The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

JaneQSmythe

Active member
...
Today SLeW broke up with her BF TT2.0 due to different priorities and values...

Wow, less than a year ago, AND...last weekend she got engaged! To a guy who doesn't even have a name here yet - because they have only been dating for 3 months!:eek:

That being said - they have known each other for 6 months (not a terribly long time either!) AND spending practically every possible minute together AND he is genuinely awesome for her (and she for him!) AND I (and MrS and Dude) really like him. AND their kids get along. AND they share the same religion/politics/values.
 

MeeraReed

Member
Well, I would say they might have an untested "affinity for the concepts" if they got far enough to have the "let's open our marriage" conversation. Just having "poly" in common though isn't enough. Truth is, I don't like MOST people, so if think there is anything about the situation that has potential - I'll probably at least talk to them (if only in a mentoring "you might want to consider these resources" kind of way - which may be why I find OKC exhausting and only do it in short stints :rolleyes:)

Haha, yes I also hate most people :) and can barely tolerate OKC.

I think what I meant is that for me, I AM looking for something fairly specific in a new partner and I've found some useful ways to rule things out. For me, I'm looking for someone with an affinity for being solo (or solo poly) in particular, so being married in general might be a dealbreaker, unless it's a very solo-sounding marriage.

Like, I went on a date with a guy who didn't use the term "solo," but described a very independent open marriage where he and his wife lived far apart from each other having cool careers. (I didn't click with him, but I considered it a successful date as far as assessing, "Yes, this is the kind of person I am looking for.")

But, I get what you are saying about being open to a wider range of possibilities in connections to other people. I used to have that attitude, and it possibly worked better for meeting people!
 

JaneQSmythe

Active member
Omfg

- so I haven't posted on internet forums besides this one for a good while...I just posted a few responses on another forum (not poly related) and my editorial type comments were edited away for being "political" and "off topic" - SERIOUSLY?! - they, in my mind, were innocuous attempts at humor and were deemed unfit for public consumption!?!?! (I didn't even swear! I promise!)

Methinks they might protest too much!

How do you say anything without saying anything!?!? - I may be too old for this "internetting" if you can't criticize a politician in polite language or imply that someone isn't the most intellectually astute observer...

I have to swear now...(close your eyes):

S H I T
D A M N
F U C K

- I'm sure you have all died of mortification. Now the intarwebs are MINE...:eek:!!!!
 
It really depends on where you live vs where you're posting to. I know if you're from the US, for instance, half of folks want an escape from the massive dumpster fire calling itself a leader because it's depressing and emotionally exhausting, and another large contingent so refuses to accept the reality of it that it's hard not to assume brain parasites are involved. And those in the latter bent tend to view any discussion of reality as "political" even when it's really not (i.e. the existence and rights of marginalized groups, especially GSM, as well as scientific facts about our climate, etc etc).

Different places from different countries with different standards tend to fall into similar camps as well. Frankly I'm torn because on the one hand safe spaces (in the original meaning of "space you are safe to be you and share your experiences without being invalidated") are a net positive, but echo chambers can be dangerous.

I guess choose your audience? I get a sense from this site here that my earlier observations may ruffle a feather or two, and I fully accept this isn't the place to discuss some of my more "radical" (for my country; in others I may be accused of not going far enough) political views. And that's absolutely fine with me, this is a place to talk about love and being in all kinds of love with all kinds of people. And I don't know what you posted where, but I get the feeling based on the language of the editorial response that it was likely innocuous at worst (given again that the objection wasn't offense or bigotry, but being "too political") and that may not be a community worth investing in.
 

JaneQSmythe

Active member
So, I just spent some time reading through this blog (looking for a specific post) - wow, I didn't even remember some of this until I read back through!

Since the house sold I have been much happier! (Yay! It still makes me super-happy every time I realize that is no longer hanging over my head.) Our finances are back on track (for my early retirement) and I feel like I have control over my life again.

My dentist, however, tells me that my teeth are ground down (from grinding my teeth at night) to the nubs over the last few years. How is that possible?!? My stress levels go down and my teeth get worse?!? I've tried 2 over-the-counter night guards - one bit into my gums, the other I keep spitting out - anyone have any suggestions before I spend $180 on one from my dentist?
 

Leetah

Member
Have you tried trimming any excess of the moldable material? My dentist recommended that and it helped.

I have also been told that sleep apnea can lead to tooth grinding so that is something to look into if you haven't.
 

JaneQSmythe

Active member
Have you tried trimming any excess of the moldable material? My dentist recommended that and it helped.

I have also been told that sleep apnea can lead to tooth grinding so that is something to look into if you haven't.

Thank you for your recommendations (I love this forum!)

The one that bit into my gums was not the moldable one (it was the first one I tried and I think I threw it away. I noticed that the moldable one that fits against my top teeth causes me to breath in a way through my nose that dries out the back of my soft palate and makes it hard to swallow. If I flip it over my bottom teeth (not that it fits) then it doesn't do that. So I am thinking of trying one that can mold to either top or bottom teeth and try it on the bottom.

I do have sleep apnea (and haven't learned how to wear the CPAP either!) so that could have something to do with it as well. Also, certain antidepressants (which I take for anxiety) can make it worse too.
 

JaneQSmythe

Active member
Reading and posting today, it occurs to me that I may be more RA than I am willing to admit - but, like with so many things, I am loathe to actually identify with any type of "-ism" even if I agree with much of their philosophy or my behavior is consistent with the practice.

Politically I consider myself a "little l" libertarian

Religion-wise I consider myself a "little a" agnostic

Maybe relationship-wise I am a "little a" anarchist? (Or maybe I am anti-anything that includes a "manifesto"?!?!)

More thoughts later...maybe...
 

JaneQSmythe

Active member
I've been reading about how people are coping with the pandemic, but I don't have a lot to add. In truth, our lives at home don't look terribly different - so it is easy to forget, home in my little nest, how shaken up the rest of the world is.

My sister set up a Zoom meeting for the family Saturday (we usually get together to celebrate Easter and all the spring birthdays). It was nice seeing everyone looking healthy and hearing how they are keeping themselves safe.

Family Camp has been planned for early June but currently all of the cabins and facilities at our State Parks are closed. We discussed whether it might be a good idea to give the whole thing a pass this year. We'll see...

Stay home. Stay safe.
 

JaneQSmythe

Active member
I was posting in Petunia's blog, and (as usual) it got too long!

So, here's the rest of what I was going to say re: the hospital system that I work for: Now, to be fair, they have been really trying to help us out - and the donations from our community have been generous (snacks, meals, construction N95 masks, homemade cloth masks, etc.) We are being very frugal with PPE - but we have it when we need it and "patient facing" employees get a new surgical mask daily and "non-patient-facing" employees get cloth masks they can take home and wash. They are offering bread and milk for sale in the cafeteria and you can order "family dinners" from the cafeteria to take home. They are arranging for dorm-space at the local college for people who don't want to go home and risk potentially exposing their families OR who need to quarantine/isolate themselves due to exposures or symptoms.

Now they are offering "in-house" haircuts - which seems an unnecessary risk to me...
 

JaneQSmythe

Active member
Are you ever reading something and, even though you recognize all of the words and they are in your native language, despite re-reading and really paying attention, you are unable to make heads or tails of what the person is trying to convey?

I consider myself to be a pretty smart and literate woman. I, actually, have a really large vocabulary (I am a voracious reader). I can understand some pretty complex concepts and break them down and explain them to other people. (To quote a line from Hamilton, which I have pretty much watched incessantly since last Friday, "I am not stupid.")

Occasionally, I try to read something and it is obvious that I am just way out of my league - I don't have the requisite background (like the Feynman lectures or the writings of Stephen Hawking). Other times I have to immerse myself in the cadences of a different style of writing. For instance I find it hard to read Charles Dickens if I am reading other things at the same time - but once I am in "Dickens Mode" it goes a lot smoother. To some degree I also notice this with some hard steampunk writings.

Sometimes, I will be reading ideas that are just brand new to me. With words and concepts that I am unfamiliar with. These are often related to philosophies or cultures other than my own. They may seem confusing at first, but with some research and careful parsing I am able to go back and glean more upon repeated exposure. (Such as with my initial forays in reading about Zen and Secular Buddhism.)

Other times, though, I will be reading something that just makes absolutely no sense to me - like people are using common Words to imply Truths and Concepts that are so foreign to my experiences and way of thinking that I want to ask for a translation. And I will see other (regular, normal, people) engaging in the dialogue, seemingly understanding exactly what is being discussed while I am sitting there, scratching my head, and thinking "Wait..what does that even MEAN?!?"

(To be fair, this also happens when I am trying to listen to the demented ramblings of the Bad Orange Man who is our POTUS - but I hear plenty of corroborating opinions from sane people that I am not the only person who finds the "word salad" spewed forth by this misogynistic racist lying sociopath to be nonsensical.:D)

The rhetorical question that I am asking myself: Is it really worth delving down the rabbit hole to try to further my understanding of where the writer is coming from? Or can I just decide (like I did with L. Ron Hubbard's Dianetics - after trying no less than SEVEN times to get past the second chapter!) to put it on the not-worth-my-time shelf of nonsense?
 
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Evie

Active member
I vote to ignore it as nonsense. I have.
 

Magdlyn

Active member
Are you ever reading something, and even though you recognize all of the words, and they are in your native language, despite rereading and really paying attention, you are unable to make heads or tails of what the person is trying to convey?

... Sometimes, I will be reading ideas that are just brand new to me...

Other times, though, I will be reading something that just makes absolutely no sense to me - like people are using common Words to imply Truths and Concepts that are so foreign to my experiences and way of thinking that I want to ask for a translation. And I will see other (regular, normal, people) engaging in the dialogue, seemingly understanding exactly what is being discussed, while I am sitting there, scratching my head, and thinking "Wait.. what does that even MEAN?!?"


... The rhetorical question that I am asking myself: is it really worth delving down the rabbit hole to try to further my understanding of where the writer is coming from? Or can I just decide... to put it on the not-worth-my-time shelf of nonsense?

You can decide whatever you want to decide, of course!

I think I know exactly what writings you are referring to. I edit for a living so I took it as a challenge. The unnecessary capitalization was the worst part. With those taken out, it became more understandable.

Sometimes too much esoteric reading and living in a bubble can really fuck up a person's perceptions, lol. Getting older can also mess with your head. :D:):D
 

JaneQSmythe

Active member
So THAT happened...

I am not ready to talk about it - and probably never will be (knowing me).

Dude is out of the picture (and my house) - almost 10 years and it ends in such an UGLY, SCARY way...I may not be back, not because all of you haven't been kind and fonts of information, but because I need to retreat to our cave and lick my (and more solidly MrS's) wounds. Best of luck in all of your endeavors.

JaneQ
 

YouAreHere

Active member
Hugs, Jane. I'm sorry things ended this way. <3
 

Magdlyn

Active member
Oh no! I'm very sorry, Jane. I wish you healing.

I wonder what on earth could have happened...
 

GalaGirl

Active member
Dude is out of the picture (and my house) - almost 10 years and it ends in such an UGLY, SCARY way...

Yikes! Nobody deserves ugly/scary. :(

I'm so sorry to hear this. Wishing you and MrS healing peace.

Galagirl
 

Tinwen

Active member
Uh-huh. Best of luck :( I also wonder what could have happened (like, did he decide to run off with someone else stealing your bank account access on the way?). Very sorry.
 
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