dingedheart
Well-known member
I appreciate you sharing all of that. To me it sounds like you and Adam have constructed your poly marriage from the ground up. Your social circles and dating circles have grown or interconnected from the beginning. You’re motivation and philosophy were established pretty much right out of the box. Do you think that’s the normal for a mono couple transitioning a 12 yr mono marriage ? Hey I DONT KNOW. BUT from the threads I’ve read and participated in over the yrs I don’t think so.When Adam and I did the work to reopen our marriage, it was because I wanted to be able to have loving connections and have these be able to be expressed without mono-normative limits. But it certainly wasn't because I wasn't getting/feeling enough love from him. We did and do love each other very much. We were also still very sexual when we opened up, so it wasn't because of any lack of sex.
I especially wanted to be able to reconnect with my friends from before we moved to the South Island. Adam already knew that if I considered a guy a friend, I had a loving relationship with them that was more emotional than with my girl friends. And that there was very likely a physical component to that friendship, too. I'd told him that when we were getting to know each other. He even had a chuckle at our wedding breakfast when I was sat at a table with a bunch of my guy mates, chatting and laughing, and he knew full well that I'd had ongoing loving friendships and sexual relationships with all of them.
You may ask why I ended up marrying Adam since I could have just enjoyed the same type of loving friendship with him. That's probably something only we can actually understand since neither of us was looking for such a relationship when we met. But here we are.
I still wanted the ability to love my existing friends, and discover new loving connections of varied depths, without the restrictions of a monogamous marriage or expectations of serial monogamy. It wasn't to be able to screw around, but to be able to re-engage with, form, and nurture the kind of loving relationships that I naturally am inclined to.
Since we opened up, I've farewelled old friends (Tech and Trask both passed) made new (loving) friends such as Mike and Lance (both very different styles of connection), had a connection that just couldn't settle into one thing or another and had to be released (Golf), had a relationship that ended for reasons in that relationship, and eventually I met Puck. First online, and finally, post pandemic, in person.
I'm still very open to meeting more people I might develop loving connections with although I clearly have an abundance of love in my life.
From your post #13 it’s your contentions that I’m wrong the scale isnt tilted in your direction and it just equally tough out their trying to find a meaningful connection ?