JaneQSmythe
Well-known member
JaneQ Over-Thinking: Words Matter
So, the last time I visited MrClean (as planned, this occurs about once a week for an hour or so when neither of us have outside obligations, generally during business hours) he used the term "girlfriend" twice. First as part of a lame dad-joke and then, a moment later, in a joking manner but...(like, he had been trying it on for size the first time?)
So. I don't have an aversion to the word "girlfriend" - Dude and I used to refer to each other as girlfriend/boyfriend, but it was also in the context of me also being married and anyone who heard GF/BF also heard husband/wife in context. MrClean does not ID as poly and is, ultimately, looking for mono-MrsClean. I worry (because that is who I am) that if he thinks (and says) "girlfriend" then he is going to project "taken" and miss out on some opportunities for connection. For myself, I would refer to him as my lover-friend or "special friend" or "my" MrClean - reflecting the presumed-temporary nature of our sexual relationship (friendship aside).
I asked him how the on-line dating thing was going - he said he wasn't really feeling "romantically inclined" - that there wasn't "anything wrong" with the women he went out with or was chatting with but that he wasn't feeling any "spark". OK - fair enough, part of the reason I was OK with getting involved with him this go-round was that he seemed to jump into relationships because "sex" and maybe if that was a less urgent need then he would be a bit more disriminating as to who he decided to date seriously. BUT, apparently, he NEVER dates more than one person at a time, even at the "just meeting" people stage - he waits to see whether he wants a second date before he asks out someone new... (Hmmm, I never dated so I don't really understand how it works...is this usual?)
On my end - I signed up on a women/womyn only dating app - I've had several people express some interest in talking but have found (as usual) that after the initial rush of being interesting to people wears off then I am not really enthusiastic about pouring energy into an "unknown" - getting to know people is So. Freaking. Exhausting.
So, the last time I visited MrClean (as planned, this occurs about once a week for an hour or so when neither of us have outside obligations, generally during business hours) he used the term "girlfriend" twice. First as part of a lame dad-joke and then, a moment later, in a joking manner but...(like, he had been trying it on for size the first time?)
So. I don't have an aversion to the word "girlfriend" - Dude and I used to refer to each other as girlfriend/boyfriend, but it was also in the context of me also being married and anyone who heard GF/BF also heard husband/wife in context. MrClean does not ID as poly and is, ultimately, looking for mono-MrsClean. I worry (because that is who I am) that if he thinks (and says) "girlfriend" then he is going to project "taken" and miss out on some opportunities for connection. For myself, I would refer to him as my lover-friend or "special friend" or "my" MrClean - reflecting the presumed-temporary nature of our sexual relationship (friendship aside).
I asked him how the on-line dating thing was going - he said he wasn't really feeling "romantically inclined" - that there wasn't "anything wrong" with the women he went out with or was chatting with but that he wasn't feeling any "spark". OK - fair enough, part of the reason I was OK with getting involved with him this go-round was that he seemed to jump into relationships because "sex" and maybe if that was a less urgent need then he would be a bit more disriminating as to who he decided to date seriously. BUT, apparently, he NEVER dates more than one person at a time, even at the "just meeting" people stage - he waits to see whether he wants a second date before he asks out someone new... (Hmmm, I never dated so I don't really understand how it works...is this usual?)
On my end - I signed up on a women/womyn only dating app - I've had several people express some interest in talking but have found (as usual) that after the initial rush of being interesting to people wears off then I am not really enthusiastic about pouring energy into an "unknown" - getting to know people is So. Freaking. Exhausting.