Sex - Random Questions

Spork

New member
Here's a random thought that I think fits well in this thread...

Pretty much every male in my life, is interested in backdoor stuff (receiving that stimulation.) They do it to themselves. They like it done to them. I understand the anatomical reasons for that. These are for the most part really straight dudes, quite a contrast to when I was a teenager playing among mostly teenagers and those boys would have been scared to try it or admit they wanted to. And I never wanted to do that with my ex-hubs.

These grown men aren't scared of it. They want it. And being a lover who loves to please, I'd like to work on my ability to provide that, because I never did before. One problem though...my fingernails. I keep them not super long, but grown out 1/4" or so, because ALL of my lovers (and my friends, and my cat) LOVE the back scratchin's. But I worry that unless I trim them very short, I may cause discomfort or even injury if I mess with one of my boys' backsides... I've been wondering if I should trim off one or two for that, or use toys, or what...
 

BonzaiBlitz

New member
Here's a random thought that I think fits well in this thread...

Pretty much every male in my life, is interested in backdoor stuff (receiving that stimulation.) They do it to themselves. They like it done to them. I understand the anatomical reasons for that. These are for the most part really straight dudes, quite a contrast to when I was a teenager playing among mostly teenagers and those boys would have been scared to try it or admit they wanted to. And I never wanted to do that with my ex-hubs.

These grown men aren't scared of it. They want it.

Indeed.

And being a lover who loves to please, I'd like to work on my ability to provide that, because I never did before. One problem though...my fingernails. I keep them not super long, but grown out 1/4" or so, because ALL of my lovers (and my friends, and my cat) LOVE the back scratchin's. But I worry that unless I trim them very short, I may cause discomfort or even injury if I mess with one of my boys' backsides... I've been wondering if I should trim off one or two for that, or use toys, or what...

In my extremely limited experience, gloves and a gentle touch go a long way.
Especially for those of us who can't get the kind of leverage and stimulation on ourselves that another person could.
 

Spork

New member
Indeed.



In my extremely limited experience, gloves and a gentle touch go a long way.
Especially for those of us who can't get the kind of leverage and stimulation on ourselves that another person could.

Indeed...and now that I think about it, for those who are nervous and not into "cleaning out" (only one of my males goes that far) gloves might be just the thing to help them relax about it, too. Being self conscious is no fun, I know that all too well...

I think I should buy some in different colors. Black ones would probably be sexier than "Doctor's office blue"... lol!
 

opalescent

Active member
For people with longer nails, I've heard cotton balls placed at the tip of the fingers in a glove help immensely. But yeah, gloves, lube and starting slowly all go a long way. (This is also suggested for fisting vaginas, if that ever comes up.)

Also, sometimes it's the jaggedness of the nails natter more than the length (assuming your nails are not super long). I always make sure my nails are smooth as I use them a lot in sex and/or play. One of my favorite things, actually.

I actually won't give anal play without gloves, even if fluid bonded with someone. I just want to make sure that I don't touch feces directly. With gloves, it becomes something personally super fun as opposed to icky. (I also put a condom on dildos or butt plugs for the same reason EXCEPT when I have dedicated those toys to one person. Currently Glow is the only person I use my butt plug and anal beads on.)
 

Spork

New member
For people with longer nails, I've heard cotton balls placed at the tip of the fingers in a glove help immensely. But yeah, gloves, lube and starting slowly all go a long way. (This is also suggested for fisting vaginas, if that ever comes up.)

Also, sometimes it's the jaggedness of the nails natter more than the length (assuming your nails are not super long). I always make sure my nails are smooth as I use them a lot in sex and/or play. One of my favorite things, actually.

I actually won't give anal play without gloves, even if fluid bonded with someone. I just want to make sure that I don't touch feces directly. With gloves, it becomes something personally super fun as opposed to icky. (I also put a condom on dildos or butt plugs for the same reason EXCEPT when I have dedicated those toys to one person. Currently Glow is the only person I use my butt plug and anal beads on.)

Yeah, I've always really preferred if my partners would use a barrier when doing that sort of thing TO me, because not only is the idea squicky...one can get past squicky ideas...but the possibility of causing yeast infections is a factor I don't want to play around with. Those bacteria just don't play nice with anywhere but their home environment.

I've always been surprised how many guys are eager to "go there" with a female partner, with no barrier of any kind...like, do you think girls don't poop? Seems occasionally almost a disconnect between girl-as-toy versus girl-as-human... And on a not-so-sexy side note, reminds me of the notion that girls' bathrooms are always nice and pleasant and clean...boy, oh boy have I experienced the opposite!

Funny story in fact, my Zen had an inflated idea of women being these pure, virtuous, nice creatures who would surely be completely put off by his dirty dirty male desires, this weird and wrong ideology held him back for some part of his life, and one day working in a previous restaurant job years ago he had to go clean the ladies' restroom. Some nasty person had climbed on top of the toilet and stuck a used pad to the ceiling! He said it was then that he realized that no...girls are gross sometimes, too...lol!

(Apologies...my stream of consciousness is a rambling affair some days...)
 

FeatherFool

New member
I've never really connected with the kink community; everyone in my area seems so... extreme. Fire and electrical play are very very popular, for example, and those seem like the least fun things someone could do to another. A lot of kinksters in my area are super ultra serious about it all, and I'm not super ultra serious about most stuff. I was just kind of curious about the community, but when I made contact I was more or less told I was "too vanilla". Well, yeah, if you want to burn me with a blowtorch I'm gonna say no, thanks. If that's their idea of kink then I'm happy to be vanilla!

I do love take downs, though. Whew! I like challenging, and push push push pushing, until I get thrown on the bed. Yep, mmhm. Being chased or chasing is fun, too. Playful denial, etc, also fun. Basically... playing. Wrestling, tickling, playing keep-away. I love love love laughing and sexy times combined. Romantic/sweet or hot/serious is good too, but being silly really gets me going.

Also watching my guys have sex is basically my new favourite thing ever.

Also also, when Jaeger is sitting on the cough reading some boring scientific journal about rocks and he has his reading glasses on and they are just very slightly crooked. Man is gonna get hisself jumped, right there. He also makes this rumble-growl-sexy-noise that is just the best thing ever.

Also also also, when Tails is all wet from the pool. There is something about his super fiery red hair doing dark from water that just does it for me. It helps that the man looks damn good shirtless. He could probably win all his arguments with me by just whipping his shirt off. Though, to be honest, the reverse is probably true, too ;)

Edit: you guys are too fast for me! Every guy I've ever been with has been into butt stuff. On me, on them, all of it, forever, apparently. That works for me lol Gloves, lube and cottonballs are a good solution for longer nails, and toys can be super fun too. Just be super careful and slow and work up to anything of size. Water-based lube is absorbed really quickly by the rectum by the way, so silicone is usually better unless there is a good reason not to use it (don't use silicone with silicone toys, for example, bad bad plan). Anal is also more likely to cause microfissures than PIV, so STI transmission is apparently much higher that way than others.
 
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Spork

New member
I've never really connected with the kink community; everyone in my area seems so... extreme. Fire and electrical play are very very popular, for example, and those seem like the least fun things someone could do to another. A lot of kinksters in my area are super ultra serious about it all, and I'm not super ultra serious about most stuff. I was just kind of curious about the community, but when I made contact I was more or less told I was "too vanilla". Well, yeah, if you want to burn me with a blowtorch I'm gonna say no, thanks. If that's their idea of kink then I'm happy to be vanilla!

I do love take downs, though. Whew! I like challenging, and push push push pushing, until I get thrown on the bed. Yep, mmhm. Being chased or chasing is fun, too. Playful denial, etc, also fun. Basically... playing. Wrestling, tickling, playing keep-away. I love love love laughing and sexy times combined. Romantic/sweet or hot/serious is good too, but being silly really gets me going.

Also watching my guys have sex is basically my new favourite thing ever.

Also also, when Jaeger is sitting on the cough reading some boring scientific journal about rocks and he has his reading glasses on and they are just very slightly crooked. Man is gonna get hisself jumped, right there. He also makes this rumble-growl-sexy-noise that is just the best thing ever.

Also also also, when Tails is all wet from the pool. There is something about his super fiery red hair doing dark from water that just does it for me. It helps that the man looks damn good shirtless. He could probably win all his arguments with me by just whipping his shirt off. Though, to be honest, the reverse is probably true, too ;)

Edit: you guys are too fast for me! Every guy I've ever been with has been into butt stuff. On me, on them, all of it, forever, apparently. That works for me lol Gloves, lube and cottonballs are a good solution for longer nails, and toys can be super fun too. Just be super careful and slow and work up to anything of size. Water-based lube is absorbed really quickly by the rectum by the way, so silicone is usually better unless there is a good reason not to use it (don't use silicone with silicone toys, for example, bad bad plan). Anal is also more likely to cause microfissures than PIV, so STI transmission is apparently much higher that way than others.

Oh, I wish you could visit my kink scene. While there are a ~few~ exceptions, there is a delightful lack of pretentiousness in it. We have a young lady who is renowned for her take down stuff! We put down mats in the dungeon and she is basically wrestling people in her underwear. She's a badass though! Super fun to watch! Most of our community is really playful, snarky, geeky, fun people. I don't care for the ones who are too super serious either.

My experience with fire and electricity is that when it's done here and it's done right, it doesn't hurt. Yeah, some people get into branding and scarring and whatever but that is not what we typically see with fire and electrical play. Mousse, fleshing with alcohol, cupping...those just feel nice, not painful. The main appeal is the "ooh, ahh, flashy" factor. And electrical play...well, Fire and Hefe are quite into that and I've topped (and bottomed) for it quite a bit recently. It doesn't hurt when we do it, because F&H are more sensualists, not sadists. And even as a masochist I don't like the stingy ouchy electrical stuff. Feels like a tattoo needle. I like it dialed down where it just adds a nice tickly buzz to a gentle touch, and then you have one or more tops just gently stroking your body with or without banjo picks...and man...it's NICE. I'm a total touch-whore anyways though.

But I tend to not think of this stuff as sex stuff. I don't go to the dungeon to get aroused or do sexytime things. I get my extroverted social high on from all of the human energy, and I get my lovely sensation stuff (which is on the level of massage)...and if I do an impact scene, I get my pain high.
 

Asmo

New member
I've got a question. After a trans woman has a sex change, does sex feel the same for the trans woman as it does for a bio woman? Like does it feel good?
This is probably a very dumb question. ;-;
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
I've got a question. After a trans woman has a sex change, does sex feel the same for the trans woman as it does for a bio woman? Like does it feel good?
This is probably a very dumb question. ;-;

Not a very dumb question. The answer is yes. The hormones a transwoman takes before surgery change her sexual response to be more female, ie: whole body orgasms, increased erogenous zones, multiple orgasms, increased breast sensitivity. After surgery, the nerve endings on the penis are retained and reshaped into the clitoris, labia, etc., and sexual response is maintained. Sexual reassignment surgery has become very sophisticated. Post op transwomen lubricate naturally. Some transwomen even report the ability to ejaculate (female ejaculation).
 

LoveBunny

Member
Porn: The porn I watch seems to have so little in common with my actual sexuality. Things I love watching I don't think I'd actually enjoy in real life, i.e. gangbang. That almost seems to me to be the point of porn--a way to explore the stuff that feels too risky to me in real life.

So I don't watch male on male porn, but I do think men together are sexy. I've had many men in my life who were bisexual, on spectrum from mostly gay to or heteroflexible, and back in my younger days had several threesomes/foursomes where the men engaged with each other, and it was hot.

On the other hand, though I love love love sleeping with women, I do not enjoy lesbian porn. I only want one woman in my sex scenes, with 1 to 100 men who don't have sex with each other. Go figure.
 

FeatherFool

New member
My experience with fire and electricity is that when it's done here and it's done right, it doesn't hurt. Yeah, some people get into branding and scarring and whatever but that is not what we typically see with fire and electrical play. Mousse, fleshing with alcohol, cupping...those just feel nice, not painful. The main appeal is the "ooh, ahh, flashy" factor. And electrical play...well, Fire and Hefe are quite into that and I've topped (and bottomed) for it quite a bit recently. It doesn't hurt when we do it, because F&H are more sensualists, not sadists. And even as a masochist I don't like the stingy ouchy electrical stuff. Feels like a tattoo needle. I like it dialed down where it just adds a nice tickly buzz to a gentle touch, and then you have one or more tops just gently stroking your body with or without banjo picks...and man...it's NICE. I'm a total touch-whore anyways though.

But I tend to not think of this stuff as sex stuff. I don't go to the dungeon to get aroused or do sexytime things. I get my extroverted social high on from all of the human energy, and I get my lovely sensation stuff (which is on the level of massage)...and if I do an impact scene, I get my pain high.

You see, this all makes much more sense to me! It was basically explained to me previously as more or less just hooking your nipples up to a car battery and turning it on, which to me sounds like zero fun at all. What you're describing sounds kind of like a TENS machine, which are very nice feeling (I participate in a few high adrenaline sports that sometimes result in physical therapy being required :p ).

I have plenty of tattoos, and they certainly were no fun getting at all. I hate the process, but love the results unfortunately!

It's like the kink community in my area wants to scare off newbies. I'm not the only one in my group who has had a similar experience. A friend of mine recently divulged that her first visit to our only club ended when she required rescuing by a dungeon monitor as a couple just would not take "no" for an answer. I wished I'd known she was going: I'd've gone with her to watch her back.

I get what you mean about the sexy times, too, I think. Takes downs are fun in the moment, but I competed nationally in Judo through high school/university and while tossing someone and being tossed is fun, I never got hot and bothered during matches. It was a different kind of enjoyable.
 

Spork

New member
You see, this all makes much more sense to me! It was basically explained to me previously as more or less just hooking your nipples up to a car battery and turning it on, which to me sounds like zero fun at all. What you're describing sounds kind of like a TENS machine, which are very nice feeling (I participate in a few high adrenaline sports that sometimes result in physical therapy being required :p ).

I have plenty of tattoos, and they certainly were no fun getting at all. I hate the process, but love the results unfortunately!

It's like the kink community in my area wants to scare off newbies. I'm not the only one in my group who has had a similar experience. A friend of mine recently divulged that her first visit to our only club ended when she required rescuing by a dungeon monitor as a couple just would not take "no" for an answer. I wished I'd known she was going: I'd've gone with her to watch her back.

I get what you mean about the sexy times, too, I think. Takes downs are fun in the moment, but I competed nationally in Judo through high school/university and while tossing someone and being tossed is fun, I never got hot and bothered during matches. It was a different kind of enjoyable.

Much more along the level of a TENS. In fact, using a car battery would be dangerous, from what I've heard (I don't care to try that, I think it could cause injury or death!) The violet wand is one of the safest forms of play in the dungeon, even though it's considered "edge play." The car battery to the nips is actually a scene from the book "American Psycho." It killed the woman, in the book, by the way.

Sounds like someone was either trying to scare people off, or being an ignorant ass about it. Either way, I hope no one actually TRIES such a thing.

I will caution you about the TENS... when I first had the thought that electricity play might be fun and a bit of a curiosity, I did not want to spend a bunch of money (electrical toys are COSTLY) and so I went to Walmart and got one of those little TENS units for your back, the kind made by Icy Hot (invovles no actual Icy Hot however)... And I uh...tried it on my lady parts.

And it was very interesting. Kind of fun.

Until it wasn't. And how exactly it wasn't, is that one must recall that these devices are made to deaden nerve pain in the back, right? Well guess what nerve cluster I managed to desensitize? The LAST one you would want to shut down.

Uh huh. I couldn't get off for like a month. :eek:

So don't get too adventurous with the TENS, that's my advice. Although I wonder...I can actually imagine a Dom (or Domme) deliberately punishing a sub or slave by deadening their erogenous nerve areas so they had to endure a punishment period of no O's for a while...that would be a creative and sadistic thing to do to someone, and I can imagine a few who would totally go there.

I'm sorry to hear you've got one of THOSE scenes. :( I have heard from my friends in Richmond, VA, that theirs is pretty sleazy and gross. That creeps try to lure new people into bathrooms and stuff. Ew.

The folks here...we are super friendly to newcomers, encourage them to come in and watch scenes and we make friendly conversation with 'em. My home dungeon, Voodoo, has as one of the big rules spelled out during mandatory orientation that there is absolutely NO harrassment of any kind allowed. People can and do get kicked out for not taking no for an answer. Respectful behavior is an absolute requirement.

Taken directly from the rules sheet, which is read aloud and handed out to be signed by newcomers:

"Just because someone identifies as a submissive, do not assume that they are here to serve you, and just because someone identifies as a Dominant, do not assume that they will beat you. No means no, and it does not mean ask again in 20 minutes. Harrassing behavior will not be tolerated."

I do not take my community for granted. It makes me sad that they aren't all so wonderful.

I also go to the dungeon for workshops to learn safe play techniques, and for discussion groups. I attend groups for polyamory, switches, and subs. My community also does a lot of outreach and charity stuff. One of the young members died a few years back, and his parents hold a memorial BBQ at the dungeon every year, and raffle off cool toys and stuff, and then donate the proceeds to the school their son attended when he was a boy. On Sunday I'm going to an all day thing at a dungeon in Denver, called "Mental Health First Aid Training."
 

FeatherFool

New member
That sounds like a really neat community. The one in my area is kind of... yeah, not like that it seems. It really limits option for learning, since a lot of the workshops happen in people's private homes and I have zero interest in going to some sleezebag's under-a-rock to watch them tie someone up who maybe doesn't want to be tied.

I have to admit I don't think I'm brave enough to try TENS on my lady bits lol Vibrators alone are often too much for me! I'd probably irreparably break something if I used a TENS :p

Update: I recently found a newish group! It's some kind of sub/bottom support group thing. My friend and I are gonna go to their coffee night and see what it's all about. If it's the same kind of thing as before then we just won't go back, but so far in their discussion forum it doesn't look like it's the same people. They've only been a group for a year or so, but they seem pretty friendly online at least. Whoop!
 

vinsanity0

Active member
If I watch porn I generally watch something I would enjoy doing. Things like gang bangs don't interest me so watching it doesn't interest me.
 

Spork

New member
That sounds like a really neat community. The one in my area is kind of... yeah, not like that it seems. It really limits option for learning, since a lot of the workshops happen in people's private homes and I have zero interest in going to some sleezebag's under-a-rock to watch them tie someone up who maybe doesn't want to be tied.

I have to admit I don't think I'm brave enough to try TENS on my lady bits lol Vibrators alone are often too much for me! I'd probably irreparably break something if I used a TENS :p

Update: I recently found a newish group! It's some kind of sub/bottom support group thing. My friend and I are gonna go to their coffee night and see what it's all about. If it's the same kind of thing as before then we just won't go back, but so far in their discussion forum it doesn't look like it's the same people. They've only been a group for a year or so, but they seem pretty friendly online at least. Whoop!

I totally agree about going to someone's house.

Although when I was brand new, my first taste of it was in a dude's house. But it went like this... I met him on OKC, at about the same time I was creeping into the scene. He'd been in the scene for a long time but was no longer active in the community. However, he knew people, including some with excellent standing and reputations, and told me to ask them for references on him. I went on 3 dinner dates, he did not push me at all to rush into anything, he gave me time and space to proceed at my own pace. His references checked out. I still hesitated, because I got the gut feeling that while he was safe to play with, he might not be emotionally safe because he might get more attached to me than I wanted to get to him at that point. I might have been wrong...but he'd not been long out of a marriage and I felt that despite his loud protests that he wasn't seeking a partner, his heart was reaching for something...and I didn't want it to grab hold of me. I just didn't feel that way towards him. So I kept things super casual and hesitated to go to his house. Then he said he was moving to LA, and I breathed a sigh of relief, and went to see him 2 days before he relocated. I got an excellent flogging (though a bit hard for a newcomer--I had bruises all over!) and then I never heard from him again.

I counted it a good experience though. Most of the ones who refuse to come into the community (public events, or parties at the club that are monitored and safe)...I don't trust them. Just too sketchy, too much opportunity for bad stuff to happen. We rely on reputation to know who is safe and who's not. If you won't come out and build a reputation, how can anyone know?

Understand, rope is statistically the most dangerous thing in BDSM. More people are seriously hurt or killed in rope related mishaps, than with fire, knives, electricity, hot wax, whips, you name it. And yet it's usually perceived as "safe" by beginners.

Anyhow best of luck with your group!! I'd be interested to know how it goes if you want to share, afterwards, maybe in blogland. :)

..........

Sorry for the diversion from topic. You can tell what I like to talk about lol!!

So back to asking a question, this came up in MY blog just yesterday due to a silly situation with a coworker.

Have any of you ever had a weird mental conundrum where you see someone, can't stop looking at them, totally acknowledge that they are hot...but don't want them. Like even if this pretty man were actually after me, my gut is just like, "Noooooo...." It's like he's so attractive (pretty) that he crosses over into a place that is UNattractive to me.

He is prettier than me.

I feel safer and more comfortable in a dynamic where I feel I'm seeing layers to my partner that aren't obvious, a beauty deeper than the surface...I like best the men who don't look like showstoppers, but once you get to know them a little, they show you all these surprisingly cool things about themselves. I always feel like the really pretty men are hiding nasty character traits underneath, even if I have no reason to think that. Like they'd be a total pain in the butt to have in my life. I just find it bizarre to feel at the same time like someone is really sexy but also really offputting. Anyone else ever experience this or have any insight to it?
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
I guess if someone has great looks, they don't need as much in the way of personality traits ...
 

Spork

New member
I guess if someone has great looks, they don't need as much in the way of personality traits ...

I don't assume that, entirely. I mean...yes a bit but no, not completely. So let's take Voltaire, super sexy Voltaire (the goth musician, and yes that is his real name, or at least his middle name.) He is gorgeous, even in his 50's now he looks maybe 30. He is also really smart and SUPER talented. Not just as a musician, but he writes and he's an artist, does stop motion animation and a bunch of other cool things. He's got a lot going for him. But! He also has had a rocky relationship history. I think that he has a hard time being faithful to his women (assuming that's been part of the issue) and I know from seeing how he can be on social media, that he can get really prickly and it doesn't take much to get a barrage of attitude out of him.

Seems he can be a bit of a drama queen. And the only men who have ever sent me unsolicited D pics have been singers of metal bands. I don't think that's a coincidence. Some of these front men seem to need the adoration and admiration of others to the point of kinda demanding attention that way.

In the thread about books into movies, I talk about the Beauty and the Beast concept and how annoyed I was that a happy ending had to involve Beast turning pretty again. Because clearly, for the whole thing to be socially sanctioned, he couldn't just be good on the inside, with layers that take a bit of digging to find...he had to have a pretty face.

And then another element too, is that I'm not an ugly person but I don't "girl" very well. I hate makeup, I don't dress girly very often (it feels like putting on a costume, and I do it only rarely)...I don't pretty myself up. I have a flaw on my nose, actually a small harmless tumor that I've tried to have removed and it only came right back...I long ago abandoned trying to be "the hot chick" in favor of just trying to be "a cool person." So I would feel really insecure with someone who counted really good looks among their greatest assets. Especially a man who sometimes wears makeup, goes out of his way to style his hair all Robert Smith sexy goth like and dresses in blouses to come to work, when I'm at my desk in Tripp pants and a GWAR shirt. What could he possibly see in me? I would constantly wonder...

(Clearly I've been trying to parse out an answer to this question in my mind today. "He's hot, why do I distinctly NOT want him?")

Though it is not remotely a bad thing, since dating coworkers is often inadvisable anyways...
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Less looks = more personality ... in most cases
 

Spork

New member
Less looks = more personality ... in most cases

Again...I can't really agree. I think that's why I keep responding (crunching the concept) is because that's the easy answer that doesn't really answer the question, for me.

I know ugly people who are also just unacceptably stupid. I know people who have less looks and also bad personality. I think most of the meth zombies I've encountered in life have fallen into that category somewhere.

And I have known people who were absolutely beautiful both inside and out. Fire is one of those. She is STUNNING. But she has a conundrum. She likes to look nice, and she does fuss and fret her appearance a bit, she is critical of herself when everyone else things she is jaw-droppingly gorgeous. Yet she is also scared to be perceived as vain and superficial. Truly, she's far more than meets the eye, as she is brilliant and challenging and caring and so many lovable things. But it takes maybe 5 minutes in her presence, or one good look into her eyes to see that she is more than just a pretty face.

Honestly I think in this man's case, it's his youth even more than his marvelous good looks that makes me less interested. He's only 28...which, to me, is barely even an adult. Maybe the layers and the depth I'm looking for, are really EXPERIENCE and layers of life lived and stories to tell. Or an energy I can take seriously as Dominant to mine in some way. Maybe I have "daddy issues" after all. Maybe Freud was right!? LOL!!
 
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