Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success & Happiness

I had a great, five-hour-long IM conversation about everything under the sun with my lover's other sweetie, which made me feel like we are really friends and dispelled a lot of the cloud of mystery that I think partially contributed to some of my past twinges of jealousy. Now I am looking forward to her visit rather than feeling vaguely like I have to steel myself against it.
 
MonoVCPHG said:
Hi everyone,
Just a short update on the journey me and Redpepper have been on :).

Her husband and I have enjoyed working together on projects while camping and he has become my closest and most trusted confidant outside of Redpepper herself. I can share my worries and feelings with him as he is very logical and non judgemental in seeing through the emotional clouds that Redpepper and me have peered through at times.

We are not forcing the future although we all have similar goals and desires. Essentially everyone in this relationship wants each other to be happy. Each of us is communicating and looking out for the well being of the other.

I take great joy in aiding them in spending alone time together which makes me feel like I am bringing them closer as a couple. I am quite comfortable in referring to myself as a secondary (although that is not the word they would prefer), and will always put their family and primary relationship first and foremost.

As a group, we are active in the local poly community through monthly meetings where I humbly feel people view us as an example of deep poly success and what can be achieved if the right people come together.

I am extremely proud of Redpepper and feel blessed by every minute we have together alone and as a family if I might be so bold to use the word. I love her with all my heart and want only for her to be fulfilled and flourish. I definitely feel like a positive in her life and to her family which is my critical requirement to be healthy and happy.

Take care everyone
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MonoVCPHG said:
Tonight I was invited to Redpepper's parents house for a family supper. It was relaxed, incredible and so natural for all of us to be together. Her brother was there as well as a deep family friend of hers. We felt like family; Redpeppper felt it, I caught her looking around and looking so full.

All of us would have been friends regardless of my involvement in their family I think. We are all doing great in the moment:D
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Hope is the last thing I need in my present circumstances; but I wanted to thank you for sharing such a positive example. Best of luck to all three of you.
 
MonoVCPHG started this thread, but he and Redpepper broke up.

I am certain there are other people who posted their successes in this thread that are no longer together anymore. That doesn't mean poly in general or their specific relationships were not successful for what they were. Longevity is not the only barometer with which to determine success in a relationship. But there are some really great shares to read here.
 
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Feels strange that I was reminded of this thread because of the (relative) longevity of our poly relationship(s) today and thought about posting. But I will nevertheless, Miss Indie. :)

I was just thinking how much support, love, acceptance, understanding, willingness to make it work and compassion I have been experiencing over the last four years, and how happy I am that we are able to live our life as the family we are right now. Even though we were, on one occasion, even told that all the major changes could break up already one couple easily and that we will never make it through this with two relationships on the line, it was, in fact, the poly situation that was able to balance our stress and made the arrival of our twins manageable in a better way. They will turn one soon and I am feeling thankful and content right now with my family.
 
I just want to say that I'm very grateful for my (two) poly companions. They are amazingly gracious and accomodating towards me. And we have a peaceful home. So different from the (monogamous) home I grew up in!
 
Over four years living together as a chosen family of three adults. I am the luckiest girl in the world!
 
I have a Special Date planned with each of my three guys, individually. So much to look forward to! Have been feeling overly happy today.

I doubt that JaneQ is the luckiest girl in the world, 'cause it must be me! :D
 
I have a new guy. I'm all squeeful and over-endorphined. Both pre-existing guys are just happy I finally got the nerve to make a move, since they've had to put up with me being all indecisive in the lead-up.
 
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Congrats, Emm! Sounds perfect! I kinda know the feeling... approaching the one-month post with Jeremy :D It's all roses and sunshine here, too :p
 
I think I've found the downside of being high as a kite on nature's finest brain chemicals. For a while I've been wanting to spruce up my kitchen; in my current mood my leisurely plan to eventually get around to maybe looking into it one day is on its way out the window and I'm just getting new everything.

Because Wheee!
 
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Yay! NRE fueled projects!

Leetah
 
positive feelings about opening up

This is a thread of positive aspects of living poly. For me it is:

Feeling free-- I feel I can do many things I couldn't do before.

Being me-- my whole life I've been excited about other men. Now I can even talk to my husband about it.

...to be continued
 
I'm glad that my very long term partner is "secure" enough that I can talk with him about finding other people attractive (and that he can do the same with me) without it leading to conflict around jealousy or insecurity.

I'm glad I can go out on "dates" with others without feeling like I'm doing something wrong, unnatural, etc., ... and without him freaking out or thinking I'm doing something hurtful to him.

I'm glad my partner knows my desire to connect lovingly (and perhaps even sexually, romantically) with others is not in any way a rejection of him or a diminishment of our loving companionship of very many years.

These are some of the countless upsides of it all.

I'm very deeply sad, however, that it's so difficult to make a meaningful and lasting loving connection with anyone else, and that I keep getting rejected in large part because I have a partner already.

There are other reasons for my having been rejected, no doubt. But maybe if I were single I'd have a better shot at creating another loverly relationship -- and this fact does make me said. Especially recently, though other factors were involved as well, of course.
 
Hubby is very set in his ways. He doesn't like change, and there are things he refuses to do because he doesn't enjoy them. Unfortunately, some of those things are things I would like to do, that I would enjoy, that I can't do with Hubby because he isn't willing, things like: going out to dinner, cuddling while watching TV, and socializing with friends. Hubby doesn't have any friends and says he doesn't want any.

Acting on polyamory has enabled me to find partners who can meet those needs for me, while not having to give up my marriage to Hubby, who meets other needs that no one else would. It's also enabled me to find partners for whom I can meet needs no one else meets for them, and sometimes that's even better than having my own needs met. (I like helping people...)
 
My communication skills have improved. I'm more open and honest about my feelings, less guarded. The end result of this is that I feel loved and accepted for all parts of me, and I've learned how to love more selflessly.
 
River said:
I'm very deeply sad, however, that it's so difficult to make a meaningful and lasting loving connection with anyone else, and that I keep getting rejected in large part because I have a partner already.
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I'm sorry, River. My hetero, male partner has also found it extremely difficult to find partners who want a deep emotional connection with someone who's already partnered. Casual or NSA he can find, but he wants neither. Part of that is the area we live in.
 
PinkPig said:
Casual or NSA he can find, but he wants neither. Part of that is the area we live in.
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Tell him he has a bi brother in NM who can totally relate, and who will shower him with both understanding and empathy. If he ever needs an understanding person to chat with, I'm available.
 
It's because of poly that I could be Snowbunny's partner -- and in a family with her and Brother-Husband.
 
I feel superior. Maybe that's stupid, but does anyone feel that, too? When you listen to people who are monogamous, talking about their problems, fighting because of their partner looking at another woman, etc. I feel so superior. My husband is now telling me everything. I know who thrills him and what he thinks. And he is allowed to do anything he wants. I feel like a better version of myself now. It feels like the next level in a computer game to me. Of course, you still have issues, but on a complete different level.
 
I've definitely become a better person since opening my marriage. I communicate better, and I feel so much stronger. It's not like I was sorely lacking in those categories before opening up, but the improvement I felt was surprising.

I will admit to feeling superior sometimes, but it's not due to poly. I find myself eye-rolling at a lot of drama my acquaintances are involved with. But I was doing that before opening my marriage. I admit to being pretty self-satisfied with the level of communication and care in my marriage, and also the independence. Despite feeling that I was mono for so long, looking back, poly seems like it was right there waiting for me.

The best part about opening up was finally dealing with some deep inadequacies I didn't realize I had. Not to say they're totally banished or anything, but things are so much better now. It's like I've been walking all my life with a thorn in my foot, and the process of opening my marriage made me sit down and yank the damn thing out.
 
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