MonoVCPHG
New member
Thinking about dating a mono? Here’s one person’s perspective on some basic tips to make an informed decision.
First ask yourself why you would do this in the first place. I mean, geez, you’ve read the stories on here. Now go smack yourself and find a poly! Kidding, kidding.
Are you hoping to convert the mono? Some people are conditioned to be monogamous and will welcome a different approach to relationships, others are hard wired for it and will generate more red tape then the government at tax time.
Have you fallen in love with them? Are you willing to take on a huge challenge? Seriously, snake charming and croc wrestling might seem easier than going down this road.
Are you into open relationships, or are you more a poly-fi sort of person? This is a biggie, so be honest and upfront right away.
What are your relationship goals? Looking to build a network of romances, wanting a long-term partner to share life with, just want a roll in the hay occasionally, that sort of thing? (Science has proven that a mono person can, in fact, roll just as well as a poly person, given the right consistency of hay.)
Next ask your potential mono partner a few basic questions.
What are their relationship goals? It doesn’t have to be their expectations until death, but at least realistic. This will protect both of you. Believe it or not, some mono people will prey on the loving nature of poly people to achieve another sexual conquest, because it’s all about sex. KIDDING! These types would be great for a friend with benefits or one-night stand, but could hurt you deeply if you fall for them. On the flip side, if they are looking for an inevitable traditional marriage or family you don’t want to give false hope. Monos can be really whiny when you switch things up on them.
Have they had other substantial relationships before? Poly experience would be great, but the essential experience of being with another mono is paramount. Otherwise they will probably suffer the “grass is greener” syndrome. Signs of this syndrome include saying, “Fuck this shit”, “What the fuck am I doing?” and “I wish I were Cinderella."
Identifying what polyamory means to you important. Why? Some people have found polyamory through the love of one additional person. The multiple nature of this relationship is specific to an individual and does not come from a desire to pursue a “way of loving." This is a much more stable and adaptive situation for a mono, in my opinion. Yes, they will be sharing their partner with another, or perhaps established others, but they have a sense of calm and stability that monos crave like a single scoop of vanilla ice cream!
In an open relationship (Poly with a chance of more balls… There’s a book and movie out... Ohh, wait now, that’s not the title... my bad) the constant thought of when and who will be entering your life, and therefore their own life, will be a damaging drain on most monos. Don’t assume that the mono will understand your approach to poly. Explain it to them… slowly, like you're talking to someone in a foreign country who will ultimately wonder what is wrong with you. Speed it up, damn it! Your English is still English!
So, there you have it, tips to dating a mono in a nutshell. Okay, maybe two nutshells. But not four or six, or whatever other number of nutshells, just two.
First ask yourself why you would do this in the first place. I mean, geez, you’ve read the stories on here. Now go smack yourself and find a poly! Kidding, kidding.
Are you hoping to convert the mono? Some people are conditioned to be monogamous and will welcome a different approach to relationships, others are hard wired for it and will generate more red tape then the government at tax time.
Have you fallen in love with them? Are you willing to take on a huge challenge? Seriously, snake charming and croc wrestling might seem easier than going down this road.
Are you into open relationships, or are you more a poly-fi sort of person? This is a biggie, so be honest and upfront right away.
What are your relationship goals? Looking to build a network of romances, wanting a long-term partner to share life with, just want a roll in the hay occasionally, that sort of thing? (Science has proven that a mono person can, in fact, roll just as well as a poly person, given the right consistency of hay.)
Next ask your potential mono partner a few basic questions.
What are their relationship goals? It doesn’t have to be their expectations until death, but at least realistic. This will protect both of you. Believe it or not, some mono people will prey on the loving nature of poly people to achieve another sexual conquest, because it’s all about sex. KIDDING! These types would be great for a friend with benefits or one-night stand, but could hurt you deeply if you fall for them. On the flip side, if they are looking for an inevitable traditional marriage or family you don’t want to give false hope. Monos can be really whiny when you switch things up on them.
Have they had other substantial relationships before? Poly experience would be great, but the essential experience of being with another mono is paramount. Otherwise they will probably suffer the “grass is greener” syndrome. Signs of this syndrome include saying, “Fuck this shit”, “What the fuck am I doing?” and “I wish I were Cinderella."
Identifying what polyamory means to you important. Why? Some people have found polyamory through the love of one additional person. The multiple nature of this relationship is specific to an individual and does not come from a desire to pursue a “way of loving." This is a much more stable and adaptive situation for a mono, in my opinion. Yes, they will be sharing their partner with another, or perhaps established others, but they have a sense of calm and stability that monos crave like a single scoop of vanilla ice cream!
In an open relationship (Poly with a chance of more balls… There’s a book and movie out... Ohh, wait now, that’s not the title... my bad) the constant thought of when and who will be entering your life, and therefore their own life, will be a damaging drain on most monos. Don’t assume that the mono will understand your approach to poly. Explain it to them… slowly, like you're talking to someone in a foreign country who will ultimately wonder what is wrong with you. Speed it up, damn it! Your English is still English!
So, there you have it, tips to dating a mono in a nutshell. Okay, maybe two nutshells. But not four or six, or whatever other number of nutshells, just two.
