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You don't have to form a connection with the other husband. It would be nice, but isn't necessary. He can also seek someone else, elsewhere. You can seek out your own new love interest in any number of ways and places, from encounters in person at events, to single poly men on OKCupid (or one...

It's much harder to find someone in the south as a male, in my experience, than it was when I lived in northern states. A lot does depend on geographical attitudes as well as local opportunities - and a lot depends on your own interests and whether they can be adjusted to include events like...

I'd cut him some slack. You can't overturn a mindset overnight. The issue is whether he can adjust to poly, and being mono with a poly partner. It's going to difficult for him to really understand, and accept. How willing is he to make the attempt and not predetermine that he can't fully invest...

Have you read any of the books about poly relationships? They may help you figure out how to present the concept and explain what you want, or perhaps she would be willing to read one of the books and then talk about it. If she is very monogamous in outlook, this could be a deal breaker for...

Are they divorcing because he wants poly relationships, or because they have other problems. My thinking is that they have other reasons to divorce, that have little or nothing to do with his poly orientation. Kevin may be right that you may feel overwhelmed at the prospect of him focusing too...

I too am in the bible belt, and it's a tough go here. Women who are poly or into any kind of non-monogamy have no problem here finding partners - there just aren't many who are poly-oriented anywhere near me. Of course, while the women seem to easily find partners, the men may not be sincere...

Synergy. Positive experiences can (IMO, should) enhance all the relationships you're in, not just the one generating them at the moment. I see his point. His ability to share things with you that he can't/doesn't with his primary, takes some of the pressure off that relationship to be...

It's great that you are willing to consider this and have an open mind, but I strongly suggest you take it slowly. Consider all the options, potential complications, repercussions, and especially feelings - whether or not you decide to go through with this, whether you participate and date also...

I've occasionally had some jealous twinges, but I've always been able to work through them on my own or with a little reassurance. My wife has a lot less of such concerns, but even she has occasionally had them. We've been able to talk them through when they occur, and for the most part we are...

I think you should talk about this further with both of them, given this realization. It would not be fair to the bf to move for the relationship (especially if he has to make sacrifices by moving) if doing so may create a situation where you must make this choice.

I also think it would be best if the bf lived nearby, but not with you - unless your husband is clearly happy with that arrangement. If he is, it can work - I have friends who have almost exactly your history and solution. The bf moved in, and they lived congenially together for about 10 years...

I think you may be right, which in my mind cheapens the poly aspects of a unicorn triad in many cases (no doubt there are some fair and equal arrangements). Sure, I'd like to have a triad, but since my wife and I are straight, it would likely be with another straight woman - how likely is that...

With so many couples seeking a another woman, and - apparently - so few having success, there is something that puzzles me. Why not look for another couple who are looking for a woman? Most of these situations seem to involve a straight men and a bisexual women. Is there a problem having...

She may have more opportunities than you, and so can be more actively engaging with others, but these interactions may eventually be unsatisfying if they turn out to me more about sex and not about love. This problem could balance out as she becomes more discerning, and you meet more people. I...

If you have a security clearance as part of your job, when it comes up for renewal, you'll be asked about your living arrangements, housemates, relationships, etc. There shouldn't be any problems if you are honest. If you don't have a clearance, then it really shouldn't matter - I'd just be...

If we have concerns, we discuss them. We've always been able to find a workable solution so far. We don't want drama, and we don't want anyone we're seeing to damage our relationship. No one else has been so compelling that we'd risk our own relationship for one with them. Stressing it...

Depending on where you live, cohabiting or poly lifestyle arrangements can still lead to trouble, especially when children are involved. Honesty with your kids may not be in anyone's best interests if you live in a state that has a history of intervention in non-traditional families. There are...

I agree - he sounds abusive, lazy, and controlling, and of course doesn't want his meal ticket to leave. Trying to stop you from leaving is unacceptable and abusive behavior. IMO, you should leave and break things off with him permanently.

The idea of a veto may be reassuring to someone inexperienced with poly. In reality, it's seldom going to work or end well if invoked. I think you must make concerns and issues with the other partner known and discuss them. Hopefully you can reach a solution or compromise because you both care...

She told you there would be full disclosure and trust, then lied and cheated on you in your own home. She can't be trusted, and I would find this an absolute deal breaker.