YouAreHere
Well-known member
Thinking of you, Opal... hoping that as the situational stuff changes, things get better. I can sympathize.
Ugh, I'm falling into depression.
TinyDog is howling whenever I leave the apartment. I'm so worried about my neighbor's reactions.
Might be hormonal. My period is getting more erratic as I get closer to fifty.
I haven't had sex in a few months and touch has been really lacking in my life.
I feel like I need to have a purpose for my life on earth. I do not know why I am here.
I'm not sure if you will take advice, particularly from someone much younger who certainly hasn't resolved the issue themselves , but I actually did some work on it over the past year or so, and I've got resources, I wonder if you might be interested?Part of it is existential. I feel like I need to have a purpose for my life on earth. I do not know why I am here. This has been a long term problem for me for many years. I have no idea how to resolve it.
Oh, Opalescent, I really feel for you. I am there too, with all of the above. Been battling depression for the past year or more, due to relationship issues and the LD thing/lack of touch. Just turned 50 and definitely starting to go into menopause.
Having ASD and anxiety/social phobia, I long ago came to some sort of peace regarding not having "achieved" my potential, career wise. These days, I content myself with simple goals: being kind to people and animals; trying to make even one other being's life a little easier in whatever way I can; endeavouring to maintain some form of creativity, even if nobody else ever sees what I write, make etc.
Not everybody was cut out for "great" things... but I believe the small acts of kindness and caring add up. Find what you love and what's important to you and work with that.
Sounds like it's a combination of things. Some of them will probably improve over time. TinyDog might just need to get used to the new place, also he might be barking only for a few minutes (well we can always hope). I figure once he knows you're gone, there's no need to bark anymore, right?
As for your purpose in life, I would say look for what brings you joy, and that's probably it. I think you're already doing at least part of it by loving your two pets (and taking care of them). It might not be anything big or spectacular ...
Just some thoughts, I could be way off.
Thinking of you, Opal... hoping that as the situational stuff changes, things get better. I can sympathize.
I'm not sure if you will take advice, particularly from someone much younger who certainly hasn't resolved the issue themselves , but I actually did some work on it over the past year or so, and I've got resources, I wonder if you might be interested?
There are very different takes on the issue. I actually really bought a life-purpose-course. I don't think that is what you need, because it's more career-focused. But it was kind of useful, although I got stuck about two thirds into it. It gets one to contemplate and align values, think about what you're good at and choose the positive impact you want to have on the world. How do you want to contribute? (Well that's where I got stuck )
Anyway, there's more
If you think that stuff is shallow, pretty much all religions around the globe recommend contemplating death. (Well I wouldn't necessarily do that when sliding into depression.. hope you get well soon.)
- The kinda intellectual blog of Mark Manson is the least out there resource I'll recommend
- Here's an exercise you can try.They promise success in 20 mins which probably won't happen - but I got it recommended from a person on another forum who actually got a huge insight from it. He said it took him two one-hour sessions. I also got some minor insights.
- Here's a bold video by Teal Swan who clearly believes that there is an intrinsic purpose to life.
I guess the point is, all meaning and purpose might be man made and arbitrary (yeah, that guy again), but if you're struggling with the feeling of lacking purpose, doing some contemplation may actually help.
Hi Opal,
Best wishes for you to defeat/ride out/manage your depression. Perhaps it's just the accumulated stress of moving plus the emotional lull of being finally done moving?
If you are truly entering a depression, I would not worry about your "life purpose" until after you have obtained appropriate treatment. Feeling upset about lacking a life purpose could simply be your depression brain chemistry talking at you.
If you want my thoughts on "life purpose" stuff, I have a different perspective from Tinwen (although I appreciated her links).
I don't think everyone needs to have a "life purpose" or even a life passion or a life goal. I think it's a myth (and a harmful one) that everyone needs to find one thing to dedicate themselves to.
From the age of seven, I wanted to be a writer. I had imaginary stories in my head, and I had a natural talent for words/writing. I wrote constantly and won writing awards at school. As as teenager, I couldn't imagine any other career besides novelist. I believed I had been born to be a writer, that it was my purpose on earth, and that I would rather go blind or be paralyzed than lose my writing ability. I felt smug that I had a "purpose," compared to other people who didn't.
Well, those other people turned out just fine. They either developed interests later in life, or found a career path they liked, or experimented with various things until they found a way to support themselves, or got a steady day job that supported their other passions.
My brother, for example, never had a particular drive to do one thing or a talent for one thing. But in high school he figured out that he liked math & engineering, got into an engineering school, figured out he wanted a career as an engineer and worked had at it, and is now a civil engineer. Very straightforward life path. But he doesn't consider his job to be his life purpose--it's just work he likes and it earns his living and gives him a good work-life balance. His "purpose," if you ask him, is to spend time with his family, raise his daughters, and have cool experiences traveling, camping, rock climbing, beer brewing, etc. So he has a career, but his life passions are his family & his hobbies.
I, meanwhile, floundered through my whole 20s trying to figure out how to become a novelist (since artistic career paths are not straightforward). I dropped out of one college, worked in an office, went back to school, majored in two different humanities subjects that don't translate directly into jobs, graduated with honors but almost no work experience, worked part-time jobs for minimum wage, lived at home, attended a prestigious writing workshop, had several small publications/awards, worked more part-time jobs, struggled to write while being broke, still lived at home, tried freelance work-for-hire writing and hated it, earned an MFA in creative writing [don't do this], turned 30, got a a few more little publications and was still broke. And then discovered that I really didn't feel like writing any more.
So I got a full-time job in a totally unrelated field (admin at a college) to pay off my grad school loans and not be broke. I was too exhausted to write, and then later I still didn't want to write at all, but I kept telling myself I should be writing, that I'd get back to writing, because it was after all my purpose on earth. I felt bad and depressed.
Yet, I also really liked having a day job and a steady income. I decided I wanted to stay in the field of college admin, especially after I transferred to a better job in the same college system. So now I have a "career," or at least a steady living, that I did not at all expect but that I quite enjoy.
The next step was figuring out that I don't actually WANT to be a novelist. I have friends who are published novelists--and I wouldn't actually like all the deadlines and the stressing about sales. Although my writing is at a professional level, I don't want it to be my profession.
This realization was very freeing. Instead of feeling despair at abandoning my "purpose," I felt liberated. Now I write only for fun, when I feel like it. I occasionally submit pieces of writing if I want to (one was published last year), but to make a living writing is no longer my goal. It's for fun.
I also now have a ton of energy to devote to other things--other hobbies, other interests. I met a partner whose life philosophy is "do what makes you happy," and he's really inspired me to live my life to the fullest, and to not feel guilty that there is some writing project that I "should" be doing. My life is much richer and happier since I "gave up" my purpose.
Hope this helps. I think it's perfectly fine to live one's life by enjoying little things, like cups of tea and crossword puzzles, rather than being driven toward one passion or goal. My only big goal is to be as happy as possible within the limitations of my health/finances/geography, etc.
If I feel lost or directionless, I set myself small, practical goals that improve my life and my connections with others. Last year I did a big scrapbooking-photo-album project for my grandmother (she turned 100). This year I took a course in Italian and planned a trip to Italy with a friend (leaving next week!). I could not have done either of these things if I was trying to finish a novel for a publisher's deadline.
And, without one main passion, I have time for many more little passions!
But I have been unable to refocus on smaller, less grand scale things. While I'm proud of the work I've done to develop friendships and keep my pets happy and healthy as best I can, that's just not a sufficient reason or purpose for life. But I have no idea how to address this lack either. I've struggled with this for a long time and I cannot figure out how to set it down and walk away or develop some sort of purpose(s). It's maddening and I am quite stuck.
Brief non-poly or existential angst update:
Finally got a decent offer on my old place! We should close sometime next month. I feel much better - some of the stress on my shoulders will be gone once the old place is on to its next owner.
Glad to hear TinyDog is doing better, Opal!
Here is an article that describes what I was trying to say about "finding a passion," in case this is helpful to you: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/life-advice-dont-find-your-passion/
The premise is that people who are open to more options are often happier than people who believe they have one true passion--which has certainly been my experience.
Glad to hear TinyDog is doing better, Opal!
Here is an article that describes what I was trying to say about "finding a passion," in case this is helpful to you: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/life-advice-dont-find-your-passion/
The premise is that people who are open to more options are often happier than people who believe they have one true passion--which has certainly been my experience.