In the garden

Thursday wasn't much better and Friday I bolted for home as soon as the last bell went. I had invited Enigma over in the evening thinking Adam would be going to work and we could have a private and hopefully only mildly awkward chat. But Adam called in sick before I told him that Enigma was coming over and the whole thing was really just a bit of a fuck up. I was pretty sure that Enigma touched my hand on purpose at one point, so I returned that with a deliberate touch of his arm. God I just want a proper moment to ask him if his relationship is open. Until then, there is very subtle flirting in that safe zone that could be easily stay in the safe zone if they aren't.

But today, I'm struggling with just existing after a week of pushing through. This is a collapse day and I'm desperately hoping I can find some energy for our date night tonight. I've been so looking forward to it but I feel so terribly drained right now.

Puck is in the throes of Thanksgiving so we are just touching base once a day right now. I'm familiar with the Thanksgiving routine by now so I know he'll also be glad to have a really proper catch up once the house is empty of guests again.

Adam has been working on bookshelves for the new building and I've been doing almost precisely nothing. But it's nearly time to get ready to go out so hopefully I will feel better for getting dressed up (oh god, in what? I have nothing nice to wear lol) and going out to a new (for Adam, I went once myself) restaurant.
 
The restaurant was a bit of a let down, but the wine bar we went to for a pre dinner drink and snacks was fantastic and we'll definitely be going there again. Neither of us was much of a conversationalist last night, but we were out together and that was in itself an enjoyable thing. I seem to have a slight ear infection (well, actually eustachian tube I believe given where the pain is) so I'm feeling a little under the weather. Whenever my immune system has to do anything it makes out like it's climbing Everest or something and I am left feeling wiped out. I just tried to have a wee call with Puck and I'm honestly feeling too rubbish to have much to say. They're doing their traditional Saturday movie marathon (this year it's the Die Hard series) so we may try again after the next movie.

I had a few messages with Ayin the other day, he's in the process of getting pre-approval on a mortgage. I hope it all goes smoothly for him.
 
Just over a week of work with students to go. I don't have to keep working in my classroom, but I'll end up spending time in there to really clean stuff out now I know what I'll not use.

I'm impatient for this weekend and my longer call with Puck. We have big plans.

I have reached out to Enigma to visit again on Friday when I will have spent all day home alone watching professional development video conference sessions.

I really hope he says yes. And then I can actually privately ask him if they do ENM.

Please please please be a yes.
 
Today, my day collar is back on.

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Today is Saturday. It is the first day of the summer school holidays - so I really feel like I can relax and enjoy planning for next year's courses. Today, Adam and I woke up early to our cat loudly defending her property right outside the bedroom window. Since that was just before 5, I stayed awake and have had a lovely productive day so far. After Adam left for work at 6, I went for a short walk/run and have stretched out my hips. Dishes, tick. Laundry, tick. Small hot breakfast, tick. I'm taking a moment to write and then I'll do a small but essential grocery run before I talk with Puck at my 10am 11am. Then I will probably pop down to the next town over Christmas market.

I feel like I have a year to get in shape again, I can see the light at the end of the pandemic tunnel and I am confident I'll be near to travel this time next year. I've noticed some pretty new and bad joint swelling recently so I really need to get that under control. Yay 43, right?

The only real Christmas plans I have are having a visitor this week (Tuesday-Saturday) and then after Christmas, going visiting my families. Adam is working through on his usual schedule, but he'll have the 22-25 off and the 30-2 off, so I'm sure we'll get to do some things together to be a little celebratory. Although we're totally broke because of the fucking shed lol. But it's getting closer and closer to being done. a bit more painting, another visit from the electrician, then it can really be tidied up. And Adam has promised me that the entire section will be cleared of all the remnants of the construction. I just want tidiness!! Including the garage which is currently storing all the books that will end up in the shed (as a proper library). I strongly suspect that there will be not nearly enough book cases, so although Adam reckons he'll downsize the book collection, I doubt it. I am pretty sure he'll just want to build more bookshelves in another space. But the front half of the garage is MINE! lol

I honestly thought I'd collapse in exhaustion at the end of the year, but I feel energised and optimistic and looking forward to doing all this stuff. I just really need to keep this momentum going, so, let's hope every day is as good as today :) (I'm finding background music really useful).

Update: didn't make it to the market as Puck was running a little late, but it was a really wonderful date call.
 
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OK, I admit it. In my 20s I was a huge fan of Sex and the City. Here were these 30 something (and a 40 something) women being amazing at what they did and getting ahead. My 20s was a wash out, truly. I honestly wanted more out of my 30s. I got it, but it still wasn't cocktails in Manhattan. That's okay, I have my 40s to go.

But I'm watching the reboot. I'm half an hour in and it feels like 10 minutes. I'm completely distressed by the amount of fillers and/or botox that these characters have clearly had. Charlotte's cheeks. Carrie's lips. Mercifully, Miranda has grey hair, but for how long since there was half a scene trying to convince her to dye it.

What the ever-loving fuck? These characters were my role models and now...they are exactly who I don't want to be. Sure, I'm beginning to notice my age and I've even considered botox for my forehead until I found out the price. But I can't believe that these characters are so...obviously...engaging in such things. I have to hope it's a commentary on New York since I certainly have never seen Sarah Jessica Parker interviews with such obvious work done.

A friend posted that this reboot is an emotional roller coaster, and it's hard to avoid spoilers when looking for which platform I needed a free trial to in order to stream it, but the only feels right now are the ones wherein I'm suddenly disillusioned by characters I used to enjoy. (And in case you think I have absolutely no taste in television, the following statement will either cement that or redeem me: M*A*S*H is fucking wonderful and Margaret Houlahan's character arc from beginning to end is spectacular.)

I'm actually going to keep this post open and write my thoughts about the SITC reboot as I watch. With pauses for spicy wedges that are about to go in the oven.
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OK, how does Big masturbate, with lube, then bring his hand up to Carrie's hair and it's not even glistening? I call bullshit ;-)
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Yeah, okay. Suddenly the botox is irrelevant. Because they went there, to worst fear land.
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OMG, they've written Charlotte as fully cemented in her narcissism. Certainly showed the progression of unchecked "personality quirks."
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okay, I'm done for the night. Honestly very disappointed.
 
I'm sorry that S&theCity was such a bust for you! But i'm SO super glad to see you and puck working things out. :) I hope you can make it out there to see him next year!! Bring on the fabulous 40's Eve.
 
I should have done some work today but I've totally hit the wall after a week full of being heavily involved with people. It's great reconnecting with friends, and beginning to make a new one, but I'm rather knackered today (ok, actually absolutely shattered). Luckily, Adam is working tonight so I should get a very peaceful night's sleep, so long as my cat doesn't fuss like she did last night.

I had an honest conversation with Mike over the weekend. It was good timing for it. We're still good, just not that close right now.

There's finally movement on opening our borders a little bit. From May, both NZers and Internationals can do a 7 day self isolation upon entry. Still not going to help me until next January, but quite feasible that this time next year I'll be just days away from the US.

I still dread what 2022 will bring, particularly work wise and disruptions from Covid being fully in the community. But I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other, day after day, until there really is a light at the end of the tunnel.
 
Tonight, I'm out with Ayin and having the most wonderful time.
 
It's well before the heat of the day, so I've been out mowing the lawns - or as much as I could manage before I still overheated (temp profile picture is me just after coming in from said lawns. My face is actually redder than the camera captured.)

I had a rough start to the new year on the 1st of January, but Gaze saw me through - yay timezone differences.

Today is the 3rd and I'm feeling like I can have a productive day. I'll probably bounce around between activities, but I'll get things done. I can do "fun stuff" today and procrastinate on the less fun since the list is loooong. But for now, I'm just taking a moment to cool down and guzzle water.

So, I do a 'word of the year' thing instead of resolutions, although I can't for the life of me remember 2021's word, hold on, let me check...

Oh, right, it was Confidence, and you know what, I did have more by the end of the year. Changing jobs was hard and I'm still not extremely confident, but I'm growing and the change has helped.

So, this year I have chosen Outside. Outside the house, outside the box, outside the norm...I want to live outside more than I have been.

Btw, I have hope that it will be this year that I can purchase a ticket to see Puck. I hope you'll all celebrate with me when I do ☺️
 
It's well before the heat of the day, so I've been out mowing the lawns - or as much as I could manage before I still overheated (temp profile picture is me just after coming in from said lawns. My face is actually redder than the camera captured.)

I had a rough start to the new year on the 1st of January, but Gaze saw me through - yay timezone differences.

Today is the 3rd and I'm feeling like I can have a productive day. I'll probably bounce around between activities, but I'll get things done. I can do "fun stuff" today and procrastinate on the less fun since the list is loooong. But for now, I'm just taking a moment to cool down and guzzle water.

So, I do a 'word of the year' thing instead of resolutions, although I can't for the life of me remember 2021's word, hold on, let me check...

Oh, right, it was Confidence, and you know what, I did have more by the end of the year. Changing jobs was hard and I'm still not extremely confident, but I'm growing and the change has helped.

So, this year I have chosen Outside. Outside the house, outside the box, outside the norm...I want to live outside more than I have been.

Btw, I have hope that it will be this year that I can purchase a ticket to see Puck. I hope you'll all celebrate with me when I do ☺️
I so hope you can get that ticket!
 
I've just seen a picture on Reddit of Robert Plant with The Runaways. The comment section is what you would expect, actually with a little less pearl clutching than elsewhere, because Reddit.

My thoughts...at 16/17/18 my bad decisions weren't the one night stands. If I remember them at all, it's fondly (I would like to think I'd remember most, with the tiniest bit of prompting). One night stands don't cause issues. Trying to make a silk purse out of what is best left as something casual, is far, far more problematic.

There are the exceptions. The RA ones where the one night becomes two, becomes two dozen, becomes two years, becomes twenty years of absolutely incredible friendship.

It's been just over a year since Tech died. I miss him and I miss what we had in our hey day.

I would love to meet people who I could have a similar relationship with. Ayin is getting there. Just a little more time and it will happen. Enigma is a possibility.

<Wanders off to go text Enigma>

Also, damn oceans.
 
Enigma doesn't seem to be online. But that's okay, I headed down to see The Blacksmith yesterday and reiterate my willingness to volunteer at the Norse festival in February. So I got instructions on making regalia and we talked about where I'd be most use since I've never been to any of the festivities before and have no idea how to help. We were both pretty happy with the idea of door duty lol. Today, I was able to buy the linen (I cheated as the cotton blend was waaaay cheaper) for the underdress, and once I've made that, I'll work on the harder pinafore.

Puck dropped the Dom ball over Xmas/NY so, with a little prompting from me this morning, he's picking it up today and we'll have another chat tonight. Those are hard conversations to have, especially so soon after my day collar went back on and I was still left wondering where in the hell the regular dynamic was, but we'll be okay.

I'm going to spend the rest of today doing outside and inside stuff at home. Some cleaning, some planting, some tidying. I'm pretty sure those things will make me very happy lol. And tonight, I'll aim to enlist Adam to help me start the underdress.

UPDATE: The gardening stuff was awesome and I feel really accomplished. Then I spoke with Puck and he's feeling really under the weather so we were very brief. And then I started drinking and hanging out with Adam and the underdress can wait until tomorrow because tonight is really fun and connective in other ways.
 
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Today is Monday. I'm treating it as a weekend day since I was on a residential mathematics week from last Sunday to the Saturday just been (9-15th) and I'm honestly still recovering (largely from the lack of sleep). I've spent some quality time with Adam since I got back, but I'm still seeking to reconnect with Puck. We've spoken, but I still feel like there's more quality time needed. It's not an insecurity issue, just a real need to foster our connection. Long distance during a pandemic fucking sucks. And with ever new variants and then other diseases emerging, I'm seriously concerned that it will be impractical for us to travel even this time next year.

Yesterday, Adam and I went for a drive and a bush walk in a rather neglected scenic reserve, but scenic it was and I enjoyed being outside. Today, it's nice and cool and I'm doing some stuff around the house (and ignoring other stuff around the house.) I'm experimenting with background music as a tool to help me focus. I'm using a genre I'm not largely invested in (trip hop) so it really is just a bit of soothing noise.

One of my goals today is to make the under tunic for my costume for the Viking festival in 3 weeks. I have no idea of what I'm doing. I've never been into any kind of reenactment or cosplay before and really I'm going to help because I just want to help and perhaps make some new friends. I may enjoy the Viking part, I don't know. I'm rostered in the kitchen during breakfast shift, so I get to make a lot of waffles, apparently.

********

Later: So, I'm about 1/3 of the way through my costume (regalia? There are records of vikings being in Devon, which is where one side of my blood lines hail from, but so long ago I can't possibly speculate). I have the finicky sewing to go, well, and a few big bits, too. I have managed to create a shift dress (neckline still to deal with) and start the apron - all sewing still to do because I discovered that I do not have matching thread. That's now a tomorrow mission (to get the thread).

Tonight, I'll talk with Puck soon, then make dinner for Adam and I. Not sure what after dinner will bring. Quite possibly a tv movie and snuggle on the couch. Yesterday, I'd bought Adam and I tickets to a film festival, but then I discovered it was outdoors and didn't start until 9pm. He went. I went to bed. I was just too tired. But he had a great time and that makes me extremely happy.

I have to do some real work over the next week (well, two) but I'd also like to make it out to the beach sometime, after Cyclone Cody has stopped with the heavy swells. We really dodged a bullet with that one. I saw a comment on Reddit saying "yet another non-event" and all I could think was if there was one single thing that would be a hell of a lot better as a non-event, that cyclone was it.

Please keep Tonga in your thoughts, there are currently minimal communications from there, and no "formal" ones.
 
I haven't read any news in days, so I had not heard about Tonga's eruption and the tsunamis hitting so many places! Yikes!

Also, I am glad that Cyclone Cody missed you guys. Oddly, the southern US just had a huge snowstorm, but it started hitting us father north overnight and it only snowed a couple inches then changed to rain! Saves me paying the plow guy.
 
Puck has a snowy week happening and some horrifically cold temperatures as far as I'm concerned. I've found windy.com and I can get a much better idea of the weather from that since I work in celsius. I've never experienced sub zero day. -8°C at the warmest part of the day blows my mind.
 
I'm having a slower start this morning and I might need some caffeine to really help me out. And anti-inflammatories because some of my joints (mainly ankles) seem to be going through what I hope is a phase.

Yesterday, I did a bunch of stuff even without a list, but today I think I'm going to have to start a list or I am just not going to remember things.

I get to have a long call with Puck today since we missed last weekend and will probably miss this weekend. Iris has been out of town for about 5 weeks but she's coming back (early) and they will spend time reconnecting. I've said it to Puck, it's been a peaceful time (not hearing about her melting down over this or that.) I know I could ask him to not tell me stuff from their side of the star, but as the "over there" person, she usually doesn't directly affect me, so being the person he can vent to is a small thing I can do. If it becomes intrusive this year, I'll likely draw a line.

I better go get this day underway, I'm taking lying around in bed a little liberally for the things I want to get done. I have difficultly with time perception generally and during school holidays it's worse, so I should get moving so I don't waste too much of this day.
 
Today is even slower than yesterday. I'm just a little "off" mood wise, nothing I can pin point, and I've started doing things now so I should be able to get a bunch of stuff done before the day is over, especially since it's summer and the days are lovely and long. I keep forgetting the things in my toolkit to help me keep progressing with the stuff that's hard to start. Like background music.

Yesterday, I finished sewing my costume for the Viking festival. I don't have turtle brooches and don't know where to get them at this short notice (I haven't found an NZ supplier) but I did score a cool couple of thrifted necklaces which I broke down and remade for the beads that hang in front. I need to wash the whole thing to try and get the linen to relax - I might cheat and add fabric softener.

I've also been next door to feed the citrus trees, and I've fed my grapefruit as well. Other laundry is going through and I'm about to do the dishes. My exciting life LOL. Oh, and last night I did my first full set of (cheap ass) fake nails. Today I painted them. They kinda hurt last night because the plastic nails are way curvier than my fingernails, but I'm getting use to them and I am enjoying looking like I have slightly elegant hands for once. Seriously, I'm 43 and this is the first time I've worn fake nails. I am so very terrible at femininity.

Ugh, there's the washing machine finishing, time to go kick today into a higher gear.
 
Omicron has arrived in NZ. Adam is a frontline worker and has colleagues who have already been exposed. Everyone at his work is double vaxxed, some possibly boostered, but we're not eligible yet since it hasn't been 4 months since our 2nd shot.

As most of you know, I teach high school. It's just a matter of time before I get sick so I just hope I can get the booster first. I know Omicron is easier on the vaxxed, but I use inhalers anyway, so I'm a little concerned. But I'll hit up the aspirin at the first hint of illness.

I've finally found my interest in getting healthier, and no, it's not motivated by Omicron. Actually, I saw a video on tiktok and thought, "I can't do that, I should be able to do that!" And so, it begins. I've also enlisted Puck, after a little coaxing. So I am now drinking at least 1800ml of water per day although I usually do 2400ml (my drink bottle is 600ml). I'm cycling, I'm stretching and I'm doing some physical therapy style exercises to strengthen my hip flexor muscles. Because apparently they are all useless lol.

I'm also making some different food choices. Fancier stuff is more quickly satiating. In saying that, I also currently have a taste for toast with Vegemite. One day, I'm going to visit you all and teach you to like Vegemite 😂
 
I hope you guys stay safe. It's beyond crazy here. They had to stop PCR testing because we had so many cases. People's places of work were shutting because so many workers in isolation.
 
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