that I've promised to let her meet this guy this month. I've told her that this will be that last time I think I can handle heart ache if we can't figure things out before hand. My wife and i have very strong feelings for eachother to the point that we never want anything to come between us and cause us to seperate but this has been a growing wedge in between us that we havnt been able to figure out a solution. In all reality we have 3 scenarios that can happen, the first being, everything gets ironed out and we are all happy in the end. The second is I cannot be accepting of her wanting be poly and become the bad guy forcing her to make a very tough decision which hurts her and forces her to make a choice she may not want to make. And the third is I'll break apart and can't handle the anxiety and stress and remove myself from the situation if that means us seperating. We are at a loss and dont know what to do but she doesn't want to see me hurt for something that she is doing and I dont want to be the husband that can't give her everything she needs and deserves and we are stuck.
My wife and I of 10 years talked about possibly being in an open relationship in October, I had some reserves but I agree because I wanted to make her happy. We love eachother very much and spend 90% of our time doing hobbies and activities together. The circumstance that I was to believe, was that the open relationship was to involve a mutual friend of my wife and I, who had experience in poly/open relationships, and not to be inlvoving strangers, of course for saftey. We didnt set any boundaries in the beginning (which is a big point where we screwed up). We didnt do any research on what some boundaries could be and what we would be comfortable with. One of the biggest things that have come to fruition is that I dont want her to have a romantic relationship with anyone (which was agreed on with the mutual friend because that's not what they wanted). Some time passed and being the busy couple we are, nothing ever happened with the friend and we could never get a consistent time for them to meet up. Which led to her seeking other partners. I myself reached out and tried to find a partner through mutual hobbies or relationship ideas with no avail making the situation not something that I wanted to pursue further.
So my wife does adult internet sales on the side of her day job and met a guy from not far from where we live. They started to talk more often and started to make an emotional connection and wanted to have a relationship but it was to be more than just a sexual relationship
Certain events have happened in my wife and i's day to day life and I started having some concerns about being in an open relationship and it evolved into her wanting to be poly. We have had a few discussions in the last couple of months about certain things that were a concern and worked our way through them slowly and painfully hoping to mull things over and make everyone happy.
This last month, I agreed to let my wife travel to go see the mutual friend and have a weekend of sexual expoloration. I was using this as a test to seenhow I would feel in the long run with her having sexual partners. On her way home she would be meeting with the guy she had met online and had been talking to for a few months. I had my reserves but gave the ok as long as there was not sexual relations this time. We had spoke about time frames and what time things would happen. My wife can be forgetful sometine and didnt follow the schedule we had spoken about and hurt the trust I had for the situation and I made that abundently clear when she got home in a way that wasn't mean but truthful. There has been a lot of emotional and mental strain on myself because of the situation and working through everything has been tough. I told my wife after she got home that I couldn't handle that strain anymore and wanted us to call it quits being poly. She was frustrated because we had agreed for her to see this guy here in a few days.
I dont think being friends with the guy will end up fixing anything but my wife wanted me to reach out and talk to him to hopfully try to make everything tolerable for everyone since earlier on we had talked about him traveling to where we live and them visiting each other. I reached out today to speak to him and got some concerns off of my chest which didnt REALLY help but allowed me to speak to him about his motives and long term goals for the relationship. His girlfriend has the same concerns and reserves as myself and that was brought up.
We are at a point where I have reached out to the mutual friend for some guidance on what we should do. He has never been in this kind of situation before of course because he's never been married but it was worth a shot. The biggest thing now is that I've promised to let her meet this guy this month. I've told her that this will be that last time I think I can handle heart ache if we can't figure things out before hand. My wife and i have very strong feelings for eachother to the point that we never want anything to come between us and cause us to seperate but this has been a growing wedge in between us that we havnt been able to figure out a solution. In all reality we have 3 scenarios that can happen, the first being, everything gets ironed out and we are all happy in the end. The second is I cannot be accepting of her wanting be poly and become the bad guy forcing her to make a very tough decision which hurts her and forces her to make a choice she may not want to make. And the third is I'll break apart and can't handle the anxiety and stress and remove myself from the situation if that means us seperating. We are at a loss and dont know what to do but she doesn't want to see me hurt for something that she is doing and I dont want to be the husband that can't give her everything she needs and deserves and we are stuck.