Not Dead Yet!

MeeraReed

Active member
That's so great! Awesome.

It sounds more exciting than the earlier plan you had of living in a friend's house? I think? I can't recall if you ended up trying that.

Do you think it will be hard to sell your current place?
 

opalescent

Active member
Thank you everyone for the well wishes! I am still really excited.

I'm currently getting my loan application materials together. I continue to work on getting my current place ready to sell. Progress on both but it is exhausting.

I never did move into my friend's place. However, I have her to thank for getting me (actually literally) moving. I will always be grateful for her for providing the push that got me to decide to finally move on from here.

I've been unhappy with my location for many years now. I haven't moved because I feared I couldn't sell my place for enough. However, with the renovations, I think I can break even. And that is more than sufficient for me. I hope my current home will sell quickly. It is a seller's market where I live so I hope that helps me.
 

opalescent

Active member
New place stuff continues. I'm neck deep in the various paperwork stuff I have to do. There is so much! And because I am attempting to close the end of the month, everything is very rushed. Today I have to go print something out, fill it out and rush it over to a business so they can start doing their thing. It's tiring. But I feel like I am making progress.

Renovations on my current place also continue. I was shocked at how much difference painting my kitchen cabinets white made. Really brightens everything up! I've decided to have professionals paint my place rather than trying to do it myself. I just don't have the time or the expertise. But it's all coming along. It'd be nice to put the place on the market before I move.

It's really been mostly all real estate, all the time here in opalescent-land.

I did have one interesting realization recently. I've been mulling over what to do, if anything, with SW. We are current FWBs. I've been worried about getting too emotionally attached to him, and wanting or expecting more than he could give me. He's been really clear that this isn't a romantic connection for him. And I have this unfortunate tendency to want to 'level up' relationships into romantic ones that I really probably shouldn't have. Oak and Willow were definitely in that category. I was thinking about ending the sexual connection with SW. I told him that I was thinking about that. It didn't seem fair to not give him a heads up where my mind was at. So I waffled back and forth on it for while.

Recently I had a date with SW. We haven't had sex in about a month for various reasons. There has also been a lot of life stuff going on for both of us. I'm moving, he's exploring some career options, etc. He got a job offer - it's great opportunity and he's going to accept it. The job has a lot of travel. He'd be out of town most of every month. When he confirmed that he was almost certainly going to take the offer, something in my brain relaxed. It was rather odd. My brain moved him from the 'maybe romantic potential' to 'not available'. I need a romantic partner to be around more than once a month. It's not optional for me. But a FWB? That's not a problem. I might wish to see him more often but I don't need or expect to. Suddenly the concerns I had about this relationship - wanting more, not going to get more, emotional entanglements, expectations - were not relevant. He's just not available in the way I need. Which I already knew. But for some reason, having it framed as he is literally going to be physically absent a lot, made me finally accept that.

I'm pretty happy my brain finally accepted reality. This is not always my strong suit.

I love how that man touches me. It's interesting to me that we are more sexually compatible now than when we first dated, several years ago. I think we both know what we like more now than then.

I waffled because the sex is really good. I would have if it got too emotionally damaging for me. But now I get to have my cake and eat it too! :D
 

opalescent

Active member
There is not a lot going on, beyond real estate stuff. I am cautiously hopeful I will be able to close later this month. Something could go wrong but my ducks seem to be in a row. Getting my place ready to sell continues. I am meeting with a concrete guy today. I should be able to decide which concrete company I want to use. That's the last contractor I need to line up.

I have a fear that Willow will get back together with Oak. She's struggling and is lonely. that said, I don't know how likely this fear is. Could just be me worrying about something that won't happen. I don't think it would be good for her at all. But also if they get back together, I don't see how Willow and I could remain friends. I don't want to spend time with Oak at all, and I can see that fact ending our friendship by default.
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
Willow, congrats on your home offer being accepted. I hope all continues to go well with your renos, and that closing happens ASAP!

Also, congrats on finally accepting the FWB status of SW. That's another relief!

I guess I didn't realise you were still close friends with Willow despite the ending of the triad.
 

opalescent

Active member
Closing is this week! Everything seems lined up for that. And I move a week after that. It was a packing frenzy this past weekend. I’m in decent shape and should be ready when the time comes.
 

Atlantis

Active member
Congratulations Opal. I wish lots of good things for you in your new home.
 

opalescent

Active member
Thanks Magdlyn and Atlantis!

So far things have been steadily moving towards closing, which is Friday. Eek!

I wasn't particularly stressed out about moving - other stuff I had to do, yes - but not moving. Well, now I'm stressed about moving since it is relatively imminent. I'm not in bad shape - quite a bit is packed and ready. But lots is not. It will get done. I'm just anxious about it now.

Concrete company is lined up. But it's been raining for days locally. So they are behind. I hope they can get to me in early June but mid-June might be more likely. I also had to reschedule countertop installation as my handyman wasn't available. That was incredibly annoying but unavoidable. Painting is largely done - some touch up inside and out left to do but not a lot.

I'm working on selling some furniture I don't need/won't have room for and I'm piling up stuff to give to Goodwill. Both feel satisfying.

Friends have been great. Several have helped me pack, or listen to me stressing out, or both. The parental units are checking in with me too. They are going to help me prep the new place for moving after I close. I'm going to ask for more help packing this weekend too.

Realized I needed to pack the sex toys, knives, floggers and other kink toys separately as I need to use the luggage for actual clothes and toiletries. This made me laugh. Obviously I'm going to move that myself. I would be pissed if something happened to my 'adult' toys!

Willow and I are still friends. She wasn't interested in me romantically or sexually but she also treated me like a person, realized when she hurt me and apologized. Unlike Oak, who never thought of me as a person or cared that he hurt me. It was cool she helped me pack. We got most of my books packed up which was great. She is realizing that she misses touch and sex. She went for very long periods without either and was depressed/isolated enough that she didn't miss either. Now she does. Oak is taking advantage of that. They've been having sex although they are not together romantically, at least so far. She knows that I think getting back together with him, or even seeing him at all, is a very bad idea. But she's a grown woman. It would be too bad if the friendship ends over getting back with him but I have no control over that. Whatever happens, will happen.
 

opalescent

Active member
I’ve moved. It went pretty well. I like my new place - so much quieter than my old place!

I’ve been too tired and stressed to really enjoy it yet. I don’t think I will relax until I am unpacked and in a regular routine. Also Tiny Dog is at my parents as I have neither internet nor a dog walker right now. Tiny Cat is with me which is great but I miss Tiny Dog a lot.

Moving is emotionally difficult. I know it’s a good change for me but so far it’s been all work and no fun.
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
I’ve moved. It went pretty well. I like my new place - so much quieter than my old place!

I’ve been too tired and stressed to really enjoy it yet. I don’t think I will relax until I am unpacked and in a regular routine. Also Tiny Dog is at my parents as I have neither internet nor a dog walker right now. Tiny Cat is with me which is great but I miss Tiny Dog a lot.

Moving is emotionally difficult. I know it’s a good change for me but so far it’s been all work and no fun.

Best wishes for some kind of gladness and even euphoria soon!
 

Atlantis

Active member
Hi Opal, I hope it doesn't take too long for the happy to kick in. Having little dog back with you soon will help. Then you will all be together.
 

opalescent

Active member
There is nothing going on the poly front. I am halfheartedly paying attention to OKC but the people who message me don't interest me and the people I occasionally message don't respond. OKC feels like a waste of time again. I've deactivated my account again.

I am slowly unpacking and getting my old place ready for sale. Everything is taking so much longer than I hoped. I had wanted it on the market by now.

I do love my new place. It is so quiet! I sleep so much better here. And everyone is so friendly! I've met many of my neighbors already.

The downside is that TinyDog is having a terrible time adjusting. He barks whenever I leave. I don't know if he barks for hours. I hope not but he might be. I've put him on doggie xanax to help him relax. I've also going to consult with an animal behaviorist to see what can be done. I keep telling myself it hasn't been even a month yet. It's frustrating though. He's miserable. And I worry about being the asshole loud neighbor. I'm what I was fleeing from in my old place. This has been really hard to deal with. I'm trying but it is very discouraging. Perspective is hard to maintain.
 

Tinwen

Active member
The downside is that TinyDog is having a terrible time adjusting. He barks whenever I leave. I don't know if he barks for hours. I hope not but he might be. I've put him on doggie xanax to help him relax. I've also going to consult with an animal behaviorist to see what can be done. I keep telling myself it hasn't been even a month yet. It's frustrating though. He's miserable. And I worry about being the asshole loud neighbor. I'm what I was fleeing from in my old place. This has been really hard to deal with. I'm trying but it is very discouraging. Perspective is hard to maintain.
Would it be useful to speak to your new neighbours? Say hello, sorry for the barking, I didn't anticipate my dog would be so unhappy, is he barking for hours or does it stop? Thanks for telling me, really sorry I'm doing all I can.
I'm sure the people would be helpful and understanding, and if not at least you know.
 

opalescent

Active member
Thanks Tinwen! I did just that when TinyDog moved in and I realized he was struggling. My neighbors have been very kind and understanding. I hope I am not trying their patience too much.

But now I have cameras in the apartment to see exactly how long and what triggers my dog’s barking. I really hope it is not for hours.
 

opalescent

Active member
Death cult

Unrelated to poly thought:

I've come to the conclusion that Christianity in the US has become a death cult. I firmly believe that too many Christians are doing all they can to hasten the end of civilization and possibly life on earth. All so they can go to some heavenly reward.

Are some Christians decent people who want to treat people well and care about the earth? Sure. But they ceded all control over what Christianity is to complete tyrannical nutjobs. Do these people entirely miss what Jesus preached? Yes, of course. But that doesn't matter. Power and control and destruction is all that matters.

It's no longer enough for Christians who aren't hateful to say they aren't like that. They need to rise up and check their batshit crazy brethren. I see no likelihood of that happening because of timidity and general liberal willingness to be 'nice' to people who have different views.

My deeply devout Methodist grandmother would be so disappointed if she were alive.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Sorry to hear that. Do you know what's causing it?
 

opalescent

Active member
I'm not sure Kevin. Part of it is let down after moving. My old place is up for sale - finally! I'm winding down from that. TinyDog is howling whenever I leave the apartment. I'm so worried about my neighbor's reactions. So far they've been really kind and patient but I am really wound up about how unhappy TinyDog is when I leave AND how my neighbors feel about him. TinyDog does seem to enjoy our walks, he's eating away, and he seems to like interacting with all the new people and other dogs. I was a little surprised actually at how open and social he has been. He's always been timid and anxious so I've been surprised that he has willingly interacted with others as much as he has. (TinyCat seem ok except she is throwing up hairballs once a week instead of once every few months. Maybe because there is more carpet in my new place? Could be anxiety too. She's stuck with a barking dog when I leave.)

Part of it is existential. I feel like I need to have a purpose for my life on earth. I do not know why I am here. This has been a long term problem for me for many years. I have no idea how to resolve it.

And some of it is likely poor diet. I'm getting more exercise with walking TinyDog so that's good. I'm trying to eat better now that I have a functional kitchen again. Might be hormonal. My period is getting more erratic as I get closer to fifty.

And I am still really bothered by my lack of dating prospects. I haven't had sex in a few months and touch has been really lacking in my life.

So, everything, yeah.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Sounds like it's a combination of things. Some of them will probably improve over time. TinyDog might just need to get used to the new place, also he might be barking only for a few minutes (well we can always hope). I figure once he knows you're gone, there's no need to bark anymore, right?

As for your purpose in life, I would say look for what brings you joy, and that's probably it. I think you're already doing at least part of it by loving your two pets (and taking care of them). It might not be anything big or spectacular ...

Just some thoughts, I could be way off.
 
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