Story of Elle

It was a lazy Sunday in Elleville. I took advantage of the house being just my teenaged dumpling and I, and slept gloriously late. Without Steel, or young dumpling- who are both early risers- milling about or inquiring as to breakfast status, I rolled over at 9:00 am and went right back to sleep. It was a luxury I am not afforded often, as young dumpling and I are up with the sun Monday-Friday, for school, and we always seem to have sports, or engagements on weekends that make sleeping past 7am a no-go. I didn't rouse until Steel texted me at 10:15 to make sure I was alive.

I got out of bed, made coffee, and enjoyed it while catching up on the DVR. I didn't even become a full human until well after noon- and it was FABULOUS. I feel refreshed and ready to face the week.

I gave the bathrooms a quick once over, ran the vacuum, and put away a load of laundry- that's all I can claim I did today that was productive.

Steel and younger dumpling are on the road now and headed towards home, with an ETA of another two hours or so. I had big plans to make homemade pasta, and make some chicken parm, too; but that plan never materialized. They will grab something on the road, teenaged dumpling will make a sandwich, and I'll probably have a bowl of Frosted Flakes.

My dumplings only have three weeks of school left for this year, chock full of end of year activities, field trips, formal banquets and parties, so the next three weeks will be jam packed for all of us.

Tomorrow is Sarge's birthday and he took the day off duty, so I am going to work a little in the morning, then head down to his city for the day and evening. I plan to take him to dinner and maybe to see Guardians Of The Galaxy 2. I'll head back home after rush hour traffic clears.

I am excited for Steel to come home tonight, I miss him so much, and am excited for one of his tight hugs. We fit like two puzzle pieces. I am also excited (and nosy) to hear how he feels his newly formed friendship with new girl is progressing.

I always welcome comments, compliments and complaints here, so don't be shy, say hello!


Attached is the card from Freckles, mentioned in previous post.
 

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Spork

New member
Frosted flakes for dinner. *sigh* I don't like fake milk (almond milk, soy milk, no thanks!) but my body is starting to protest the real thing. I love cereal, especially for dinner, it feels just filling enough but just light enough...but... Not sure if I should keep trying to do that. I seem to be ok with dairy otherwise, but the amount of milk that goes into cereal is too much.

My kids are wrapping up the school year, too. My youngest has an orchestra concert later this week. So excited about that, I love their concerts!

Guardians was awesome, hope you got to see it, or get to soon. :)
 
Frosted flakes for dinner. *sigh*

I could eat cereal three meals per day. There is never a shortage of cereal in my home.

I had a very nice day with Sarge, I arrived to his home around noon, and after some birthday loving, we headed out towards lunch. As we were leaving, I looked at the ruffled sheets on the bed and asked if he was sure there were no house showings today. He said no. Of course, my phone rang while we were eating; it was Freckles. Her realtor had just arrived at the house to crate the dog, saw my car on the driveway and called her to inquire, as there was a showing in 10 minutes. Freckles had known about the showing, but neglected to tell Sarge, as she didn't know he was calling off duty for the day, so needless to say, I am sure those lookers won't be buying.

When we got home later, we realized one of the juniors had left a nice unflushed pee in the toilet, and there were dirty clothes laying around his room. Match that with the unmade, sex scented bed, and my guess is those people ran as fast as they could for the front door.

The phone call from Freckles really upset Sarge, so I advised him to call the realtor and be included on all messages regarding showings. He did just that and the realtor then stated that the buyers who had come with a full price offer; but no financing, were about to be approved and were still very interested. Hopefully they hear something from that any minute now.

After lunch, we decided we needed some therapy, so we went to the animal shelter. We got to visit the dogs, and pet lots of kitties. We went into a side room, and every single cat in there was obese. I asked the volunteer why the fat cats were segregated, feeling they were being discriminated based on weight, and ready to right the injustice- when the volunteer told me it's because they are all on the same low-fat food- if allowed to mingle with the "Normal" weight cats, the fatties eat all the food. This caused Sarge to name the room we were in " Fat camp." I don't know why, but this caused me the greatest joy, and I doubled over in the laughter, surrounded by fat campers pawing, and rubbing on me. It truly is the best free therapy there is!

He finally convinced me to leave, sans a new cat in tow, and we went to two different apartment complexes to look. The first was a definite no, as the model was showing signs of wear and the landscaping was lacking. The second one was the clear choice- less than a mile from his home, nicely upgraded, maintained grounds, and a nice discount for county employees. They have two units coming for mid-end June, so hopefully the house will be under contract soon, and he can set a moving date and put down a deposit.

After our housing hunt, we went back the house, freckles and the kids were home, we three sat outside on the patio and had a very frank talk about the future, finances, child sharing, and who wanted what as far as furniture. They really only talk when I am around to mediate, and we got a lot solved and figured out- all that is missing is that magical contract on the house, and I think the separation and subsequent divorce should go rather smoothly.

Sarge and I then headed out for Greek food to celebrate his birthday, and I had him stop at the grocery store, where I picked up 6 cupcakes and candle. Back at the house, Freckles and the Juniors and I sang to him, and had him blow out his candles. Freckles did have a card signed from the boys to him, and I thought that was classy of her.

By then it was dark, and I had an hour drive ahead of me, so we say our goodbyes and I headed home. I got home to Steel and we watched a DVR episode before heading to sleep.

I had PTA meetings this morning, and worked a couple of hours. Tomorrow is my birthday, so I have no plans other than a pedicure, and relaxing. Thursday is more work, followed by my youngest dumpling going on an audition for a commercial, then Friday is work again, and my cleaning lady comes! Every other Friday is my favorite day!

Sarge will come Friday night, and spend the weekend, as Steel is again leaving town, but this time, his gigs are in the city where new girl lives, so he will get to spend some time with her.

I love my boring, poly life.
 
Well.... life certainly has a way of getting in the way while making other plans.

I could sit here all day and update, but I need to get to the hospital, so I will do a quick synopsis, mostly for myself, but of course, I welcome comments.

Steel: Didn't work out with geographically undesirable girl, she was just a little TOO poly for him- meaning she had a line of loves and Steel just doesn't want to be one of many ( We are talking like 5 other men besides her Husband!) Who has TIME for that many loves??? He then met a girl on OKC and they hit it off instantly. They chatted for a couple of weeks and enjoyed it- then they met for coffee. I hate to cast him in a negative light, because he is a wonderful, loving man, but he was not only not physically attracted to her, but downright, turned off. It sounds terrible to say aloud, but he said she was easily over 400lbs. She had only face pics on her profile, so I was assuming this was going to be the case ( As I also was a bigger girl who did the whole "face only" at one point.) Steel is obviously OK with larger woman, in fact, he prefers them, but he said she was just too big, she didn't carry herself well, was rather sloppy and he said she didn't smell very good, either. Sigh. I keep telling him he needs to get away from online and meet someone organically, and he finally agreed to go to some poly meetups with me, then, the proverbial excrement hit the fan.

He was experiencing weird sensations in his chest early last week, so I convinced him to see our family Doc. She in turn referred him to a cardiologist who did a nuclear stress test on Monday. This test showed a blockage in his LAD artery ( The one they call the widowmaker!)

Steel is only 47 years old, but has high BP, high cholesterol, (both controlled with meds) type 1 juvenile diabetes and a family history of heart disease, so needless to say, this newfound blockage was cause for concern. The cardiologist scheduled him for a cardiac cath for this coming Tuesday (Insurance wanted pre-auth and that was the next appointment for the cath lab.) He has been taking it easy since then, pretty much working from home and not lifting a finger. However, last night at around 8pm, he clutched his chest and was in pain, so I took him to the ER. It was determined that he was not having a heart attack at the time, but they still admitted him for observation.

His Cardiologist visited him this morning, and said he should get comfortable- he's not leaving the hospital until the cath ( and probable stent) are complete. Because the hospital is a level 1 cardiac and trauma center, the cath lab is only open for acute emergencies (active heart attacks) on the weekends. Thankfully he's not an emergent case, but it means waiting until Monday morning to get into the cath lab.

I actually slept better last night than I have since the stress test. I had been tossing and turning all week, checking on him, scared of the "Big One" coming. But last night, with my dumpling11 next to me, I slept soundly- I knew Steel was being monitored and was in the place he needed to be should something major occur. It's going to a hectic week for sure, and hopefully he comes out on the other side of this safely and with a long life to live.

I am going to stop here so I can head to the hospital, and plan to have diarrhea of the fingers later so I can process through the Sargel/freckles drama. I have not seen Sarge in 28 days and will never again speak to Freckles as long as I live.
 
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Steel ended up being taken to the cath lab on Monday morning the 12th, and was right back out 15 mins later- the blockages were too severe, stents could not be placed. Long story short, he ended up having open heart triple bypass surgery on the 16th. The Surgery was a success, but there were major post-op complications with blood loss. He's okay now, but at one point, I had stood over him, and said my goodbyes. It was THE SCARIEST thing I have ever lived through. He was discharged home a week later, and I have been waiting on him hand and foot, driving him to doc appointments, and taking care of all. He is on leave from work until September, trying to regain strength and just heal.

Sarge came up to visit a few times, and I felt that Steel was stable enough to leave him for four hours last weekend- so I was finally able to see Sarge's new place. He is all moved in, the house is sold, and actually getting a divorce is next. I was originally supposed to help him move and get settled, but, of course, Steel's health needs took first string.

I have felt so guilty being poly lately. I almost lost my Husband. I stood over him while he was in a medically induced coma, on a ventilator, begged him not to die, and then I called my boyfriend on the way home. These feelings are definitely causing Sarge worry! I am trying very hard to get rid of the guilt, but I'm finding it so difficult.

One day soon I will write out a full update, as I really still need to process the whole Freckles thing- I honestly do not think I have ever felt so much hate towards another human as I do her, and it's not healthy. Even the thought of her makes me angry now.
 

Shaya

New member
Dear Elle,

These have been an awful few months for you. You have enough on your plate already. Freckles should not have to be your problem. You can't control her - so don't let her control your emotions.

Wishing you and Steel better times,
Shaya.
 
Wow, did I let this blog go!

Steel is almost all better. He is back to work three days a week, and doing cardiac rehab thrice weekly.

It's surreal that only 4 months ago, he was almost gone forever.

Sarge and I celebrated two years last weekend ( In theory, only.) We didn't actually get to see each other! In fact, it's been THREE weeks since we have seen each other. That sounds crazy when I type it out! Between him having the Junior's every other week, Steel's travel schedule, and a very poorly timed stomach flu on my part, we just haven't made contact. He did have a gorgeous bouquet of roses with a deliciously sweet card delivered to me, but I miss him so much.

I have plans to go to his City tomorrow afternoon, and have dinner and quality snuggle time.

We did book a cruise for Mid November, so I am counting down the days for that. Four nights of no phones, no kids and no Freckles is just what we need!

Freckles. I know she reads (read) this. So I always played nice when speaking of her. The bottom line is, I was lying to you, dear reader, and also to myself. She is a narcissist to the nth degree, but what really makes me dislike her is the fact that she is nothing more than an egg donor to her Children. Sweet, wonderful boys who NEED a Mom, and have nothing more than a self indulged, selfish bitch. The line in the proverbial sand was drawn for me, when I texted her one Saturday to make sure she and the boys were ok. Sarge was with me, out of town, they had yet to move out of their house, and she had done some very ridiculous vaugebooking about harming herself and being depressed.

When I asked about the boys, she said " They are fed and watered, all that's required of me." That was the end for me. These are children. Not houseplants. There are many many instances in the past of a similar nature that gave me pause, but this one was the final straw. I called her on it, and she told me if Sarge promised not to seek child support, he could " have" the boys.

It's still a mess, still all pending in Court. The lawyers are happy, they are making money. For now, the kids spend one week with Sarge, and one week with Freckles. What the final result will be, depends on how much she wants to pay in support. ( She has a high paying career, Sarge works for the County.)

She purchased a house, and last I heard, her new boyfriend is moving in. I get as little info as possible about her, as I really don't want to know. She makes me want to punch a puppy.

Other than THAT, life is moving along. I am looking forward to the Holidays, and the cruise, and still love both of my men completely. Hope you are all well! I still make time to read up on you, Bluebird, Spork, Kevin, Reverie, Breathemusic and Mags!

Elle
 
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It was a shitty poly week.

Freckles is out of control and it's causing everyone to be on edge.

Since Junior12 attends school next door to Sarge's new place, he rides the bus home daily to Sarge's. On the weeks that Freckles has the children, she is supposed to pick up Junior12 by 5pm from Sarge's house. Lately, it's been getting later and later. I was at Sarge's house Wednesday, and at 5:10, she was still not there to pick up Junior12. Not a huge issue, it's 10 minutes, but Sarge was angry- we had dinner and alone time plans. At 5:15 he sent her a text telling her she was late. She replied with 'So?" He informed her his house was not a daycare center, and she needed to make arrangements to have him picked up by 5pm.

At 5:35, she flung open the front door of Sarge's house, and barged in. She screamed at Junior12 to " Go get your favorite things from your room, because you are never coming to Daddy's house again!" I very plainly said "That's called kidnapping."

Of course, since I was there, she blamed me for all of this, when in reality, I had not said a WORD to Sarge about this.

Junior12 started to cry, and ran to me for comfort. This caused Freckles to come over to us, physically take him from me and say " Give me my motherfucking kid!' Classy, huh?

She stormed out and slammed the door behind her. We watched her peel out of the parking lot, lighting a cigarette ( with her Children in the car) as she did.

Sarge was of course upset. I called my friend, who is a family law attorney and she was able to calm him down. She explained Freckles cannot do such a thing. And if she does withhold the Children, he can file an emergency order for temporary parenting plan.

We spent a few hours sitting at his kitchen table and talking about the future. I headed for home quite upset, hungry and angry.

The next morning, Junior12 had a Doctor's appointment in my city, so Sarge took the day off work to bring him. The plan was to leave the appointment, they both come to my house and we would take Junior12 to lunch. After the appointment, Junior12 told Sarge he wasn't feeling well, so could they skip my house and just go to lunch. Sarge asked him why he felt well enough for lunch and not my house. And then, Junior12 broke down. He told Sarge that last night, Freckles had told him I was a terrible person, a terrible influence on him and his brother, and that I treated her poorly. She advised him to stay away from me. Sarge was LIVID. As much as he, and I despise Freckles for the myriad of poor life choices she continues to make, those children have NEVER heard a negative word about her from either of us. We are aware that parental alienation is quite harmful to children and would never make him "choose." She further told Junior12 she was "very hurt" that he came to me for comfort instead of her.

They came to my house, and all hell broke loose. J12 was very upset. He said he loved me, but his Mom didn't want him to. He has emotional issues as it is, so this was so confusing to him. I assured him that I loved him and his Brother like my own, and that sometimes adults choose to use words they don't really believe, just to hurt. He said " Oh, no, she really hates you!"

I called Freckles and told her what she was doing was child abuse. She hung up on me. So I texted her and told her we used to be friends, we did not need to be friends, but that I loved her Children, and we needed to act like adults and stop this. She told me I was "Crazy." and "Making her children crazy." ( I had not seen the children in over a month at this point.)

Sarge and I ended up fighting, too. Our first ever in two years. I am tired of him allowing her to walk all over him. He is constantly doing her favors, helping her set up her electronics, keeping the kids later than planned, speaking to him like he's a toddler, threatening him constantly with the children, etc.

They left and it was a rough night for all. I was very uncertain what the future looks like for Sarge and I, and I still am a bit.

He called me later that night and we talked. I explained that I needed to set a boundary. I could no longer stand by and watch him be walked on. If he chose to allow it to continue, then I was going to have to walk away. She is a toxic person, and him choosing to keep her as "friend" in order to avoid conflict was not going to work for me.

He assured me that her manipulating her children was the final straw for him. FINALLY! After almost 18 months of this, he was ANGRY and not going to allow it to continue. He called his lawyer first thing Thursday morning and told her the gloves were off. If Freckles is going to play dirty, he was ready to fight. He is no longer going to allow her to boss him around, or decide who is where when. He is going to fight for what's best for his children!

He apologized for their fight the night before, but informed her via text message that she was no longer welcome in his home. She could wait outside when she picks J12 up after school. He also informed her that moving forward, all communication needed to be about the Children only, and had to be emotionless. She "Whatevered" him.

Friday started fine, and Sarge showed me some text messages. Evidently, J12 had asked her to please apologize to Daddy for the fight and told her he was disappointed in how she was acting. She replied by taking his dinner away and telling him until he apologized to her for saying he was disappointed, he couldn't eat " her food." J12 was texting Sarge, begging him to pick him up, saying he was scared of her, and hungry, but she refused to let him eat until she told him she was the best mommy in the word. WTACTUALFUCK?????

Sarge texted her immediately, and she claimed J12 was playing him. He had apologized and she gave him his food back. (To be fair, as mentioned, J12 does have emotional issues, so this was likely partly a manipulation on his part, as well.)

She sent Sarge a text a little later saying J12 was upset, and wnated her to apologize, so she was. She then said they needed to be 'Friends. Like two married people who live apart; for the sake of the kids."

I was SO DAMN PROUD to see Sarge had replied " I am not your friend, we are not two married people living apart. I am co-parenting our children with you, and that is all."

She once again whatevered him. Sigh.

My plan for this evening is to go to his city, treat him to a delicious Italian dinner and then check into a swank hotel. I am going to treat him to a nice long massage, a slow, very long oral session, and a night of lovemaking and no Freckles talk.

For my part, I have decided to forgive her, although she did not apologize, and never will. I am not going to allow her to live rent free in my head, I have far too many wonderful things to enjoy.

Life will move on. The divorce will play out, custody issues will be settled, and hopefully Sarge can remain true to his decision to make Freckles nothing more than his co-parent.

I feel terrible for the children, as they should never have to be in this position. I truly hope she realizes the damage she is causing them and changes her course sooner than later.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
That's outrageous behavior by Freckles ... I hope Sarge sticks with his determination to put his foot down and not let her walk all over him.

Hang in there.
 
My evening with Sarge was just what we needed to de-stress and re-connect.

He met me at the hotel at 6:30, we showered, got ready and headed out for a sinful Italian dinner. We held hands across the candle-lit table and just chatted about mundane things. At one point, he mentioned Freckles, and I gave him a look, he caught on right away and that was the end of that.

After dinner, we returned to the hotel and had a wonderful night. Though his new house sat empty only 12 miles away, something about being in a hotel makes us feel like we are in an alternative world. It was relaxing, sex-filled, loving and fun. We both slept like rocks and woke up smiling Sunday morning. We had a light breakfast in hotel restaurant, and headed back upstairs for a proper goodbye. We lazed in each others arms, read the Sunday paper in bed and just enjoyed being. It was a good practice for our cruise in three weeks.

We kissed goodbye in the parking lot around 11am, and I headed for home. I was not 3 minutes out of the lot when a feeling of dread came over me, something told me I needed to kiss him one more time. I called his phone, and it went to voicemail, so I turned around. I found him rifling through his car, and he said he could not find his phone. I called it again, but nothing. I headed back up to the room, and there it was, on the coffee table.

When I got back to the lot, and held it above my head victoriously, he grabbed me in a warm embrace. He asked how I knew to come back? I told him I wasn't really sure. Just a feeling that I needed to turn around. He then gave me the best compliment he could; " You are always exactly what I need when I need it."

It melted my heart. We kissed goodbye again and headed for our respective homes. I came home to Steel and the dumplings and we four enjoyed a day of grocery shopping, lunch and being together.

Freckles obviously didn't follow through with her threat, because the Juniors were dropped off 15 minutes early to Sarge. I wish I could say it was because she realized that keeping the Children from their Father was not only illegal, but wrong; but I suspect the reason is because she doesn't even want them when she has them, nonetheless does she want them MORE than that. J12 told me "All Mom does is sit outside and smoke and play on her phone." Sarge said when she knocked on the door, he let the kids in, said thanks and closed the door, so he is so far honoring his commitment to avoid being her friend.

Steel is feeling better physically and is ready to start playing the field again. If he actually does, I will support him 1000%.
 
Almost the Holiday season already! WOW!

Life here is moving along. Steel is 100% recovered and happy.

BIG NEWS. My Mom called and asked if they were still invited for Thanksgiving. I said of course, they never were NOT invited, but Sarge and the Juniors will be here. She said My dad decided to be a big boy and try it out. Lord help us.

I still can't think about Freckles without wanting to beat up something, so I push all thoughts of her out of my head as soon as I can.

Sarge has been very good at keeping his boundary with her, as far as I know.

Just another day in my boring, poly life. And that's how I like it.
 
WAY too long since I updated. If for no one else, but me.

Sarge ended up sick and not coming to Thanksgiving. My parents came though, and it was a shit show. We are pretty much estranged at this point. I speak to my Mom, but it's all very surface stuff. Sad, really.

Steel is 1 year post-op now and doing GREAT. He is healthy, strong and feeling fine. We are leaving in a week for our yearly beach house trip and we are both looking forward to a week of relaxation, sun, surf, and sex!

Sarge and Freckles are officially divorced. What a waste of time, money and resources that was. At the end of the day, it took almost TWO years, they each spent almost $10K in attorney's fees, and the divorce settlement was VERBATIM what Sarge originally asked for when he filed. Because Freckles is a textbook narcissist, with plain stupidity dashed in and a money hungry lawyer, she fought him on THE most petty, nonsense things. She " lost" on every turn, because Circuit court Judges aren't in the business of revenge and pettiness. They care about ONE thing, and that is the Children. So what could have been done and over in 90 days with a $300 filing fee, cost $20K, two years and a lot of sleepless nights.

I honestly do not think I have ever HATED anyone in my life, until now. Once she showed me her true colors, and the type of Mother she is, I disliked her. Once I saw her behavior throughout the divorce, I came to DESPISE her. I have given her a nickname, TED. ( The Egg Donor, since that's really all she is to the Children at this point.) I would be ok never laying eyes on her again, and due to the Children's drop off/pick up point being school and camp, I don't imagine I will soon.

Sarge renewed his lease, and will stay another year while he continues to re-build his nest egg.

Steel is STILL single except for me. Meeting women is hard work. Meeting women who are ok with our relationship structure is even harder.

In October of last year, I decided to get healthy! I have lost 65lbs!! I feel FABULOUS!

Hanging around the house today doing some yard work, etc. Tomorrow Steel and I will take the kids to the water park!

Oh! Pink! messaged me on fetlife. She saw my name pop up on a mutual friend's page and wanted to reach out. She and CPK now have TWO babies, and are living happily ever after. She said she always like Sarge and I, and she was sorry if she had to scoop us up in the pile of garbage with TED. I understood and wished them a long, happy life together. There is some symbiosis in everyone being happy except for the one who started all the misery.
 
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kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Glad to hear the divorce is final, maybe now the healing can begin. And congrats on your weight loss!
 
My oldest nugget is now driving. We bought her a car, and the stress when she pulls away is slowly killing me. She's a good driver, and very responsible, but, WOW, it's scary. What's even scarier is the insurance bill. Our payment went up over $300 EACH MONTH for her AND the car. Ouch.

Steel is great, we have really been getting along beautifully the last few months, not that we never had an issue of not getting along, but it just seems like we are closer lately.

Sarge is doing well, too. We have had some minor hiccups in communication, and some frustration regarding his Junior's behavior's, and Sarge's lack of correcting them. When they are with TED, they are all but ignored. She feeds them ( by giving them junk food in their rooms) and reminds them to shower every few days, but overall, she ignores them, and plugs them in to electronics to keep them quiet.

They have ZERO structure/discipline when they are with her, match that with the fact that they each have their respective emotional issues, and by the time they get to Sarge, they are off the rails. They are both obese, the younger one more so- I mean of course they are, they sit in their dark rooms and eat all day long 1/2 the month. At least when they are with Sarge, he takes them to the pool, and plays with them, and TRIES to feed them somewhat healthily.

He usually fails, as they refuse to eat anything they don't deem worthy, and while I say that hungry people will eat anything, Sarge feels guilt, so gives in, and grabs fast food, and it frustrates me to no end. I get it, they aren't MY children- but I can't help but feel like someone has to be the voice of reason. The older one is already in therapy, and has been for years, to almost no help.

The bottom line is, they have a useless Mother and an overwhelmed Father.

I have BEGGED Sarge to try and meet someone. A nesting partner, or even a nice woman to date. I am an HOUR away, and only see him once a week, sometimes even less, and I hate that he's alone so much. I also feel guilty for being his only " bucket filler." But, he refuses. What the answer is, I don't know.

Sarge pointed out last night that every single disagreement/stress/anger we have ever had has been directly traceable back to TED. She is such a terrible person, at her very core. I think I am sub-consciously angry at her for fooling me into thinking she was a good person for so long.
 

River

Active member
What's even scarier is the insurance bill. Our payment went up over $300 EACH MONTH for her AND the car. Ouch.

When I was a new, young driver, long long ago, I explored insurance and found it to be outrageously priced ... but then learned that I could get a drastically lowered rate if my vehicle was used for business. At the time, in fact, I was doing handyman work. So I told the insurance company my pickup is used for business. And that lowered my rate dramatically. This was a long time ago, but it's worth looking into. I never had to prove that my truck was used for business, by the way. They simply took my word on it -- and it happened to be true.
 
Sarge and I came thisclose to calling it quits this past week. It was extremely emotionally taxing, and exhausting. It stemmed from his Junior13 touching me inappropriately, and Sarge's reaction - or lack thereof- to it. He treated it as no big deal, just a 'boys will be boys thing.' I saw it as assault, and still do. A 13 year old boy has no business putting his hands on a woman's breasts without her consent, nevertheless, his Father's adult girlfriend. I was so angry at Sarge for basically taking away the computer for an hour. I wanted him to have a serious discussion about consent, assault, and autonomy. I have mentioned before that J13 has some issues, is likely bi-polar, suffers from dermotillomania, and has the EQ of a box of rocks. Diagnoses aside, he is highly intelligent, and knows right from wrong- so while he claims he was " Just being funny," I was horrified.

As has been the pattern for his entire life, Sarge chose to basically sweep it under the rug to avoid conflict. It all stems from his childhood, where he grew up with an alcoholic father and a mentally ill Mother- he learned that staying quiet and not rocking boats keeps things calm and even. BUT, I have always been one to believe one must rise above their shitty childhood- you can only blame it for so long.

Sarge avoiding conflict has been the only issue we have had since we started dating- it's a pattern that keeps happening. It happens with TED- he let's her walk all over him- still. It happens with the kids- he will give in to their demands rather than deal with the inevitable fall out for being a parent. Frustrating, to say the least.

I can only imagine how hard it is to be a single parent- to two children with emotional issues, so I try to be all 'not my circus, not my monkey's' about it, but I don't do so well. I stick my nose in, give unsolicited parenting advice, and try and basically parent them. But, I now realize they really AREN'T my monkeys. Their useless Mother and overwhelmed Father are the people who have to deal with it.

Sarge finally got angry enough at it all, and it came to a rolling boil on Tuesday. He claims he is DONE being a doormat, done taking shit from everyone, including me, and that some change is blowing through. I suppose time will tell, but I love him, and I'm not ready to give up on us so easily.

I skipped going to his house last weekend, feigning illness, but, as I came clean to Sarge with this week, it was because the kids were there, and I was avoiding the situation.

This weekend we have not seen each other either, as it's all just so raw. What's going to happen is unclear.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Sorry to hear things are rough with Sarge right now. I hope things get better.
 
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