Thanks to both of you.
I don't really read, due to my dyslexia. But I will do some searching and see what it's about. Thanks, Mags.
I haven't given up on the idea of a holiday at your place, Gemini. I just don't know yet. I'm trying the full van experience first. I was saying to PN this morning that it;s great to have a break, but I require a lifestyle change. It really has nothing to do with Mono, although he offers me some respite at the OH and his presence in my life has prolonged the trapped feeling I've had; made it feel less.
PN seems to think that it does have something to do with him, but I have been talking about not feeling like I have a space for me for years.
We talked again on the way to work. I am so close to the surface with this; my emotions overwhelm me immediately.
Our boy spends the whole time telling us to stop talking. How do I teach him that it's important that everyone has a chance to talk about their needs and sometimes people get upset while having a need to talk?
My parents spent my whole childhood trying to belittle my need to talk about needs, due to the passion have and feel when I do. Now, as an adult, I am the same way and am made to stop talking by my son. Talk about reliving a trauma. I keep reminding him that we all need to talk, but he's too young to know more than that, I think.
I understand he thinks I'm angry and it scares him. I'm scary when angry, there is no doubt about that!
I asked PN if he understood what I have been saying. I feel so unheard. He wanted to know AGAIN what I mean by space. I've been over it and over it. I got him to think about empathizing and what I have been saying. I'm trying to get him to do the leg work.
He said he would try to get out of the house once a week, as he hardly ever goes out. I am sorry to say that I just saw that as an insult, at this point. That, and false promises. I have been disappointed so often before. I just don't believe it. He's promised that before.
I guess one thing is, he got what I have suggested, as far as changing our living situation. I told him I would have to rent a bachelor suite if it doesn't change.