The question remains, to post or not to post. And if I do post, how much is reasonable to post?
Some of the story isn't mine, but because it directly affected me, I was hurt and angry.
We watched the movie "Killers" with Katherine Heigl & Ashton Kutcher. At one point he said something like, "I work for the blah blah blah with a license to blah."
And in order to tell MY story, I feel like I have to say something like, "It started because Wellington was feeling blah and blah about blah." Because that's where it started. But it's not my place to tell their stories.
I can say that we had an amazing night that past Saturday, an awesome intense scene that left me totally focussed on him and the moment, followed by a fun suspension scene.
Got home late, got up late-ish. Then we headed out to the munch I host.
Right after the munch, I drove 4 hours to my mom's house, stayed the night, went to an appointment with her, then drove the 4 hours home.
An hour or so into the drive, sub-drop started hitting me. I called him as soon as I was in cell range. He was on the phone. I heard him hesitate before telling me he'd get off the phone to talk to me, and I just convinced myself that I'd be fine for the remainder of his conversation. I have music and can sing myself silly until he's done and able to chat.
45 minutes later, we were finally able to talk on the phone. He was upset by the phone call. He wanted to talk to me when I get home.
Sub-drop was pushed aside. I was concerned, thinking the worst has happened.
We chattered a bit longer and I got home within an hour and a half- 2 hours.
Got home, got a great hug. We got the boys situated with a movie and went somewhere mostly private to talk.
He told me what was going on. I was there for him. I listen, I am comforting, I hug him, I'm glad that the worst didn't happen.
I figure after the conversation he's excised the stress, and now I'll be able to get what I need to recover from the sub-drop that has now overwhelmed me.
I get lots of snuggles.
Later that night, he texts her g'night. I say something off the cuff and he's seriously upset again. I was making a joke that should have been "okay" because he told me he was "okay."
We get to bed, I try to talk to him. It results in lots of yelling and crying.
Next morning, we're still not communicating well. More yelling and crying.
Tuesday is a blur. Work was a write-off. I should have called in sick. I spent more time on the phone and on text with him trying to sort it all out than I did actually working. Neither of us remember the day or the evening, but it was frustrating and stressful and angry and hurt-y (not in a good way)/
Wednesday, more fighting in the morning. At work, I have texts & phone calls with him and we're both saying the same things-- we want to be heard, we want to work this out, we need the other to listen. All I kept saying to him is I need him to NOT be angry with me because I was trying to express my feelings. I needed to be able to tell him what was going on with me and get compassion and caring, instead of anger and frustration. I kept repeating over and over-- I need you to not be angry with me. I hung up on him once. Apparently he threw the phone at that point.
We agreed to have a conversation later. Finally came to a place where we were talking. I said to him, "There are some points I need to touch on, and we need to talk in person."
So we get to the end of Wednesday. I get home. We sit and have a conversation.
We do the primary/secondary thing. I know that for a lot of people that doesn't work, but for me, I come first. Our family comes first. Everyone else, family friends, lovers, girlfriends or boyfriends, come second. We're still working out the practicality of that.
But I was starting to feel like someone he had known a couple months was being given equal footing.
I had asked him (Tuesday, I think, maybe Wed) for the remainder of HER vacation with her husband, for it to be just him and me. No texting, no phone calls. She's on vacation with her husband, and I wanted some time to focus on us and connect with us. He hesitated. He argued. He got mad. I felt like I was not his primary. It shouldn't be a big deal for him to say, "Sure, honey. 4 days is not long." But it felt like it was.
So it felt like she was being given equal consideration in terms of the things his WIFE needed. Like he had to check with her to find out if it was okay to meet his wife's needs. That was not okay with me.
We had our conversation.
Things got sorted out. It was an amazing conversation. I won't go into details, but things in my world are right again. My husband and I are on the same page, with the same outlook on poly and how we want poly to look for us.
There are parts to the next few days that aren't my story, either, even though they directly affect me.
He agreed to just him and me during the time I was home, said, yes, it was necessary. We needed to reconnect.
There was a good night text. He was going to call her the next morning to let her know the outcome of our conversation, but the text back resulted in a conversation. I was glad that he could have that conversation with her.
I'm mostly okay now. Thursday I was taking a class on the computer at home. Last night was the start of kicking his butt in canasta, and I have the potential of snuggles, board games, card games and movies all weekend because it's raining.
However, now I'm in the throes of PMS. I am doing my level best to talk down the insecure, unstable feelings, because I KNOW it's not logical. I KNOW it's all hormonal. And I KNOW, based on our conversation on Wed and another one on Thurs, that I can trust him. He cemented that for me. But hormones suck.
I'm so looking forward to this weekend...
