Today, I'm supposed to be talking with Puck as an all day date call. Admittedly, this generally means we come and go from actual being on the phone, but today it just seems like he's more off the phone than on. First, he needed a nap. Then to go get coffee (drive to coffee shop). Then it was exercise the dog (Iris' dog as she needed him to look after it for the day), then exercise the dog some more because after a quick nap she became even more excitable. And now he needs to go make an eat dinner with Renee (a two hour mission*). He reckons after dinner we'll be able to have a longer chat.
Long distance really sucks sometimes. I just wanted connection time and he's got very little energy to give to our connection right now. There is no sexual connection and no dynamic. His burnout that I first saw in May has only increased and, by his own admission, he has hit his rock bottom. I am certainly able to stick with him through it, although in my own burnout and pandemic fatigue I find my patience wearing thin. Why today, of all days, does he have to be dog sitting? (Obviously, because he simply needed to, but it just feels unfair). Why, on MY date day, does he have to go make dinner with Renee? (Obviously, because they live together, she is home, and it's simply expected). The answers are logical, understandable, realistic, but that doesn't mean I can be at peace with them.
But with no end in sight to the travel restrictions from my country, I find my heart simply breaking that all I want is time and I can't even get it when we plan it.
And now I have two primary partners with no sex drive.
FML.
*2 1/2
Long distance really sucks sometimes. I just wanted connection time and he's got very little energy to give to our connection right now. There is no sexual connection and no dynamic. His burnout that I first saw in May has only increased and, by his own admission, he has hit his rock bottom. I am certainly able to stick with him through it, although in my own burnout and pandemic fatigue I find my patience wearing thin. Why today, of all days, does he have to be dog sitting? (Obviously, because he simply needed to, but it just feels unfair). Why, on MY date day, does he have to go make dinner with Renee? (Obviously, because they live together, she is home, and it's simply expected). The answers are logical, understandable, realistic, but that doesn't mean I can be at peace with them.
But with no end in sight to the travel restrictions from my country, I find my heart simply breaking that all I want is time and I can't even get it when we plan it.
And now I have two primary partners with no sex drive.
FML.
*2 1/2
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