In the garden

Vicki82

Active member
I'm sorry, Evie. Covid has taken so much :(
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
Day two and I'm barely functioning. So much for the work I should be doing, I don't have the energy to do anything at all. Sooner or later I'm going to fight myself hard enough to do the dishes. Then I'll probably need a nap.
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
Day three and I'm more don't wanna get out of bed rather than can't get get out of bed. Which is good because I have to overcome the don't wanna and go to work for a while.
 

starlight1

Active member
Try her again. Is your diet not good though?

There's always that annoying condition called chronic fatigue syndrome, that is difficult to get a diagnosis for and even harder to get treated.
You all know well enough about that because that's what I have. It's not easy to diagnose and the only way to get the diagnosis is ruling out everything else.

Long Covid symptoms mimic CFS/ME, although they think CFS/ME comes from a viral source and attacks the spine/brain nerves and inflames them.

Quote from the article: Recovery from mild SARS-CoV-2 infection commonly occurs within 7–10 days after the onset of symptoms in mild disease; it could take 3–6 weeks in severe/critical illness [4]. However, continued follow up of patients who recovered from COVID-19 showed that one or more symptoms persist in a substantial percentage of people, even weeks or months after COVID-19.

Everyone is different (with CFS/ME) though and most people bounce back to around 80/90% from what their energy was before. Only a small percent become long term/ cyclically ill like me, and even smaller percentage continue to deteriorate so I think it's possible you'll bounce back. You're such a fighter.

Also I'm so SO SO sorry about your relationships and this illness impacting you so deeply.

If you ever need to talk reach out; I will listen, I truly get the grieving process you're going through and I wouldn't wish this illness on anyone ever. I hope the doctors and nutritionists can find a different more treatable answer. I'm sending huge virtual hugs your way and praying you will come out of this soon.
 

Eponine

Member
So sorry about your relationship and everything you're going through.
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
I've not had Covid so it's definitely not Long Covid. Nope, I'm just old, as in perimenopausal.

My doc wants to switch me from the Pill to HRT. That was going to be an issue with visiting Puck. Now, since I've let go of any timeline at all for that possibility, I'm happier with switching.

Today is Adam's birthday, so we're going out for a fancy dinner! I wish I could do more for him, but we have some big costs coming up, like he needs hearing aids.

I ended up doing a few hours work yesterday. I'm still way behind, but less behind than I was. Hopefully today I can do a few more little jobs off the list.

That (now ex) meta with the health scare is having her tests today. I really hope it's not the worst outcome. Since Puck and I haven't gone totally no contact, I'm sure he'll let me know.

It's now 4:30 am and I've been awake maybe an hour because of night sweats. At least it's a day I can go back to sleep when I get tired again (it usually takes me at least two hours).

Thank you for your kind words, everyone.
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
Dinner with Adam was lovely. I had oysters (tempura) for the first time in 10 years and just the second time ever. I ordered 3. I should have ordered 4, maybe 5. I also had venison (rack) and it was so rare it was near blue. I'm a fan of that so it was great. My dessert was disappointing, but overall I had a lovely meal. Adam didn't enjoy his as much which was a pity, but he took some risk on his ordering since the goal is always to order things we can't make at home.

Puck and I have started emailing, and we have also talked as of yesterday. That relieved a lot of my concerns, but started other ones - although those ones are going to become redundant pretty soon as my winter fills up with more work stuff and there will literally be less time available to talk - yes, I'm concerned about too much talk when I want to develop quality over quantity after this time of quantity over quality while we waited for the end of the pandemic (enough to travel without incurring extra costs or excessive risk). But in good news, the 'ex'-meta's health scare isn't scary anymore, it's treatable and comparatively minor. No big C, thank goodness.

I've stopped the pill but I haven't started HRT yet and god do I need to remember to make that doctor's appointment.

Work is...hard. Nothing new there. And speaking of which, I better do some practice tonight on graphing software.

Update: I finally understand a new thing about the graphing software!!!
 
Last edited:

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
It's been nearly two weeks and a new normal is being developed with Puck, and with the rest of my life.

I'm at work today but it's a Teacher Only Day as we discuss how to approach our new students assessment model. I'm exhausted and I want to go have a sleep, even though I slept 8.5 hours last night.

Puck and I had a couple of conversations over the weekend; it's a process and we're certainly not trying to be in a relationship now, we're not sharing sexual intimacy or D/S, we're not talking in concrete terms about travel but have agreed we'd still like to meet one day. Where and when are no longer being planned, just enjoyed as an abstract concept. Rather than talking with him daily after work, my afternoons have quickly filled up. This afternoon I'll spend some time with Nova, then tonight I have choir starting for the first time since the pandemic began. Tomorrow, hopefully I have a sewing bee. Wednesday, a networking meeting. Thursday and Friday, sport.

I'm already exhausted, and it's only Monday lunchtime. I don't know how I'll get through choir tonight - hopefully my extrovert side will help out and I'll just soak up other people's energy.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
I'm sorry for your hard time over changing the parameters of your relationship with Puck. I understand though. LDRs are a bitch.

As a retired women's health counselor, I just can't get behind this constant exhaustion being "only perimenopause." I know many many women who have been or are in this stage, and no one is exhausted like this without other underlying reasons. I wonder if you could get another doctor's opinion. All your plans sound really fun and I wish you could enjoy them to the full extent!
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
Seems like this week's exhaustion is because I've come down with a non-covid (no positive test yet) bug. Probably viral, possibly just a heavy cold. Taking today and tomorrow off work.
 

starlight1

Active member
Seems like this week's exhaustion is because I've come down with a non-covid (no positive test yet) bug. Probably viral, possibly just a heavy cold. Taking today and tomorrow off work.
Get feeling better soon Evie. I'm glad it's not long-covid but I agree with Magdlyn, more research on what it could be is needed because I don't think it can be couched under just "perimenopause".
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
Back to work today (Thursday) and I even had enough energy to keep doing admin after classes ended.

I spoke with Puck quite extensively yesterday, just sharing vignettes of life, nothing really new but just letting the conversation comfortably meander. Now we've stripped away so much of what we were, the loving friendship is much easier.

I've had a random in my Fet inbox and it's a little weird talking to someone new. He's assured me he's in the middle of some life changes and he's not hitting on me, yet, but will eventually despite not wanting to being in a LDR, and everywhere from Aotearoa NZ is long distance. I don't see that this will go anywhere but I'm mostly enjoying a new, very surface level conversation. I'm not sure how deep we'll go, he's admitted being in a very transitional time of life and may disappear as quickly as he arrived.

On another note, I've got itchy feet. Not just the, I want to get to see all my friends, itchy feet but the, I want to live a completely different life for a while itchy feet. But I've committed to at least 5 years here so I just need to buckle down and do it, with hopefully a couple of overseas trips along the way to keep the itch at bay. Will I feel too old to do something radical in 5 years? I don't know, I feel older these days, but maybe I'll pause here a while.

Adam would be completely supportive if I took an overseas job for a year. If it paid enough, he could come with me, but I'm not sure he would find work overseas. I'd be more likely to find a higher paying job if after I have more experience. Sometimes I think about teaching in the United States, but r/teaching is fucking terrifying. Is that just Reddit?

Does this seem weird? Would anyone else leave home for a year (with the full support of their nesting partner)? I could go anywhere that would have me. As a 14 year old, my fantasy was to teach in a developing world country. I forwent that for years as my love for other things took over (my first career was still my best, my second, my worst). And yet, here I am, a teacher, wondering if I could live in those conditions at this age. Maybe some kind of splitting the difference... I just gotta feel competent at what I do before I try to go for something filled with such high expectations (most international schools). I guess if I ever do it I'll go through an agency. That'll be new.

I just read the latest HONY story and I wish I had students that I connected with like that guy. These kids don't give a shit and I feel like I'm even less useful to them than I was at a rich bitch school. I miss my girls with their openness. These kids know to hide their damage already. (I don't miss the endless management bullshit at my last school).

Adam has been so loving lately that I feel a little uneasy about wanting more than my life currently is. But then, I can't change it until I'm in a stronger financial position, and that's quite a while away.
 

starlight1

Active member
You absolutely could Evie!

I have an author friend who went to china for a year, she's in her 60's. She's had incredible support there, its a small town and the company she's with actually helped her get closer to town to be able to not have to commute on a bike long distance. It seems like you could really use the change of pace. So if you want to do it, don't put off your dreams, and you may find you appreciate home more after a jaunt away. :)
 

icesong

Moderator
Staff member
Honestly it took buying a house before I really lost that level of "I'd love to do something else for a while", and truth be told it's not gone just subdued... I'm not *really* sure I could leave my loves, let alone my son, but maybe once he's out of the house I might consider it.
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
Sadly, the earliest I could go is 2027.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
All that work I didn't do, ever, well...some of it bit me in the butt yesterday. I pulled basically an all nighter to get some shit done. I've been woozy at times today but I reckon I'll pay the real price tomorrow. But Nova and I are on a a work conference in the afternoon and since it will be Friday, and we'll be an hour North and actually "in town" we'll take every minute and have a girly afternoon. There's a pizza place that sells New York style pizza by the slice. Mmmmmmm.

Puck and I have maintained our Saturday (my time) calls (although dialled back a few facets to "just friends") and I look forward to to telling him how my Friday went.

I have still have a correspondence with that random. I don't quite grok him enough to give him a nickname here. He got the pip for a moment when I shut down his fishing for something I found so strange (was it an ego boost to me that I was his "Muse"? - um, hell no). But he sent me a couple of nice emails since. Perhaps he realised he was trying to fit me into a box he'd already made. I'll reply when I'm not totally fucking sleep deprived. I've let him know that.

Adam just messaged to say he's on his way home from work. I think I'll be in bed by then.

You know what the best part of being poly is?

When it's just the complete norm.
 
Last edited:
Top