The fact that neither of them knew about the other but both seemed to see this as at least the beginnings of a relationship.
Unlike other break ups, Mono and mine left me with nothing to hold on to but a rendition of my own memories of events and a complete abolishment of him from my mind. At least I attempt that anyway. Truth is he haunts my every moment.
This was very helpful to read. That is, in part, what happened until love was just a word and sex was just an action for him it seems. He didn't know what love was and it was lost in terms of his love for me. If he ever really had any.How I can relate to this. Although I am much more 'in Mono's shoes' so to speak, the mono GF of a married poly man--I am left wondering what was really true. And I am haunted every moment, thinking of him, knowing that in one sense he loved me, and yet he had spent years teaching himself not to REALLY feel too much for all his outside relationships. He excelled at compartmentalizing, and eventually flew into rages when I pointed out how his various compartments were in conflict with one another, when I wanted to hear that he loved me, but he had compartmentalized emotions from words from actions, fragmenting his life into dozens of boxes.
Thanks for this. You are not the only one that has told me in hind sight that they didn't trust him and that there was something they were creeped out about about him. I can see that now and understand what that is. I have it too. How can the woman that is with him NOT have that feeling...?! Especially as she knows as much as I did, if not more! I find it bizarre and even creepier! Perhaps this is why I am okay and healing so quickly, because the whole thing makes me want to vomit with that sick feeling I feel? Or perhaps I am not as healed as I think? Who knows. How did you find a way to heal after your experience?RP, I am sorry for the loss of your animal companion.
I feel for you, being duped by dating a Don Juan Narcissist. You might recall from my blog, I had a 2 1/2 year relationship with one as well. They are so good at appearing normally loving until it no longer suits them. It's such a betrayal of our good feelings and intentions towards them.
You know, one of my only 2 infractions here were for something snarky I said to Mono when I thought he was acting/talking/typing in a sketchy self serving way. Never trusted him... Just my 2 cents.
Best wishes. The apple tree and tomato plant memory was so well written. I can just feel the evolution of your soul.
To me it builds and even bigger case for metamours meeting one another so that too much comparentalizing doesn't happen. It needs to stay real (sane, not controlled, realistic, emotionally safe, paced in terms of time and not based on disociation from reality) and the only way to do that is to not divide up time and people so much that another life begins to emerge. It creates a fantasy world that at some point is not managable any more I don't think.
I intend to gloss over the whole season by volunteering at a local community kitchen and arranging time with friends. Not bad... just shabby in comparison to the joy I once felt at us all being together.